Aruncându-mi visul la gunoi…

“Salut. Am revenit. Vrei să mă întrebi cum sunt? Te rog… Ca să îți pot spune că nu sunt bine, că am ajuns la capătul puterilor, că vreau să dispar într-o altă dimensiune…

Am ajuns în situația în care nu credeam niciodată că voi ajunge… să-mi arunc propriile vise, aspirații, propriul viitor la gunoi. Uite așa… alții ar zice “cu câtă ușurință”, dar am mototolit hârtia asta și am readus-o la forma inițială de sute de ori înainte să o rup cu totul și să o arunc în tomberon.

La ce am renunțat? La ceea ce am crezut că în sfârșit va deveni ceva ce mă va face fericită cu adevărat, acel ceva la care nu va trebui niciodată să renunț din cauză că îmi plăcea așa de mult: fotografia. Lucrul ăla pe care îl face toată lumea, dar care pe mine mă făcea să mă simt că am însemnătate. Ajunsem chiar să cred că ăsta e obiectivul în jurul căruia viața mea gravita. Că pentru asta m-am născut.

Dar uite că iară am primit o palmă peste față. O palmă atât de puternică sub care și acest lucru pe care îl iubeam atât de mult s-a sfărâmat ca și cum ai pocni din degete. E pulbere. Eu sunt pulbere.

Nu știu ce doare mai tare, că am pus un punct unei călătorii care mă fermeca la fiecare pas sau faptul că știu că nimănui nu îi pasă și că de fapt eram doar o altă floare din vază care s-a uscat și acum poate fi înlocuită. Că nu am fost niciodată bună la ce făceam și că doar mă amăgeam singură.

N-am crezut vreodată că să renunți la un vis poate durea atât de rău. Mi-am mai aruncat un vis la gunoi… ăla cu literele. Dar ăla n-a durut, deci nu a fost vis. Să arunc aparatul foto într-un colț al camerei și să îl las acolo să prindă praf… mă zguduie la cote diferite. Am mai lăsat eu camera să se odihnească două, trei luni fără să o ating…

Dar să o las cu totul… Nu am suferit atâta nici când mă turmentam la litere cu toate tâmpeniile și inepțiile ce trebuia să le tocesc, nici când acel tăntălău din liceu mă juca pe degete cum voia, ca după ce i-am spus că îl plac să îmi dea cu flit și apoi să continue cu comportamentul lui stupid. Nu, acum e mult mai rău.

Simt că cineva îmi taie mâinile și picioarele cu un ditai topor. Și acel cineva sunt eu. Și fac asta știind, pe de o parte, că ăsta e firul vieții și că mai trebuie să acceptăm să mai tăiem și câte o frunză sau o creangă ce e uscată… Dar pe de cealaltă parte, vreau să țin cu dinții de toate frunzele, cregile și rădăcinile uscate…

Da, am fost leneșă… Am vrut totul de-a gata și nu acceptam să fac compromisuri și sacrificii ori făceam doar minimul necesar cât să îmi reduc la tăcere conștiința care îmi făcea mustrări.

Apoi mi-am dat seama că nu mai merge așa. Și am început să trag de mine, să învăț, să încerc lucruri noi, să îmi depășesc limitele și chiar când am început să mă dezvolt puțin… inevitabilul s-a instalat. Nu numai în viața mea, ci a tuturor. Am început să dau vina pe virusul ăsta pentru faptul că stăteam în casă și nu mai aveam de lucru. Dar apoi mi-am văzut prietenii fotografi cum lucrau în continuare de parcă nu se petrecuse nimic. Evenimente după evenimente și eu tot pe loc stăteam.

Mi-am luat privirea de la evenimente și am început să caut modele pe care să le pozez. Nu conta că nu eram plătită. Simplul fapt că aveam camera în mână și îmi puteam lăsa imaginația să zburde era destul. Dar m-am lovit din nou de ceva ce nu credeam că voi întâlni vreodată: refuzuri, scuze stupide, mesaje citite și lăsate așa cu lunile.

Până acum m-am târât cât de mult am putut, nu conta că mergeam pe cărbuni aprinși sau pe pietre ascuțite, mereu găseam câte o bucățică de pământ unde era liniște și mă puteam bucura de ceea ce făceam.

Acum însă nu mai știu ce să fac. Cum să mai abordez totul. Să implor în genunchi? Rezolv ceva? Stăteam nopți la rând încercând să îmi dau seama ce nu făceam bine. Ce nu e în regulă cu mine? Chiar atât de rău lucrez? Atât de rău încât să fugă lumea de mine?

M-am torturat cu întrebările astea cel puțin trei luni… Și acum câteva zile am decis să pun punct. Odată pentru totdeauna. Și am plâns și am urlat și am simțit cum inima mi se sfâșie în două și cum nu mai am aer să respir. Și incă plâng și pun întrebări la care nu îmi poate răspunde nimeni… Stau doar în fața unui ecran și încerc să văd dacă pot scăpa așa de durere. Chiar de nu citește nimeni. Poate așa reușesc să arunc bolovanii undeva într-un hău de unde să nu îi mai pot lua pe umeri înapoi vreodată.

Nu știu ce aștept scriind aici. Milă? Poate… Cu toate că orgoliul meu se simte amenințat în cazul ăsta. Poate aștept o confirmare. Că am făcut bine. Să fiu arătată cu degetul. Să mi se râdă în față cu o sete imensă ce poate fi stinsă doar cu aceste rânduri ale mele. Da, ăsta e sigur un lucru pe care mă aștept să îl văd.

Pe cei care mi-au spus că nu am șanse… Arătându-mă cu degetul și bucurându-se că, în sfârșit, am dat greș din nou. Felicitări. Ați avut dreptate. Am dat din nou cu bățu-n baltă. Fericiți? Mi-ați repetat de atâtea ori eternele versuri cu “n-ai să ajungi nimic cu fotografia”. Na. S-au adeverit. Bucurați-vă. Vă convine acum? Sau poate doar vă doare în cot… nici acolo.

E dureros să ajungi la concluziile celor care abia așteptau să calci greșit. Și doare și mai rău când ajungi să le dai dreptate…

Nu mai am nimic de zis… Sincer. Sunt dezamăgită, distrusă, fără speranță.

Nu pot să închei cu nimic pozitiv. Nu pot fi pozitivă. Nu mă mai pot minți și să mă dau drept optimismul în persoană. Nu am fost niciodată optimistă. Nu am găsit niciodată partea bună a lucrurilor. Dau sfaturi oamenilor și încerc să îi ajut, asunzându-mi toate părțile întunecate.

Și dau sfaturi… Dar mie nu am ce sfat să îmi dau. Nu mai pot vedea luminița de la capătul tunelului. Am căzut în genunchi și acum pot doar să strig spre cer și să aștept un răspuns… dar mi-e frică și de acela. Dacă îmi confirmă ceea ce știu deja?”

That was all she wrote…

Obiceiul tâmpit al românilor

“Bine ați revenit, dragi cititori și dragi români. Iaca m-am gândit să mai scriu ceva, acest ceva care mă gâdila de mult în palmă și acum în sfârșit mi-am găsit ceva timp ca să pot să abordez subiectul ăsta care mi se pare că trebuie lipit afiș undeva.

Noi românii suntem numiți în multe feluri și avem multe etichete, fie ele mai drăguțe sau nu: oameni muncitori, oameni primitori și prietenoși, ăia care se învață și “spânzurați”, vorba aia, ori proști, hoți, prostalăi și multe altele. N-are rost să continui că știe fiecare din noi ce aude când merge în străinătate și primește priviri crucișe la auzul limbii române. Dacă nu știți (ceea ce ar fi puțin posibil), întrebați un român plecat la muncă în Italia și veți afla răspunsul. Sau doar uitați-vă în jur la cum ne jignim unii pe alții.

Noi, sincer, ca români, suntem un popor tare ciudat, ca să o spun cât se poate de elegant. Ciudat în sensul că ne urâm țara din tot sufletul. Vrem să plecăm, să dăm naibii totul, să dăm foc țării ăsteia ca să ardă cu toți politicienii, hoții și proștii care ne conduc. Nu? Hai că degeaba zici că nu-i așa; pentru că, în adâncul tău, cel puțin odată te-ai gândit: “mamă ce bine mi-ar merge mie în X sau Y țară.” Până și eu m-am gândit de câteva ori la asta. N-are rost să ne ascundem după deget.

Totuși, cu toată ura asta îndreptată spre țară, guvern, hoție și altele, brusc, ca prin magie, uităm de toate astea când e 1 Decembrie sau vreun meci al naționalei și ragem imnul de zici că nu există mai naționaliști ca noi. Nu-și iubește nimeni țara, nu o laudă nimeni ca noi. Ori, cum observ de ceva vreme, sărim, ca atinși de uleiul în care prăjim micii, atunci când vine vreun străin sau chiar concetățean și ne atacă originile… Să-l ferească Dumnezeu pe cel care pică pe gura unui român “naționalist”. No, că aici am și vrut să ajung.

Jigniri aduse la adresa țării noastre sunt de când pământul. Dar și înfumurarea românului tot de pe-atunci. Când se făcuse coada la civilizație și neuroni 1+1 gratis, românu’ stătea cu cartea de istorie și i-o băga în gură vreunui englez sau francez care și-a permis să îl facă pe român “țăran prost”. Și cum adică să îl faci pe român prost? Păi nu știu ei cu cine se pun? Nu știu străinezii ăștia că dacă nu eram noi, ei mureau proști si nu știau să scrie că n-aveau cu ce? Sau că n-ar fi putut vedea nimic din lume ca n-ar fi avut “avion”??

Ne place să ne mândrim cu ce au făcut alții înaintea noastră sau chiar în zilele noastre. Aud cât se poate de des fraza asta: “Ce mândru sunt că sunt român” atunci când Halep, echipele naționale de fotbal și handbal câștigă meciuri după meciuri, ori vreun elev de liceu devine olimpic internațional la mate sau alte materii.

Nu zic să nu apreciem oamenii care au rezultate bune. Dar hai să mai lăsăm din gândirea comunistă de “uite ce am făcut noi ca români” când e clar că nu am făcut niciunu’ nimic pentru a-i ajuta. Ba chiar mai rău, le-am dat în cap și am încercat să îi descurajăm. Că și asta e o pasiune tâmpită de-a noastră. Adică ne place doar să câștigăm, să ni se ducă numele, dar nu cumva să dea careva cu bățu-n baltă că un-doi apărem cu bulgării de noroi gata de atac.

Și mai ușor și cu cartea de istorie. Văd postări asemănătoare cu “dacă te jignește cineva, românule nu uita că vii din țara în care au trăit Mircea cel Bătrân, Țepeș, Vlaicu, Poenar etc”. Și ce? I-ai ținut tu în pântec nouă luni și după i-ai pus spada în mână lui Ștefan? L-ai învățat tu pe Poenar să pună mâna pe creion și să scrie sau l-ai ajutat tu pe Vlaicu să construiască unul din avioane? Pot băgă mâna în foc că tot tu, române, l-ai făcut “nebun” și acum îi sufli în coarne. Că de! A (am) făcut.

Admiră-i pe strămoșii tăi, dar ia-le și exemplul. Nu mai trăi atâta în trecut și fă ceva în prezent. Nu aștepta să ți se pună totul de-a gata în față. Știu că nouă ne curg balele la ideea de a fii cei mai tari și cei mai puternici. Vrem o țară ca afară, vrem să fie totul la cote mai ceva ca mărimea galaxiei, dar când vin la pachet și responsabilitățile și compromisurile fugim de mâncăm pământul cu tot cu viermi. “Nu dom’le, nu să poate. Totu’ e degeaba oricum.” Așa-i?

Ne lăudăm că ne-am apărat de cutare și cutare, dar hai să fim serioși. De câte ori de-a lungul istoriei am fost niște papă lapte și ne-a fost frică să zicem “nu”? De câte ori nu ne-am lăsat conștient duși de nas de lene ce ne-a fost? Și câte lucruri deplasate și nelalocul lor se întâmplă în țara asta și noi tot închidem ochii și ne culcăm pe o ureche? Aș îmbătrâni până le-aș enumera pe toate. Fraților, avem deja faimă negativă… avem cu carul. Doar știe o lume întreagă ce putem. De ce vrem mai mult? Aaa, că e adevărul și n-avem unde să îl ascundem?

Am găsit ceva și mai absurd de curand. Nu ne mai ajung personalitățile pe care le avem în istorie, ajungem să facem pe naiba-n patru și să îi facem și pe alții “rumâni”, așa cum am văzut că peste noapte Tesla s-a transformat într-un “istro-român” așa cum susțin niște amețiți care sigur aveau la legale ascunse sub masă mai ceva ca averile politicienilor.

Mamă ce ne mai place iluzia asta. Și ce satisfacție pe noi când primim asemenea știri. Am fi în stare să îi găsim și lui Newton rădăcini românești și apoi să constatăm cu o mirare pe cât se poate de naivă că, de fapt, îl chema Nelu. L-am face și pe Bon Jovi oltean de la mama lui pe care, de fapt, îl chema Ionică a lu’ nea’ Frăguță. Am face orice numa’ ca să avem cu ce ne da mari când cineva ne jignește și nu suntem în stare să argumentăm logic opusul. Că n-avem cum. Știi si tu că nu faci nimic, că spargi semințe toată ziua și creezi teorii conspiraționiste ca să îi hrănești pe ăia care chiar îți înghit prostiile pe care le debitezi.

Lasă-i pe străini în pace și susține românii din țara ta. Că tot te plângi că pleacă toată valoarea peste hotare. Hai să ne mai întrebăm și de ce pleacă oamenii valoroși? Uită-te cum a fost Brâncuși tratat aici și cum a fost primit în străinătate. Nici nu știu cum mai avem tupeul să ne înfumurăm aducându-l în discuție, numindu-l “sculptorul sufletului românesc” atâta timp cât nu a fost prețuit până era în țară. Și, din nefericire, nu e singurul care a trăit în batjocura celor din jurul lui și nici ultimul nu va fi. Dar, uite, că a ajuns celebru și românul și-a schimbat părerea și îl ridică în slăvi ca pe o zeitate. Cât de jenant…

E destul de trist că încă ne place comunismu’. Da, da. Comunismu’ ăla de “noi românii v-am dat, noi românii v-am făcut”. Pentru că atunci când unu face ceva bun și recunoscut de alții, brusc devine “al nostru”. Cum adică să nu ne asumăm ceva ce e clar că a fost creat la noi acasă?

Înțeleg că vrem să ne mândrim cu ceva. E și normal. Toți vrem să avem un rost și să facem din viața noastră un obiectiv măreț. Dar nu toți putem să ajungem o voce singulară care să devină faimoasă. Trist și scandalos să audă orgoliul nostru asta, nu?

Totuși, să privim partea bună. Putem să devenim o voce, împreună. Te-ai gândit la asta? Du-te la vot, susține-i pe cei care au visuri mărețe și care vor să schimbe ceva, nu mai arunca gunoaie pe stradă și nu mai fluiera sau claxona fetele pe stradă. Nu mai judeca omul din fața ta după haine, mașină, rasă sau statut social. Respectă femeile, luptă împotriva violenței domestice, a violului și a pedofiliei. Schimbă-ți mentalitatea și nu mai lua de bun orice rahat ți se aruncă în față. Și nu în ultimul rând, nu te mai mulțumi cu puțin. Dacă vrei ceva, luptă și fă sacrificii. Să dăm din gură pe internet și să facem pe deștepții știm toți. Aduce ceva bun? Nu cred.

Încă un exemplu, care se potrivește cu situația actuală: respectă regulile alea de igienă și de distanțare socială și nu te mai plânge ca un țânc că ți se fură libertatea și viața dacă porți o amărâtă de mască. Degeaba te uiți în stânga și în dreapta și schelălăi că “uite că alții nu mor și nu mai au atâtea cazuri. Cineva vrea să ne omoaaare” atâta timp cât tu nu porți masca aia, sau o porți pe braț ca brățară, te înghesui la terase, pe plajă și la petreceri mai ceva ca o sardea în conservă. De ce atâta șoc și furie legate de creșterea numărului de cazuri COVID? Ne-o facem cu mâna noastră și tot noi facem tragedia secolului. Uită-te în dreapta și în stânga, dar mai fă ceva: ia exemplu.

După ce vei ajunge să conștientizezi că trebuie să faci o schimbare, să ajuți la creșterea unor comunități cu norme morale și minte limpede, atunci da, te poți mândri că ești român pentru că participi într-adevăr la ceva care îți aduce mândrie ție ca om.

Dacă nu îți place să lucrezi “în echipă” și cot la cot cu alți concetățeni și tot visezi la faima singulară… atunci, române, te lauzi degeaba cu munca altora.

Te lauzi degeaba dacă tu nu te duci la vot și dai bir cu fugiții. Atâta timp cât în țara asta se votează pedofili și alți criminali în poziții de conducere… sau mai tragic, votăm cadavre pe poziții de primari… Îți umfli orgoliul cu pompa în van dacă îți bați nevasta, îți descurajezi copiii sau dorești răul celui căruia îi merge mai bine decât îți merge ție. Atâta timp cât preferi să nu faci nimic pentru că “tot acolo e”, nu ai nici un drept să îți asumi realizările acelor câțiva care încă se chinuie să mai facă ceva în țara asta, dar nici n-ai dreptul să judeci când cineva o dă în bară.

Țara asta nu e de vină că are atâția leneși și ignoranți pe kilometru pătrat și nici nu merită să o urăști pentru că tu nu ești în stare de nimic.”

That was all she wrote!~

What writing means to me

“Welcome back, my lovely and loyal readers! I am here today to write a new article that you may find interesting since it is about something special to me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about new stories and plots more than usual because it is a bit difficult for me to fall asleep these days so telling myself stories makes me induce some kind of “falling asleep” illusion. Also, I started posting some passages from novels (that don’t have a form… or a plan to be given a form yet) in Romanian. In other words, I’ve been in my writer mood these days and at some point I asked myself: What does writing mean to me?

IT WAS A CURE FOR SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

I’ve been writing ever since I got my first diary as a gift when I was nine years-old. Coming back from school every day and writing all that happened was something exciting for me and it is still something I amuse myself with from time to time when I want to see what a cringey kid I used to be. And trust me… The sassiness and the cringe is heavy in that first diary of mine.

I’ve started creating stories only when I was in middle school. I was in 6th or 7th grade and I started having problems falling asleep so what can a child do when that happens? I don’t know what other kids my age did but I know that I started creating stories in my head. Many of them had lots of plagiarized stuff from different TV shows I was watching at that time, but I enjoyed mixing them and giving them some original spices that I didn’t really care if they were already used somewhere else or not.

IT GAVE ME A FEELING OF UNIQUENESS

When I finally started to write down all my ideas and having my best friends read them, that made me feel more special than any other hobbies of mine could make me feel. Since it was something new for me and I didn’t really know much about it, everything about writing was exciting to me.

I remember staying late at night writing in these notebooks I had and destroying my eyes writing in the dark while having my phone’s flashlight on. The next day I would have a new chapter ready to be read by my best friends and I couldn’t wait to get some feedback.

I actually took a break from writing just to search those three notebooks and I found them finally. I get such a strange feeling when I look at them. A feeling of nostalgia but also embarrassment, knowing what those notebooks contain. Ha ha. However, I can proudly say that this is my first manuscript for my first ever something-that-tries-to-look-like-a-novel.

Unfortunately I never finished this story called <<High school love/High school love affair/ My “love” story>>. It had lots of titles till now and I still can’t find a good one since I changed its plot almost entirely, I decided to make it similar to an auto-biography and I will change the entire goal of this novel. I stopped writing it the way I started because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere and it seemed like I wasn’t trying to say anything special. I wanted this “story” to have a reason it exists so I stopped and planned another journey for it.

It is still fun to read this childish and clumsy story for time to time, even if it makes me uncomfortable reading all those clichés that could kill people with free cringe.

IT HELPS ME KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME

Keeping a journal and writing every day in it, not only it created a new interest for me, it also helped me learn lessons and grow up. Yeah, my 9-year-old version was very dumb and annoying, but all the stupid things I did in the past and wrote them down… I still remember them and I try not to do the same as I did.

I still write in my diary. Not as often as I used to and I don’t really write about what I do during a day but how I feel. Ever since my depression got worse, writing was the best thing I could do when I didn’t want to talk to someone about things they wouldn’t understand. So I was talking to myself about all those contradictory feelings I had and still have. It makes me feel better when I know that I will read all those words in five, ten or fifteen years, when I’ll already be a real adult and hopefully more happy and less troubled than I am now.

IT IS MY BEST PLACE TO HIDE MY REAL FEELINGS

Fiction gives you the freedom to write about whatever you want to. Writing novels or stories are the best place where I can actually pour all my anger, happiness or sadness into one or several characters that each represents a part of me. Yes, in other words, I can say that I am so afraid to be myself in my daily life that I choose to let my characters be me.

But it is not only that. Through my characters I can do all the things I always wanted to do but hadn’t had the chance, I can get “revenge” or fight for justice in ways I can’t always do in real life. I live my greatest dreams through my characters: playing football, being a professional and internationally recognized photographer, being a very good dancer and many more. More important than all these is the fact that I can create the best version of ME. I can be the main character that has a happy-ending instead of the antagonist that everybody hates and that always finds a tragical ending.

IT IS THE ONLY HOBBY I DIDN’T TURN INTO A COMPETITION

I’m not going to lie. There was a time when I started posting my stories on Wattpad and I was frustrated when some cliché stories had more fame than mine, even though I worked a lot to give my readers something well-written instead of a very short chapter with lots of grammar mistakes.

After I grown up as a writer and I changed my style of writing, I gradually started to care less if someone likes what I write and pay more attention to the way I feel about what I put on the paper. Usually if you don’t like what you write, your readers won’t like it either. Everything starts from you.

Doing this, writing became the one and only passion of mine that I don’t hate because nobody could exploit or take advantage of it and I also don’t compare my writings to other people’s stories that are better than mine. Instead, I started reading more and looking for any piece of advice any writer gives.

Writing is the best non-human friend I have because it is a room when I can stay face to face with myself. I can work with myself, talk to myself and let all the burden on my shoulders fall down on the floor.

This is what writing means to me. It means ME…

What does writing mean to YOU?”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and I really hope I can see what writing means to you by posting a comment here. Can’t wait to hearing from you, guys!~

Stay safe, stay positive and stay happy! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Fragmente din posibile romane (II)

“Bună din nou! M-am întors cu un nou fragmențel pe care l-am scris în 2017 și l-am editat acum, înainte să vi-l ofer proaspăt și călduț.

Fragmentul ăsta face parte și el din categoria: <<cum ai introduce un prieten/ă într-un roman>>. Lectură plăcută!

După 10 ore draconice de călătorit cu trenul, pe parcursul căreia am crezut că o să cedez nervos, am ajuns în sfârşit la destinaţie. Simţeam cum pământul întreg se cutremura sub picioarele mele atunci când am sărit direct pe peronul rece, plind de băltoace, tânjind după ceva stabil şi sigur în urma zguduiturilor continue şi a zgomotului pe care a trebuit să le suport atâta timp.

M-am uitat în jurul meu şi atunci mi-am dat seama că eu eram singurul care coborâse din tren, iar gara era goală. Totul era aproape de a se prăbuși la pământ. Clădirea gării arăta de parca nu mai trecuse picior de om pe acolo de zeci de ani, iar băncile rupte și acoperite de rugină și mușchi veneau ca o dovadă a pustietății. Până la urmă nici timpul nu mai are timp pentru a schimba înfăţişarea acestui loc uitat de lume.

Puteai auzi vântul şuierând, tăind suprafaţa lucioasă a şinelor. Pentru un moment mi-am imaginat că ajunsem la capătul lumii, însă sunetul spart al difuzoarelor care anunţau următorul tren m-a readus în acel loc banal pe care încercam să îl remodelez în propria-mi imaginaţie, să îl readuc la ceea ce a fost cândva. Dar era în zadar. Oricât de mult m-aș fi chinuit să închid ochii și să îmi aduc aminte, parcă cineva îmi șterse cu o radieră toate imaginile ale locurilor pe care le știam ca în palmă cândva. Îmi aminteam doar cum mama îmi povestea de frumusețea orășelului și bunătatea oamenilor care umpleau străzile în fiecare zi. Aș fi zis că am coborât în stația greșită. Nu regăseam nimic din spusele mamei.

Sau poate mama știa cum să înfrumusețeze chiar şi cel mai derăpănat colţ al pământului, transformându-l într-un loc legendar. Poate de aceea îmi aminteam locul acesta într-un altfel… din cauza mamei…

Am traversat cu greu șinele de tren, ținând în ambele brațe câte un geamantan, punând în sfârșit piciorul pe celălalt peron. Asfaltul era crăpat, mici ierburi si flori sălbatice reușind să găsească o fărâmă de viață și să se dezvolte în acele locșoare minuscule. Începuse să mă ia un sentiment de nesiguranță și teamă. Ceva îmi spunea să mă întorc în tren și să merg mai departe, însă trenul deja începuse să scoată sunete scârțâite și să se pună în mișcare încetul cu încetul până ce se depărtă prea mult de mine.

Am oftat și am ocolit clădirea gării până când am ajuns pe o stradă pustie care părea că nu se mai termină. Mă uitam în zare şi deja încercam să îmi construiesc tot drumul până acasă. Ceea ce aveam, însă, în fața mea, nu era nimic din ceea ce îmi aminteam. Era doar gol. O stradă goală, prăfuită, fără trotuare sau case care să arate măcar că mai există viață aici.

Am continuat să merg tot înainte. Acela era singurul drum pe care puteam merge. Vântul începea să bată din ce în ce mai tare, praful începând să facă mici cercuri deasupra drumului ca de ţară, înălţându-se spre cer, dispărând apoi ca o nălucă. Nu mă grăbeam. Voiam să mă opresc de fiecare dată când vedeam ceva ce îmi reamintea de parfumul şi de prezenţa mamei, chiar dacă acele lucruri erau puține.

Mă oprisem în faţa unui copac din care doar trunchiul mai exista, precum o casă fără acoperiş, precum amintirile mele uitate şi ascunse într-o scorbură. Era copacul sub care eu şi mama ne odihneam în verile toride în care ne întorceam de la câmp. Mereu îmi spunea că oamenii cu sufletul curat care voiau să se odihnească, dacă se aşezau la trunchiul acestuia, primeau fiecare o frunză pe care o puteau folosi ca scut impotriva răutății din lume. Să văd imaginea aceasta retezată a copacului mă făcu să mă cutremur pentru un moment, şi să îl privesc cu mâhnire.

O mână subţire aşezată pe umărul meu drept mă facuse să tresar şi să mă uit panicat în toate părţile. În faţa mea stătea o dovadă vie că satul acela mai avea viaţă. O fată zveltă, cu părul precum spicul copt al grâului şi cu ochi mici și negrii precum misterele lumii se uita lung la mine, pătrunzând în sufletul meu fără ca eu să îmi dau seama. Nu o cunoșteam, însă îmi dădea un aer de familiaritate foarte ciudat.

Începusem să clipesc rar, nefiind în stare să mă gândesc la nimic altceva. Ochii ei erau atât de misterioşi încât mă pierdusem în căutarea unui răspuns la o întrebare pe care nici eu nu o cunoşteam. Îmi zâmbea, iar eu mă uitam în continuare uluit la ea ca şi cum nu înţelegeam existenţa ei. Și chiar nu o înțelegeam. Nu știam de unde apăruse și unde mergea.

– Îţi voi arăta eu drumul! au fost singurele cuvinte pe care ea le rosti cu o voce înceată. Am dat din cap, de parcă eram în transă, şi am urmat-o, cu toate că ştiam drumul. Îl ştiam prea bine. Era drumul care m-a dus la propria-mi înstrăinare. Îi urmăream fiecare mişcare a mâinii pe care o plimba prin bălăria de pe marginea drumului în timp ce fredona un cântec de neînţeles pentru mine.

Eram curios să o întreb cine e, de unde vine şi mai ales, de ce se comporta ca şi cum m-ar cunoaşte, însă continuam să mă uit la ea în linişte. Mersul aproape săltat, dar totuşi cu o eleganţă aparte, îi făcea părul să se legene mereu, ca şi cum ar fi încercat să hipnotizeze timpul pentru a se opri din fuga lui nebună.

Drumul pe care mergeam nu mai era acelaşi. Nu era drumul pe care mi-l aminteam. Mi se părea că mă îndreptam spre un loc pe care nu îl cunoşteam, aşa cum nu cunoşteam fiinţa care mergea înaintea mea, uitându-se din când în când în urmă, zâmbindu-mi, continuându-şi mai apoi cântecul şi mersul care devenea tot mai lent, până în momentul în care se opri brusc.

Mă uitam doar la ea. Mă aşteptam să primesc acum răspunsul la întrebările pe care mi le-am pus de-a lungul acestei călătorii, însă ea doar făcu un pas spre mine şi îmi vorbi, zâmbind şi oftând uşurată: “Am ajuns!” apoi se depărtă şi dispăru în zare. După câteva momente, am ieşit din transă şi m-am uitat în jur. Eram acasă… Eram într-adevăr acasă…”

That was all she wrote!~

Vă mulțumesc pentru lecturarea acestui articol! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Fragmente din posibile romane (I)

“Bine ați revenit, dragi cititori. Tot mai rar încep să scriu pe blog și tot mai greu îmi pot găsi motivația de a mai continua să fac orice. Totuși, m-am gândit să trag puțin de mine în seara asta și să postez ceva interesant.

Acum un an sau doi am găsit o postare foarte interesantă pe o pagină de facebook dedicată scriitorilor. Postarea era o provocare pentru a pune imaginația la contribuție. Cine îți scria un comentariu la postare, tu trebuia să scrii cum ai indroduce acea persoană ca personaj în povestea ta.

Din nefericire, am fost leneșă și am scris doar două astfel de scurte fragmente, dar probabil voi continua să fac asta mai des. Măcar scrisul să rămână acel ceva de care să nu mă simt în permanență dezamăgită.

Mai jos veți găsi un fragment dedicat unei artiste roșcate pe care mi-am făcut-o prietenă cât timp am fost la Cluj. Lectură plăcută!

Ploaia se oprise într-un final, în urma ei întinzându-se de-a lungul aleilor oglinzi mai mari și mai mici în care copacii și clădirile vechi ale Parisului își puteau admira propria frumusețe. Mă uitam la tot ce mă înconjura ca la un nou-născut care îmi răspundea la zâmbetele calde.

Era toamnă… Și chiar dacă nu îmi plăcea toamna deloc din cauza ploilor mult prea dese și a frigului care se întețea cu fiecare zi care trecea, astăzi parcă îmi era drag și să mă uit spre cerul care încă era acoperit de norii ca de cenușă. Nu mă mai deranja nici faptul că cizmele mele de piele întoarsă se umezeau la vârd cu fiecare pas pe care îl făceam. Mă zgâiam doar la fiecare reflexie din bălțile care împânzeau trotuarele, ca niște porți către o altă lume.

Mergeam încet și zâmbeam. Nu mai fusesem atât de liniștită de mult timp, iar gândul revederii unei persoane dragi îmi ridica moralul și mai mult.

Am ajuns în sfârșit în cartierul care trăda faima și eleganța Parisului. Era unul din cartierele aflate la periferia orașului. Un loc cu multe străduțe înguste și tot timpul umede din cauza lipsei luminii soarelui care abia putea trece de acoperișurile mari și late ale caselor. Mereu mi s-a părut comică zona asta a orașului. Tencuiala caselor era ori căzută cu totul, ori aveau culori atât de ciudate încât tot aspectul caselor devenea aproape grotesc, însă ce era la interior era ca scos din basme.

Cu pași mici și grijulii, pentru a nu cădea în noroi, am intrat pe una din străduțe și am înaintat până când m-am regăsit din nou în fața acelei clădiri ponosite care puteam să jur că nu mai avea mult și putea sa cadă la cea mai mică adiere a vântului.

Totuși stătea încă în picioare spre mirarea mea și a tuturor oamenilor din acel oraș animat. Acesta e paradoxul capitalei artei: totul pare efemer și fragil, dar fiecare copac, clădire sau piatră rezistă anotimpuri la rând, spunându-și povestea fiecărei generații de oameni care vor să le afle secretele.

Pereții înnegriți de vreme ai clădirii cu cinci etaje mă făceau să mă uit de două ori înainte să trec de ușa înaltă de lemn care despărțea strada aceea murdară de o lume ciudată.

După ce am urcat primele trepte crăpate de beton am început deja să simt un miros înțepător de diluant care te poate trânti la pământ dacă inspiri prea mult aer dintr-o dată.

Am tras aer in piept și m-am pregatit sufletește să urc cinci etaje pentru a ajunge în vechea mansardă. De ce a trebuit să se cocoațe fix la mansardă? Și, pe deasupra, și într-o clădire născută înainte de inventarea liftului.

“Numărul scărilor mă oprește din a-mi lăsa munca jumătate neterminată. Înainte de a pleca, stau și mă uit de zece ori la munca mea pentru a mă convinge că am terminat ce am avut de făcut sau nu”

Auzeam deja vocea ei ca și cum ar fi fost lângă mine. Știam că muncea după felul de amețeală pe care o simțeam de la mirosul de vopsele și diluant care devenea din ce în ce mai puternic cu fiecare etaj pe care îl urcam.

Am ajuns în fața atelierului de sculptură, cel în care intrasem de cel puțin patru ori din greșeală din cauză că uitam de șirul etajelor. Auzindu-mi pașii greoi pe scările de lemn, sculptorul drăguț, care mereu se uita la mine șocat când pașeam pe terenul lui, neinvitată, îmi ieșise în cale, cu hainele pline de praf dar cu zâmbetul la fel de strălucitor ca atunci când l-am văzut prima oară când râse de mine din cauză că aproape am dat jos una din machetele lui.

– Nu-mi faci nici astazi o vizită surpriză sau vreo demolare?

– Foarte amuzant, i-am răspuns cu un surâs strâmb. Ce surpriză poate fi când deja sunt în fața ta? mi-am ridicat ambele brațe și apoi le-am lăsat să cadă.

Râse din nou si se uita la mine din cap până în picioare.

– Cam elegante hainele pentru locul ăsta.

– Trebuie să precizez că nu veneam la tine?

– Ah… Îmi rănești orgoliul, spuse el jucând cartea victimei.

Ciudat sau nu, nu îi știam numele. Cred că nici el pe al meu. Dar nu era nevoie să ne cunoaștem numele unul celuilalt. Poate că strălucirea zâmbetului i-ar fi dispărut de îndată ce mi-ar fi spus că numele lui e Francis. Sau poate vreun alt nume care nu se potrivește cu aura lui masculină și artistică.

Am făcut câțiva pași spre următoarele scări.

– Te duci să o vizitezi pe roșcovană?

– Pe cine altcineva? Trebuie să îmi hrănesc copilul, am râs. Și nu sunteți numai voi în întreaga clădire?

– Mai e si văduvul de deasupra. Mă gândeam că poate ai gusturi mai… speciale.

Am pus un picior pe prima treaptă când i-am auzit din nou vocea răgușită care era muzică pentru urechile mele:

– Stă de vreo trei zile acolo fără să iasă. Bombănea ceva de expoziția din St. Petersburg sau ceva din Rusia. Scoate-o la aer. Diluantul i-a amețit deja creierii.

– Poate mă amețesc și eu și nu mai scap cu viață. Nu poți știi ce se va întâmpla. Am ridicat o sprânceană și m-am uitat cu coada ochiului la el.

– Nu e cazul. Un rânjet atrăgător i se întinse pe față. Se rezemă de tocul ușii și își puse mâinile în sân. M-am întors cu tot corpul spre el.

– Ce te face atât de sigur?

– În cel mai rău caz amețești puțin de la diluant. Ea e amețită de artă cu totul. Și prin vene îi curge vopsea. Tu ești…

Am încercat să îmi ascund râsul.

– Eu sunt…? l-am provocat să continue.

– Ești cu mintea mai deschisă, spuse el uitându-se la mine din cap până în picioare.

Am ridicat din sprâncene, încercând să par flatată.

– Dar tu? am continuat. Tu nu ești amețit?

– Eu nu amețesc. În cel mai rău caz mă înec de la praf. De asta avem nevoie de salvare.

– Atunci nici ție nu ți-ar strica putin aer. Ai praf și în urechi sigur.

– Doar dacă vii să mă salvezi. Am zâmbit și am continuat să urc scările care parcă nu se mai terminau.

Am ajuns în sfârșit în fața ușii de lemn care era larg deschisă, un vânt puternic lovindu-mă în față. Ca de obicei, folii de plastic erau întinse pe jos, pline de pete de vopsea, câteva tablouri agățate pe pereți și două șevalete ocupau studioul imens.

În fața geamului larg deschis, am zărit, în spatele unuia dintre șevalete, un coc dezordonat prin care lumina crea diferite nuanțe de roșu și portocaliu. Se mișca repede, întorcându-se când spre dreapta, când spre stânga, aproape într-un ritm metronomic.

Mi-am dres vocea însă nu mă auzea. Am încercat să imit un tușit mai zgomotos, însă tot cu același rezultat. Apoi mi-am adus aminte. M-am apucat să fluier refrenul melodiei La vie en rose și dintr-o dată cocul mic și roșu se opri, ridicându-se brusc.

– Taaaci! Nu mai cânta prostia aia! răsună vocea ei prin sala goală.

Am zâmbit victorios.

Doi ochi negri mă priveau lung și apoi din spatele întregului șevalet, roșcata mea prietenă se ridică în capul oaselor.

– Ai venit deja? Credeam că vii doar mâine… Cel putin așa mi-ai zis.

– E miercuri… Adică “mâine”, am schițat ghilimelele cu degetele. Să înțeleg că ai pierdut din nou noțiunea timpului?

– Miercuri… Îngână ea, dând din cap.

– Deci tipul de jos a avut dreptate cand a spus că ești de trei zile închisă aici.

– Eh inchisă… Nu vezi că am ușa larg deschisă? spuse ea trecând printre gălețile de vopsea și cele cu pensule, încercând cumva să ajungă la mine.

– Te-aș lua în brațe, spuse ea, oprindu-se în fața mea și stând cu mâinile în șolduri. Dar nu cred că îți permiți să îmi plătești.

– Ce să îți plătesc?

Își întinse puțin capul înainte, arătând spre jacheta mea verde.

– Ar fii o operă de artă care ar ajunge direct în expoziții, continuă ea râzând scurt, urmând-o și eu după câteva secunde.

– Nici nu mă mir că se simte mirosul superb de diluant până jos la intrare, am schimbat eu subiectul.

– E de bine atunci. Nu mai spun alții ca stau degeaba toată ziua, urlă ea spre ușă, probabil să o audă sculptorul. Plus ca știe lumea că trăiesc, continuă ea cu un ton mai calm și uitându-se la mine.

– Oare? Am râs și m-am apropiat de ea, însă ea mă opri.

– Ai mancare în punga aia? spuse ea, arătând cu degetul spre sacoșa de hârtie din mâna mea.

– Se vede pe cine ai așteptat mai mult, am râs și i-am înmânat punga plină cu produse de patiserie, sucuri și câteva supe instant.

– Nu mi-ai adus cumva și o sticlă de vin?

– Ba da… Și un frigider și o cămară plină cu conserve. Și am mutat și un magazin la primul etaj. Nu crezi că vrei prea multe?

– Hm… Să știi că nu-i rea ideea. Și așa ai vrut să deschizi o afacere. Ai destule etaje goale. Ar merge bine magazinul ei aici, începu să mănânce și să arunce câte un cuvânt printre îmbucături.

– Și cu un magazin la mansardă ai muri de foame la cât de des uiți să mănânci… m-am uitat lung la ea, dar prietena mea părea că nici nu mă ascultă.

– Pot să vad la ce lucrezi?

– Dacă vrei să îți cadă ochii pe podea la cât de hidos arată, sigur. Ești invitata mea. Doar că nu sunt responsabilă dacă va ramâne praf și vopsea pe ei.

Am trecut peste grămada de pensule și vopsele, încercând să nu mișc nimic de la locul lui, cu toate că era o dezordine imensă în acea încăpere. M-am apropiat încet de șevalet și aproape că uitasem să mai respir.

– Vai de mine!

– Ti-am spus că e hidos. Vezi să nu leșini. Sau măcar dă-te mai încolo să nu cazi pe geam.

– Așa ai spus și când ai câștigat concursul de aici, din Paris. E genial… Știu că ochii tăi sunt stricați de la vopsea… Dar e genial.

Prietena mea se uită la mine și cu dosul palmei își dădu câteva fire rebele din ochi.

– E un nimic. Și aia e.

Știam că îi place cum iese. Dacă ar fi fost dezamăgită de toată lucrarea, ar fi aruncat-o direct pe geam. Nu ar fi fost prima oară… și nici ultima. De asta și ține mereu geamul larg deschis.

– Vei face la fel si acum. Parca vad. Vor merge oamenii la expozitie și le vei spune din nou în față că sunt proști si chiori și că nu știu să recunoască un gunoi. Oare și rușii reacționează la fel dacă le spui că sunt tâmpiți?

– Deja ți-a spus gură-spartă-prăfuitul că merg la Rassia? întrebă ea cu un accent puternic rusesc.

– Nici nu a fost nevoie sa îl intreb. Scoate vorbele pe gură la fel de ușor precum zboară praful în jurul lui.

Terminase de mâncat, aruncă punga într-o galeată albă dintr-un colț al camerei și își reluă locul în fața șevaletului, iar eu i-am lăsat loc pentru a se desfășura. Am mai rămas încă o jumătate de oră în fata ușii, timp în care ea și uitase că mai eram prezentă. Cu un zâmbet pe față, m-am retras, știind că prietena mea nu mai era pe planeta asta. Își dădea întâlniri cu Picasso prin nu știu ce dimensiune paralelă.

Coboram mai iute față de cum urcam. Aveam de salvat și prințesa prăfuită la ananghie de la etajul doi.”

That was all she wrote!~

Mulțumesc mult pentru lectura acestui fragment dintr-un posibil viitor roman. Sunt foarte curioasă de părerile voastre. Nu vă sfiiți și spuneți-mi ce părere aveți de acest fragment!~

Pe curââând!~  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Why I hate my talents…

“Hi guys!~ It’s been a while, I know. My world has been really upside down these days and I could barely bring myself to write something new for my blog.

I planned to write this article for a long time but I didn’t have the time to gather all my strength to talk to you about this. But now I found the courage.

Talking about myself is always a very difficult task for me. Just a few days ago I had to write an essay about why I am motivated to apply to a university. It was such a difficult task, especially when I had to talk about my “abilities”, “talents” and positive traits. Maybe you’d say “You’re too humble or shy, that’s why it was difficult”, but the truth is, “shyness” is not a thing that can be put into this discussion.

Yes, I have a lot of talents and abilities but the more other people admire me for that, the more I hate my skills and especially talking about them.

And now maybe you’d ask yourself: WHY?

Everything started with first grade. Everything was new: the people, the teacher, the environment. On the first day of school, the teacher asked some of us to sing, so my mom encouraged me to. So I sang. And from then, things got pretty…crazy, I can say.

I started getting piano lessons, I started singing more and going to poetry competitions, any event possible that could give my school some kind of recognition. But while all these happened, I was going to school with a label on my forehead: problematic child.

I have to be honest here, from a young age I was predisposed to an arrogant and angry behavior. Half of the reason was because that is my temperament (the anger issues), but the other half is that I was compared endlessly with one of my class-mates. And of course, when a kid is compared to another one and is always told “Why are you not like her? Why are you not as good at math as her? Why aren’t you as quiet as her?” etc, there are two possible scenarios that can happen:

• The kid starts to be a copycat and will develop a strong competitiveness and they will end up as frustrated individuals
• The kid will be rebellious and will find any possible way to get the attention so that they won’t live in the shadow of the other kid.

Guess what happened to me? The first or the second scenario? Well, actually both of them… Everyday, while being at school, I was that brat that everything they could do was being angry and a pain in the ass, but I was also trying so hard to be just like my class-mate. Okay, I was arrogant a few times and I had this huge label on my forehead, but what was more annoying than my problematic temper was that all these would disappear the moment a competition or important event was in our school or in town. Just like that, *poof*, in less than a day I would suddenly be a good, talented, skilled and amazing student BUT not because those were my qualities. No, no. I was such a skilled kid because my teacher discovered and developed my skills.

I was too young to realize that I was actually a tool used to create fame for my teacher and my school, and that didn’t stopped until I graduated high school. For 12 years, all my talents were just used by others and I let them do that because I really wanted to show everyone that I wasn’t a bad person.

Primary school was hell for me and with everyday that passed I was becoming more and more frustrated with the fact that I can’t be good enough to be seen as a normal child. I felt only like an object people used from time to time and then, when I couldn’t be used anymore, I was thrown in a corner of the attic.

Middle school was the moment I decided I need to chill and put my life in order and I can proudly say that I was finally able to be calmer and less arrogant than before… but the comparisons never ended and I could not get rid of my “troublemaker” fame, no matter how hard I tried. Nobody liked me at all, so I started to learn new skills: writing, dancing, drawing, crafting so that maybe people would like me more. That did not happen though.

The good part is that I met two or three amazing teachers that finally made me feel like a human being. They did not care about my past issues, my family, any kind of background I had. They saw me for what I was. I could finally go home from school without starting crying in front of my mom saying “Am I such a bad kid, mom? Why do people hate me so much?” or crying my eyes out while doing my homework because I knew that the next day my teacher would yell at me and compare me with my class-mate again. I was motivated to be better, because I finally had support from those teachers, even if other teachers still continued to show all my flaws and point out all the things I wasn’t good enough at.

It is funny that the those people that compared me with someone else said that they did that to motivate me to be better and were angry because I wasn’t, but they also made fun of me, making me feel like an idiot because “you could never be like her”. Also, the same people were the ones telling me “why are you depressed? You have no reason to be depressed” when I finally had the guts to tell the world how I felt for more than 12 years of my life. The thing that hurt me the most was when one of my teachers told me: “Nothing like that happened to you. Nobody compared you to others. It’s all in your head. You are not depressed. You are just too arrogant, selfish and you want all the attention to yourself.”

I heard that from someone who claims that they care about me but they actually did the same thing as many others. It was painful and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know what I was thinking at that moment.

During high-school I was already on the way to self-neglect and self-destruction. The same things were happening: I was compared with the same person even though we weren’t in the same classroom anymore (but she was in a better classroom, so shame on me because I ended up in a “shitty” classroom), some of my class-mates took advantage of my skills for their needs, and also my homeroom teacher was exploiting me. She was exploiting me so much that she literally started to oblige me to go to the school’s events and do all kinds of stuff because “It is your duty to do this for the high school”. And guess who took all the praise for all those things. Well, not me, that’s for sure. And it is not like I needed being praised.

The only thing I needed was being treated like a person. Not a “praises bank”, not a “tool”, not a “free drawings machine”, not a “jukebox”… Unfortunately, my cheerful and friendly personality hid all my cries for help or people just didn’t care about me.

Nothing changed since then. Even though people don’t compare me with that person, I do. It already became a habit.

I tried many times to find the good parts in all the things I’ve been through and all the lessons I learned… I didn’t find them yet though. I can only say that primary school and middle school destroyed my chances to be a happy person. I can’t love myself, I can never be content with what I do, and whenever someone asks me what I am interested in or what I am good at, I prefer saying that I am not good at anything instead of trying to list my talents.

The fact that all the skills I have were used for someone else’s pride makes me sick of all of them. And regarding the other skills I developed after I graduated middle school, they all came from the despair and the need of being loved, understood and appreciated so it is very difficult for me to love my talents.

To end up this article, I really want to thank all those people that saw the real me and appreciated me: friends, teachers and acquaintances. You gave me a reason to continue fighting and not giving up. You showed me that I am not useless or hopeless and that I still have a little light of happiness and hope inside me, even though others tried to bury it.

And to the others, I thank you too. I can’t really say that you made me strong, I made myself stronger, but you opened my eyes so I won’t treat anyone the way I was treated. You taught me how not to be in the future. You all did everything you could to destroy my hopes, but fortunately I was able to get up every time.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you guys so much for reading this article and I really hope you enjoyed it. Remember, no matter what others say, you are loved. You are enough. You can be happy! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

What’s in my photography bag?

“Hello, lovely readers!~ I am back. I am pretty lazy these days as you can see how “often” I post here. Woopsie. I promise that the next few days you will be showered with some nice articles I prepared for all photography lovers.

I want to make this category rich in information for any kind of photographer who wants to learn new things or wants to find out more about my own path.

Today I want to show you what I have in my bag… or I can say bags. Because I have two.

So, I’ll start with the “big” guys in my team. I have a 30 l Fancier KingKong backpack that has lots of compartments for lenses, cameras and everything else you need. It also has lots of zippers so you can open it on any side so you don’t have to take out all your gear just to find “the one” you want. I don’t use it that often nowadays because I do not go anywhere far to need that much gear with me, but it is very comfortable for long trips and also for hiking. It has foam-padded shoulder belts so you don’t have to worry about rashes or pain.

I also have a tiny cute Fancier Alpha 50 bag and it is my greatest help when I have photo sessions. Even though it looks tiny, you can carry a camera with a lens attached and also another lens or a flashlight. It has enough space.

I do encourage any newbie photographer to buy a bag like these two because not only your back will be more comfortable while carrying it, your equipment will also be safe from unwanted surprises. They’re not that expensive and I think it is a must-have.

In the picture you can also see that I have a tripod. It is a Cullman Alpha 3200 and I bought it recently and, for now, I only use it to record my Youtube videos. But I plan on trying long exposure pictures as well in the near future. It has good balance and can carry quite a heavy camera with a zoom-lens and also an on-camera flash which I think is more than what I need.

The round thing is the cover that hides my 3in1 reflectors from HPUSN. I wish I could open it to show it to you, but it is quite big and it would have taken way too much space in the photo. I have two covers for it (black and silver) and the main reflector is white. I recently started to use it more often, and it does its job well. (I want to buy a golden cover though.) I still have to learn how to use extra light, but I’m on the good way. It was worth buying it and I do not regret the decision.

And now, the main star of today’s article:

Meet Peter, my camera (I actually call it Petrică, Romanian diminutive for Peter, don’t ask me why I gave it this name.) It’s a Nikon D3300, and yes, it is a camera for beginners and I love it. I bought it back in 2016 and I still adore what I can do with it.

Last year I also bought a MeiKe battery grip. It is a very good deal if you want something with good quality but you’re also on a budget. Nikon grips are much more expensive (you can find them around $300 and I bought my MeiKe grip with about $30) and my MeiKe does its job properly even if it was cheaper. It uses two batteries and it’s very useful for long events like weddings, birthday parties etc.

These are my treasures… well two of them, the other one is… they’re my kids. I love them all…

Nikor 50mm, 2019

From left to right: Nikor 50mm, f/1.8 AF-S, Nikor 18-55 mm, f/3.5-5.6 G VR (this one came with the camera) and Sigma 17-50 mm f/2.8.

The Nikor 50mm is the lens that I use most of the times. It is ideal for portraits, the bokeh is lovely and the aperture is wide. The only disadvantage is that it creates some chromatic aberrations when the white light is strong, but it is not that dramatic, you can correct that easily in Photoshop. I’d suggest anyone to buy one. It’s worth it.

Nikor 18-55mm, 2016

The 18-55mm is retired already. I don’t use it anymore since it’s protective cap is broken. Its aperture depth of field doesn’t make me happy and it also doesn’t have a manual/auto-focus button so it misses focus easily. It is a good lens to start with, but not one to use it for long-term, especially not for portraits or events. The newer versions are a biiiit better, but still not something to use if you want to be a professional in the future.

Sigma 17-50 mm

I bought the Sigma lens as a substitute for my 18-55 mm lens. To be honest, at first, I was quite disappointed in it, but that was because I didn’t know how to use it. After I got used to it, my impression changed but I still can’t say that I’m a huge fan of it. It indeed makes a huge difference from the 18-55 one and it is the lens I use at events. I love that it has a quite wide aperture, but it’s structure is a bit… odd. The lenses inside wiggle and make a strange sound if moved. I don’t really know if that’s normal or not.

I sometimes use it for portraits as well, especially if the place I’m taking photos at isn’t that big and I can’t move five feet away from the model. The results are not bad, but I prefer using it only for events or landscapes. I prefer prime lenses over zoom-lenses though.

Here is my little collection of filters. I have three filters from K&F Concept for my 50 mm lens and the other one is a HOYA filter for my Sigma lens. I haven’t used any of them (except one) yet since I always take photos when it is less sunny outside. I used one of the little ones when I was still in Cluj-Napoca and I love how the colors look with it.

You can also see that I have two memory cards, a 32 GB card from Kingston and another 128 GB card from SanDisk. I use the SanDisk one more often these days because it has a higher speed so I can shoot RAW with no problems.

Meet my Godox flashlight TT685N Thinklite. He makes my job harder when I take it with me at different events. Why? Because I do not have a receiver and a tripod to put him there and look high and mighty. No. It has to break my wrist while I carry it on my camera.

Even though it makes my wrist cry, I have funny memories with it so I forgive this fella for the pain it makes me go through.

Last but not least, I present you the most important thing (after the camera and lenses) any photographer should have in their bag: a cleaning kit.

I always clean my lenses and camera before a photo shooting so I can avoid the horrifying curse of the dust. They are not that expensive and it is extremely necessary for your camera’s “health”.

That’s all I have for now and I really hope I can make my “family” bigger soon, maybe I’ll be able to buy an 85 mm lens, that will be a dream coming true.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you for reading this article and I really hope you enjoyed it. Stay safe and see you soon!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Why people feel depressed in a relationship/marriage

“Hello and welcome back on my blog, my dear readers. Today I’m coming back with a new article for you and I really hope that my words can help some of you out there.

I am no relationship expert nor psychologist, but I can say that I am a very good observer. And lately I hear and see way too many cases of divorce and toxic/failed marriages.

What concerns me even more is the number of girls my age or even younger getting married, having kids, and that, to be honest, scares the sh*t out of me. Others started getting ready for the big moment(s) and I’m just here, looking panicked at all these.

Just a few days ago I found a photo that showed different steps of a relationship that end with marriage and kids. What triggered me was the fact that some girls shared aggresively that post with this description “all I need in my life”… It made me sigh because it is so sad… But not because I hate the idea of marriage. No, I’m going to leave that in a corner of the room for now.

That innocent sentence: “all I need in my life” is the thing that destroys your chances to happiness from the beginning.

Let me explain you why marriages don’t work anymore nowadays and end tragically.

People think of marriage like it’s a thing to check on their bucketlist

“Your only purpose in life is to get married and have kids. You’ll be fulfilled only when you achieve that.” This is the biggest BS that we still have to live with in the 21st century. I live in a country where this idea is transmitted from generation to generation like it’s some kind of magic spell, and if you don’t agree with it you’re either crazy or odd. And I’ve been hearing it for 3 years already.

Yes, we were created to perpetuate human life. BUT not like this. Telling yourself that your only purpose in life is marriage is as toxic as depression. Your purpose in life is much more than just getting married.

The thing with fulfillment is relative as well. If you force everything just because you’re scared that you’ll die alone and the clock is tickling, you won’t ever feel fulfilled nor happy. You will just put a lot of pressure on yourself, your partner, and eventually on your kids, and that will end in despair, mental breakdowns and other ugly stuff.

Happiness should come from the inside first. If you search for it in others and depend on that, let me tell you that you’re going full-speed towards self-destruction.

Lately some people get married a bit too early

source: lifelongweddingceremonies.com

I do not judge anyone that gets married at 18 or 20 years old. It is their choice but it is also a very tricky age to get married at. You’re not a teenager anymore but you’re also not an adult yet and a big percentage of these people are not mature enough to know what this all is made of. I personally think that getting to know how this life works is a bigger priority than getting married.

I mean, I literally don’t know how to take care of myself, let alone starting a family and having kids. I also don’t have a stable job and mindset to be able to say “everything is less hectic now, it’s going for better, now it’s time to settle down.”

And some of you will hate me for saying this but are you so bored with life already that you have to get married? Okay, let’s say that you don’t go to a university, but there are still plenty of things to do and learn while being young and free. You can learn so many new things and find new hobbies.

Of course, you can have hobbies while being married but let’s be honest here: how many young newly weds know how to cope with the overwhelming weight of marriage and how many are able to keep the balance between personal interests and family?

That’s why I think both partners should be mature enough before getting married.

Many people just don’t take marriage seriously

I can’t understand what drives men in their early 20s to get back on a knee and pop the question without having a serious talk with their partners before doing this. Marriage is not playing family like we did when we were kids. This may sound very shallow of me but the future married couple should take many things into consideration: money, jobs, if they can create a healthy environment for building a strong and healthy marriage that later can bring kids into this world. Yes, you should enjoy the bliss of being in love and being engaged and so on, but what’s the point in feeling that happiness for, let’s say, two or three years and then suffering for much longer than that?

Marriage involves a lot of responsibility from both partners and they should talk seriously about it before making such an important decision. They should know what each of them wants, how they see life and married-life, their life beliefs and so on.

Unfortunately, most young people end up hating each other after they get married because…

They don’t know each other enough and are driven by passion

I think most couples nowadays skip this very important step of getting to know each other, before and after they get into a relationship.

Many of us mistake passion for love and if in the end everything goes down the drain we get all angry, depressed and go around telling everyone that love doesn’t actually exist. Well if this happened to you, that’s true: love didn’t exist… it was all passion. Love is commitment, maturity and understanding while passion is just crazy, obsessive and extremely blind.

Every relationship starts with passion and other people feel it stronger than others. I’m not saying that this is wrong, but you should really be careful not to let it take the lead. Passion is a fire and if not kept under control, the damages will be huge.

What really decides if your relationship is going to work or not is what happens after passion becomes smaller, because it won’t stay forever like that. If the two partners vibe with each other and have similar beliefs, even if they don’t necessarily have the same hobbies, then their relationship is going to work even if there is less passion and if they face difficulties at some point.

I have to clarify this: Love does not mean that everything will be all pink, cute and easy all the time BUT love also doesn’t mean that it should come with a lot of pain, disappointment and fighting. Both these extremes are toxic.

ClipDealers.com

People don’t solve their problems and think a marriage or relationship can fix them.

One of the most annoying things I heard while fighting with depression was “maybe if you find someone you’ll get over it”. No. This is not how it works.

No matter what kind of problem you have, you should not expect someone else to solve it for you. Yes, a partner can help you and support you through your battle but you should be the one making the effort to solve those problems.

There are lots of men and women that struggle with low self-esteem, they have trust issues or even worse. Let’s say that a relationship may “lessen” the symptoms for a while but if not treated, those symptoms will explode when you least expect them. If you want a relationship and later a strong and healthy marriage, you should start working on those things that may be a possible enemy in your love-life. Treat them, do not throw them on someone else’s shoulders.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, you can share it with your friends and family. Spread the love, stay safe and stay healthy!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Regrets…

“Hello, my dears! Did you miss me? I am sorry for not being as active lately as I wanted to, but I’ve been under some stress and pressure with my admission for university that is knocking at my door.

Even though the process of admission hasn’t started yet, the struggle of trying to find a new path to walk and also a plan B, C, D etc. made me realize something about myself. I have a huge fear of trying new things. I actually knew that I have it, but now I can see its power more often than usual.

However, I don’t want to talk only about my fear of new beginnings, I want to talk especially about the consequences of my uncontrollable fear. This article is also a big heads-up for parents because what you say to your kids when they’re young will affect their life forever. It’s your job to decide the way you affect their life: in a negative or positive way.

I’ve always been a child that wanted to do and try lots of things: from sports, to arts and even medicine, law or computer science. I was curious of so many things, just like any kid should be. The sad plot-twist is that I didn’t always get the encouragement I needed to be a more spontaneous person. The things I heard most of the times when I came with a new idea for a future career were: you’re way too fragile for that and there’s high chances you won’t be able to keep up with that kind of pace. This is one of the reasons my self-esteem is under the sea level.

I always loved football. When I was around six or seven years-old I would go out with my friends and play football. Of course, being the only girl in the team didn’t give me any advantage because I was always the goal-keeper. Maybe it was the other boyss way to try to make me quit and not play with them anymore because they thought I would be afraid not to be hit with the ball. But that didn’t really stop me. I enjoyed running and sweating. I really wish my parents had let me go and try any kind of sport instead of telling me that I’m too fragile for it. Now I can’t even run and not being out of breath after two minutes. Ice-skating, football, volleyball, swimming, basketball were so mesmerising for me when I was younger but now I can only watch them on TV and regret not trying at least one of them.

Dancing is also something I regret not doing when I was young. Even if I wanted to play football or volleyball, I couldn’t really have the chance in my hometown because hand-ball was the only option I could choose, but the dance club in my town was a big deal a few years ago. And it still is. I remember how amazed I was when a friend invited me to one of their dancing shows. I wanted so much to be in their shoes, dancing on the stage and being dressed in cool clothes, but, again, I didn’t have any encouragement from anyone around me.

I was already studying piano at that time and apparently it would have been impossible to have another activity in my free time. I do not regret studying piano. I learned lots of things and thanks to that I could learn playing other instruments too, but there were times when I got more stress and frustration from it than pleasure. Sometimes I think “what if I were a dancer and I would go overseas to competitions and have fun instead of sitting on a chair, in front of a piano for who knows how many hours?”

Piano was always the “safe” option. I couldn’t get hurt or break a bone… only if the piano fell on me but we know that that couldn’t happen that easily. It was a “better” fit for a girl than football. I am obsessed with football, I’m sorry for mentioning it so much.

Anyway, now I’m 21. I almost forgot how to play the piano and music didn’t really offer me anything precise for a career. I quit my first university after one year. I discovered another major I like but my Bacalaureat exam’s grades may sabotage me and I may not be able to study what I like. So I have to find a plan B. But that is difficult. Why? Because I do not know what I can or can’t do. Because I never tried to explore new things that I wasn’t so familiar with. I know my starting point but I don’t know my limits and I’m also afraid to find them.

I thought about studying business or med-school, but I’m afraid it won’t fit me or I won’t like it, and another failure like that will bring me back to where I started after I quit the first university.

Being told that “you won’t be able to do that, it is not for you” literally put me in a box. I couldn’t develop a confidence and I always needed validation from other people. I couldn’t make a decision without asking someone if it’s alright to do something or not, and because of that I became a person that created a “comfort zone” where the one and only rule is: stay here, stick to what you already know and do not let anything new interfere. Without even realizing I turned into a control freak. I need to have everything under control and not let anything new and unknown pass the lines I drew. And that’s because I am afraid. I was always in the same spot and I never tried to see what’s behind the walls I built around myself. What is out there is horrifying and the idea of failure is the greatest nightmare possible.

Why am I writing this article? Because I want you, as a parent, to let your kid try all the things he wants: dancing, skateboarding, painting, study law or cinematography. Let them explore different areas and don’t try to overprotect them. They have to learn how to fall before they fly. This is how they will find out what is right for them and what is not; what they can or cannot do. Not letting them make mistakes, they won’t be able to learn anything. Even if you think that you know your own kid, you don’t. No one can know a person 100%. We don’t know ourselves 100%. You can’t know what they will love or what they will be good at. Just encourage them and if they fail, help them find something else.

Being overprotective or trying to make them do what you like it’s going to turn them into some stressed, frustrated and insecure adults with a bunch of fears, regrets and what if’s on their shoulders that will have to be treated with lots of theraphy hours that are not that cheap. Fear can disappear but regrets remain the same. So why not help them from a young age so they can be strong and confident as adults? Life is way too short and difficult enough to also have what if’s as companions…”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and I hope you enjoyed it. See you soon!  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

“Limelight” kindness and the crazy hunt for attention

“Welcome back, my dears! Not much time passed and I’m already back with something fresh and a bit salty. I postponed this article way too much and I’ve had enough already. I have to spill the tea and talk about this.

I’m going straight to my point and I’ll be honest: I am ashamed to live in today’s world and I’m astonsihed by the guts some people have while trying to show a pure and generous face. I’m disgusted and sick of this cheap acting.

We’ve evolved so much with all this techonology and knowledge in so many areas just to become witnesses to an incredibly fast rise of this disgusting trend of being the Good Samaritan. But in what way? There’s a reason I call it a “disgusting trend”. Kindness is now just a business, it is marketing, advertising or (tell me if I’m wrong) crying out as loud as possible for attention. We started helping others not because we feel like doing that or because we know that people need it. No. God forbid we had those reasons. Most of the times we care because it looks good on the camera. It gives us fame. We reach out to someone just to show the world what a pure and kind soul we have. Am I wrong?

Just some time ago I saw a video that was called a ” funny prank”. There were these two guys that bought a pretty expensive TV and they literally smashed it with a hammer. After that they went from store to store to “try to get their money back” because “hey, look. We dropped this on the ground by accident and we want another one”. Maybe I am taking this way too seriously but even now I don’t really get where was the funny part.

Anyway, I made the mistake of writing a comment that sounded very similar to “why the heck would you do this for views?” One thing led to another, and the idea of donating came along in the comments and also how much those guys make from each of their videos. But that’s not important to my article.

Of course, you can imagine the reaction some people had when I said that there could be less stupid ways of making views instead of wasting money. One of them jumped to explain that they’re actually donating lots of money for different causes and that TV was just an ant in comparison to how much they help others. That’s not where my problem lies in. It was another comment that left me speechless: “how many thousands have you donated these past 12 months?” I was shocked and disappointed. Not because I did or did not donate anything to anybody. That’s my own business.

Money = help (in this situation)

At least, this is how a lot of people think. Since when helping involves only money? Huge amounts if we think about it. Does that mean that those who’re broke as heck can’t contribute to make something kind? And even if money is indeed an effective way of helping those in need, why do we have to show off the numbers? Why do we need to let everyone know how much we donate or how many good deeds we do for someone?

If we ask someone about the reason for putting everything online, the answer will be “oh, I didn’t do it for fame or praise.” Then what did you do it for? If you don’t expect having a statue built in your honor why do you try to highlight these things as much as possible?

I also saw this incredible syndrome that appears especially around celebrities: people forgiving a famous person’s wrongdoings by covering them with a shiny “but look how much they did for this or that”. But this is something we’ll talk about some other day.

https://prakhar962.wordpress.com/

Another stupid trend I see in vlogs nowadays is finding a poor family, an old or homeless person and helping them. Which perfectly fine. What’s the stupid part that really gets on my nerves? Shoving a camera/smartphone into their faces while “saving” their lives. Because where’s the point in doing it if you don’t have at least ten cameras around you? Right?

When we chose this path, all our attempts to being caring, honest and generous become a very bad joke. Why? Because everything starts to revolve around us when we press that record button. We’re so concentrated on our own person that even when we think we do something good for others, we actually put ourselves on a pedestal where everybody can see us. It is just like shouting “I did this, I gave money to that person, come and praise me.”

If you think I am wrong, I’m asking you to think about what kind of comments you can find next to these videos. And if nothing comes to your mind, I’ll help you by quoting some common things I read on different pages with simmilar content:

“What a beautiful thing you did.” “You have the purest soul in this world.” “Bless your beautiful heart, you are a wonderful person”… and the list can go on.

See what I’m talking about? Helping becomes a secondary character in a story like this because the main character is the person who helped not the action itself. And if there happens to be someone that remembers that there’s also the unfortunate one in the story, the comments would sound like this “oh poor them, look how they look/live etc. They are so lucky to have met you.” Like they would have died in an instant if you didn’t appear in front of them with all your recording equipment. With each simmilar word written in an apparently innocent comment, all the limelight falls on you, the saint, again.

But my favorite comment is: “This is something you don’t see everyday”.

I wish this was true though: Charity without displaying everything online. That’s how this should work. I don’t know how much time that person spends online, but you can unfortunately find tons of videos like that.

However, has anyone put themselves in the poor’s/homeless’ shoes? Did any of you try to imagine how would you feel if some smartass came with a smartphone in his hands to record you while they “helped” you or “saved” your life?

Let me tell you something that may be new for many of you: those people you decide to make their day better, most of them hate being filmmed and posted on some kind of site. But they can’t actually say anything. Why? Because they need that little amount of money or food you want to give them, and also because if they try to fight back or refuse, they’ll suddenly become the antagonist in your shiny and pinky superhero story. And I’m not talking nonsense.

I’ve seen enough situations in which people didn’t want to show everyone the way they live. They didn’t want to be involved in a recording-type of charity. It doesn’t matter what were their reasons. It’s none of our business. But these were the reactions of the other party:

“Look at them, barely able to live from day to day but they still have the guts to act high and mighty.” “You should be happy for receiving help, this person is so good to you and you don’t even have common sense.” “Aren’t you a bit too arrogant considering they way you live?”

And this is how they become the bad guy, and you’re still the saint.

I know that there are people that want to do good things for real and be honest when helping others. I’m not attacking anyone and I’m also not saying all these people are hypocrites. I’ve seen (not so many though) videos that ahd a better concept before filmming.

I know that some of the people out there think that choosing to do charity this way will encourage more people to be selfless and generous. But no matter from what angle you look at it, this is wrong because you won’t give a positive influence. You won’t encourage helping but making yourself look good while making the other one look bad and getting fame and recognition while comparing to others… even if that was not the initial intent. That’s the impression it gives at first sight.

Even if you make some people think “oh my God, you’re an angel”, others that have their mind awake won’t see you as a Good Samaritan. In their eyes, you’ll be seen just as lowlife that creates an aura around you by “stepping” on those that can’t fight your guts.

Giving and helping shouldn’t be about yourself, it’s not only about money and you also don’t have give a statement to anybody when you’re asked “how many thousands you donated in the last 12 months?” When you support someone, only two people should know about that: you and the one receiving your generosity. Anything else that is added is just cheap acting.

There are many other ways of encouraging kindness, without throwing others in the mud or blowing your trumpet. Poverty, illness, depression and anything that makes one “miserable” doesn’t define them as a person just like wealth, glamour and beauty doesn’t define you or others as a person.

If you want to do something nice for someone in need, do it from your heart and leave the phone/camera at home. Don’t take the biggest drum possible to draw everyone’s attention to what you did.. If you don’t feel like giving a helping hand, then don’t. Because that isn’t as worse as faking generosity.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you a lot for reading this article and please take it with a pich of salt. I hope you enjoyed it!~ See you soon (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Why do we avoid therapy?

Welcome back on my little blog, my dear and lovely readers. I hope you all are good, safe and ready for a new article from me. It was difficult to keep a schedule for writing because a new wave of depressive moods hit me lately and it was a bit difficult to cope with all of that, but again, I learned something new from each frustration and mental breakdown I’ve had these days.

To be honest, what I’ve found was pretty shocking and sad. This is how I decided to tackle this topic today, because maybe it can help someone that didn’t realize this thing yet.

I am no psychologist nor a specialist in mental health so I don’t talk from a medical point of view. I also won’t generalize these words I’ll write here, because I’m aware that everybody copes and experiences depression in different ways. Everything I’ll put in words here are my own experiences and feelings.

I am one of those people that realized much later that they’ve been living with depression for much more years than I’ve thought. I still don’t know how I couldn’t recognize earlier my symptoms and behavior that were as obvious as possible. Maybe I’ll have to dig deeper into my past to find out the reasons.

Anyway, I’ve met with the idea of therapy many times in the last two years and I saw a psychologist face to face only once. The next times someone tried to pursue me to go there again had a more or less violent reply from me. You would ask: “why?”, “what was so bad?”, “The psychologist was bad?”, “You thought you don’t need to go there?” etc. Here are my answers: nothing was wrong with the psychologist (that person is so lovely I am amazed that someone like her exists in this world) and also I know already that I need help.

I know that there are people that vehemently refuse any idea of help from a psychologist or other professionals linked with mental health just because they won’t ever admit that they have a problem and need help. I’ve met and seen enough cases like that, but it isn’t the case for me. Even though at first I thought I had the same reason for not meeting a therapist, it turned out that I was wrong, terribly wrong.

You don’t need to be suicidal or an addict to know that things started to go bad and you need help. I also knew a few years ago that I need a good turn in my life, but something was always keeping me in the same spot, not being able to move an inch.

Some time passed since then and I already found two reasons that put obstacles in my healing and they still are a problem in my way. I’m pretty sure that there are many others that I still don’t know about.

The first one was this annoying impostor’s syndrome that I’ve developed a few years ago but only recently it started to show it’s roots.

When it comes to my own beliefs, thoughts and wishes, I am easily influenced by others’ opinions and usually by the destructive ones. I’ve grown with lots of adults around me and didn’t have too many friends my age before I was 10. Everything I was hearing around me were adults’ points of view and opinions and of course, as a naive kid, I stronlgy started to listen to them and all of their opinions were mine as well, even though I didn’t know much about those facts. I already had an imprinted thought in my head. This became a bad habit I still struggle to get rid of, because unfortunately adults don’t know everything and they are not right all the time. Believing other people too much can make you incredibly easy to manipulate without even you noticing that. That’s how I lived 10 years of my life: listening to the wrong adults, thinking how they wanted me to, and not noticing the fact that I was going with full speed towards destruction.

That’s what happened with my mental health. Whenever I tried to reach for someone older to hear me and understand me (‘cuz they’re adults, they know better and give better advice, that’s what I was thinking), there was always a person or more that made me question my own suffering.

Phrases like “everything is in your head, depression doesn’t exist, you don’t have any reason to suffer, there are people in this world that live worse life than yours, you’re actually way too conceited and can’t stand anyone to be better than you, that’s why you think you have depression, I went through much more difficult times than you, look at me: I had a terrible childhood and I’m not whining so much” etc. turned all my years of shame, feelings of inferiority and worthlessness into an isignificant nightmare that disappears the next day when you wake up. Because, after all, we always trust the negative words more than the encouragements.

The fact that I heard and I still hear these things from people that had a lot to do with all of my past traumas, insecurities and fears, is as disturbing as the problem itself.

This is how this impostor’s syndrome started playing with my mind: what if those people are right and everything is actually in my head? What if I go to therapy and I’ll be exposed? Am I just having hallucinations and all I thought happened to me were dreams? Am I really just looking for attention?” All these thoughts are so powerful that I actually started to believe them, even though, deep inside, I know that I have a real problem and it isn’t only in my head.

The other reason is more serious than the first one.

Do you know what Stockholm syndrome is?

Here is the definition given by Wikipedia: “Stockholm syndrome has been defined as a condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors during captivity. Emotional bonds may be formed between captor and captives, during intimate time together, but these are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims.“

In other words, you start getting attached to negative traits and behavior. I don’t really know if this is a legit medical problem, but the same thing can happen with depression too, especially if you lived with it for a long period of time.

In my case, I started developing depressive behavior in 1st grade, but at such a young age I didn’t know what those feelings were, and having the label of “problematic child” put an end to any kind of debate. I was anxious most of the times and felt unusually worthless and insignificant and all those things later made me “violent”: I would get angry easily, I would snap and the final step was crying. Look what a label and constant comparison between children can do.

Back when I was just a teenager, therapy and seeking help for mental issues was still a taboo. I never heard the word “psychologist” or “therapist” before going to high-school, so my problems were still unkown for me. I had to go through more things and get significantly worse to realize that I’m not okay. The first time I realized that I was a depressive teenager was in 12th grade, but I didn’t think of getting help, I was just waiting to go away after some time. But then university happened and I became the worst version of myself.

Fast forward to this day, I am still trying to convince myself to make the step to change for better. What keeps me away, though? I tried to imagine myself after a few sessions of therapy and I panicked. I felt threatened and vulnerable. Why?

I got used to feeling depressed…

I felt anxious, sad, wrothless, incompetent so many years that I am afraid to live without them. Sounds crazy, right? That’s not all.

For me, depression has become such a big part of my own life that going to therapy and getting rid of all the bad thoughts, habits and lifestyle feels like chopping my own body in half. And that’s terrifying. I have the constant feeling of losing my meaning as a person and my reason to live because for so many years, everything I did was also fueling this state of mind.

Depression keeps you captive and slowly you get attached to it. You think it’s going to get better but it is just like standing still in quicksand. You don’t go down fast, it’s a long and painful process. It also gives you the impression that you need it so you can make those people that contributed to your destruction feel the guilt for all the things they did to you. Unfortunately, they don’t even care. People like this do anything possible to put all the guilt on your shoulders and after that they just wash their hands and continue their lives.

Depression feels like a weapon you use for getting revenge for all the suffering you’re going through, but it actually attacks you.

If you’re going through the same situation as me… let’s try to drag ourselves out of this. Let’s stop watching this horror movie and enjoying it. Let’s stop seeking revenge and start looking for healing.

It is never too late to seek help, there isn’t any dead end. The only difference is that the process of healing is longer and much more difficult if you postopne the changing step.

Dear parents and teachers, please be considerate and pay attention to your kids’/ students’ behavior. Violent or restless behavior always has a reason behind it, and if not noticed early enough, it can led to much critical situations. Depression is not a label, is not attention seeking, depression is a mental illness that kills thousands of teeangers every year.

To you, who feels troubled and not loved. You are never alone, you matter, you are loved! Don’t give up because in the end the fight will be worth it! Seek for help and start to look up for a brighter and happier tomorrow!~”

That was all she wrote!~Thank you o much for reading this long-as-the-Great-Chinese-Wall-article, it means a lot to me. If you know someone that struggles with depression, reach for them and try to help. Let’s spread the love!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

“Is my life what I really imagined to be?”

“Hello, my lovely readers and welcome back. I know I haven’t been active on my blog, I’m ashamed. I wasn’t really active on social media lately and I also felt quite overwhelmed by the current situation with this pandemic, but I charged my writing batteries and I’m back!

Lately I’ve been struck by many deep feelings regarding life in general and I also thought about lots of things I’d probably not give attention to if not for this long period of self-isolation. I also arrived to some conclusions that scared a bit the little adult inside me.

Today, I will “draw” the portrait of the adult I’m starting to become and what I imagined my future self when I was 11 or 12 years-old. First of all, I didn’t even know what life, in its deep meaning, was. I still don’t know. I think nobody really knows 100% what it is. It has lots of meanings and symbols but we learn a new face of it everyday… especially in times of crisis. I’ve never seen so many dark faces of life till now.

Anyway, back to my main topic. As a child, my mind was very simple and guided by some ideas that were not as healthy as I considered them to be and those ideas came from the thousands of TV shows that were portraying teenagers’ life in a very unreal and distorted way.

http://sarahbreen.thinkingintoresults.com/

One of the things that is still vivid in my mind, like I’m suddenly 12 years-old again, is that I always wished to have a very stylish wardrobe with lots of clothes famous people wear and it was my dream to be tall and pretty so those clothes would look even better on me. I’m smiling when I remember how I was admiring all the girls that were older than me and were dressed prettily. But now… I don’t think the same.

I have to be honest, this is one of the few childhood dreams I fulfilled, but in a different way. Now, looking back at my prefferences in fashion, I can say that I didn’t have any fashion sense. I was a mess. I would mix colors that don’t go well together, different styles, but yet in my mind I was so amazing. That’s what I thought until I started to feel self-conscious.

I was never one of those kids everyone wanted to play or talk with. Even though I was a girl, I was never seen as girly or pretty. Others laughed at me because I was different than any other girl my age. Let’s be honest. We all look stupid when puberty starts to knock at the door. Not all of us look perfect from the moment we get born. I have to say that I wasn’t a pretty face when I was younger. I was a cute and bright kid, but not a pretty face.

Anyway, I was different and, for kids, different means either stupid, odd or unimportant. My clothes weren’t always as fancy and expensive as some other kids’ in my classroom and I also looked horrible in a skirt or dress. This was maybe one of the reasons most kids around me saw me as a dumb girl that’s a bit too boyish and that just happened to be good at studying and art stuff. That was my label in high-school too. I still can’t forget one thing I heard from a boy: “you can’t expect to be liked by a guy if you look like this. You don’t even look like a girl.” I wish I could go back in time and tell him “I don’t care, I am good enough as I am” instead of feeling insecure and go and hide in a corner.

I stopped being seen as the “dumb, way too childish girl” only when I turned 19 and my looks changed a lot, but people still wouldn’t take me seriously if I wanted to get involved in more serious conversations. To be honest, even nowadays, at 21 years-old, I still hear this line: “You know nothing. You’re only a kid”… One of the few reasons looking younger sucks.

Thankfully, I grew up and I found my personality in my clothes as well. I still like being dressed in a boyish style (I also buy lots of men clothes and wear them) but I can also be elegant and feminine in my own way. For a long time the idea of feminity in my head looked like this: flawless and shiny hair, perfectly-done make-up, high-heels, perfect skin, elegant walking, cute dresses, skirts, bags and the list can go on. TV shows created that idea and I’m sure that I was not the only one influenced by these stupid standards. It took me a long time to realize that feminity isn’t represented by the clothes you wear but for the way you think and act. I can be feminine even though I’m wearing a large hoodie, a ball cap and large pants.

The best thing I achieved after so many years is that I can finally say that I’m content with the way I look and that’s because I stopped being a copycat and started to look for “me”. If in the past I was always embarassed by my looks, my clothes, my style and my whole person just because I was different and some people just enjoyed seeing me suffer, now I can look in my mirror with more confidence than before. I still have a long way to go, but I’m making visible improvements.

Being pretty and stylish wasn’t my only dream when I was a naive kid. I was also expecting to have a house, a car, a good job and lots of friends by 20. Being 20 seemed so old for me back then. I was imagining myself as an experienced adult that’s just like Superman. I knew that I was going to be, if not a millionare, rich enough to buy all the things I want and travel all around the world. The bad part: life is not that easy. The good part: I still have similar dreams, but revolving around different reasons and goals.

Even if I was expecting to have everything under control and be ready for anything that comes in my way, I’m not any of that. Many of us think that being 20 will suddenly make us prepared for everything, but in reality we are still kids, just with more knowledge, less day-dreaming and more insecurities and fears. In my case, I start to notice more things around me and I learn a new lesson everyday, ready or not. And all these lessons hit you in so many ways that you suddenly realize that those adults that are in their 30s, 40s and 50s are not too different from us. The differences are: experience and the amazing talent of hiding the pressure and stress. In the end, we all face the unknown and we all can’t know what is going to happen in the future.

I never imagined I would grow up to become a stressed, anxious and depressed teenager that will make bad decisions. I couldn’t see myself abandoned and hurt by people I was so close with. I also never imagined that finding a job would be that difficult. Bad people existed only in fairy tales and life was actually pink and lovely in my eyes. Money seemed so easy to earn and I also didn’t know that not everything in this world is worth spending money.

The biggest shock my 12 year-old self would have nowadays is seeing how everything is governed by money, even education. My 12 year-old self could never imagine that money will be a huge obstacle for her education. Even though I didn’t know anything about life, I am sure that things were much better back then.

I wanted my life to be extravagant and wouldn’t even want to think about anything different than my dreams. Thank God I didn’t achieve any of that. We want many things, but most of the time we don’t really need them. I am grateful that I didn’t become the person I wanted to, and writing this is strange because I’m saying that I’m grateful that I’m walking a path with pain and difficulties at each step. It’s not easy to stop going in the same direction like most of the people around you and then choose to walk the tanlged way. It’s not easy being different and nowadays is even more difficult with all the moral high grounds that just don’t have anything better to do with their lives.

Yes, I’m having a rough time and nothing seemes to go as I wish it would, I’m suffering, I cry and I have lots of issues that have been hidden inside my mind for a long time and only now I notice them. I’m learning life the hard way, like many other people. But if I think about a different present in wich I’m a rich, famous woman that has everything she wishes at her little finger, that travels all around the world living a care-free life, I would probably not be here, writing articles and reaching to people that go through similar situations like mine. I wouldn’t try to create a community and fight for mental health and freedom of expressing our feelings. I wouldn’t do lots of things that define me.

I’m sure I wouldn’t be happy and at peace with myself even with all that sparkle around me, but I would try to conceal everything and hide the pain under expensive clothing, heavy-make-up and exclusive entourages.

I don’t have as many friends as I wanted back then, but I have those friends that are more precious than gold. God blessed me with people that I can share almost everything with, that understand me and encourage me even if I have flaws. No matter how rich and famous I could be, I wouldn’t give up any of these.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you for reading my article! I really hope you enjoyed it. Stay safe, stay healthy and see you soon! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳ Bubbles

“Hello, hello and welcome back here!~ Today’s article is going to be short because that’s the rule for today.

I’m going to tell you a story about something random in my room. I have lots of things in my room but my eyes fixed this little bottle with magic. It’s one of my four bubbles solutions I have. I received one of them when I was a kid, and the other three were a birthday present from a friend.

Making bubbles is my favorite childhool hobby. Childhood is bubbles. It is cute but it doesn’t last too long.

Now, since we can’t go out, I just open the window everyday and for two minutes or more I create magic bubbles. They’re just too cute and it is a good way of relaxing, especially when I have stressful days.

Doing this, at my 21 years of life, brings lots of reactions from my neighbours. Some laugh at me, some stare at me, or some of them start to call me to ask me if I’m sane or not. I don’t know. This is the only activity I do without caring how others see me. You can laugh how much you want. I’ll enjoy my bubbles even more.

sciencefocus.com

I remember that in the block of flats opposite to mine, at the 4th floor, there used to live a woman that loved bubbles too, even if she was in her late 50s or something like that. Whenever I was looking on my window and she saw me, she would start blowing bubbles in the air and I would, of course, follow her. I don’t know what kind of solution she used, but she could make soo many bubbles and I was amazed by the multitude of colorful bubbles.

She is not around us anymore, but she showed me that we all can afford being childish once a day.

So, if you have a bubbles solution in your house, grab it, open the window and create magic!”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you for your visit here and see you tomorrow!~

XOXO (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳ My recent biggest failure

“Hi, my dears!~ I’m glad you came back on my blog for a new article. I know that I’m posting really late these days, but I have more inspiration at night. I will try, though, to change my schedule and post in the morning.

Today I’m going to tell you about one of my recent failure and what I learnt from it.

As you may already know, since I mentioned it so much in my previous articles, I quit university… Yep, you read correctly. I quit and I am pretty proud of me for this, because I got out of a toxic environment. But even if this is something I’m proud of, I can’t deny that it is my biggest failure in life so far, especially because I chose the major I was dreaming of ever since middle school.

It was my dream to learn Asian languages the moment I found K-pop on youtube and I was preparing mentally for everything. At just 12 years-old I knew what university I was going to after graduating high school. I thought that it was the best decision I could make. Do you want me to tell you something funny? It was a disaster! The worst choice in my life. I was dumb enough not to find other options in case something didn’t go as planned.

Weeeeell… I couldn’t study the language I wanted (Korean) and I could choose my second option which was Chinese. To be honest, I didn’t like the idea of studying that language since it didn’t even attracted me in any way, but because I listened too much to what others had to say about my future (in other words I was pressed to go there) I just forgot about what I really wanted to do. I was quite okay the first two or three weeks there and I started to be thankful that I couldn’t study Korean… It would have been too cringe for me. I’m admiring my best-friend for still being there.

I hated my life there, the environment, I couldn’t stand those teachers and students that would do anything to make you feel like an idiot that just fell on Earth from Mars. That just wasn’t my place, but I was too afraid to quit or make a change because I would have received a lot of criticize from lots of people and I would have become the shame of the family.

So here I am. What a time not to be at university. He he.

Letting the jokes aside, I am grateful and extremely proud of me for finally gathering the courage to put an end to my agony. I was fed up with everything, especially some of my teachers that were just insupportable.

It is true that after I quit I was anxious and a bit sad since I wasn’t around my best-friend and class-mates anymore, but more than anything I was afraid of people’s reaction and possible disappointment. God bless my high school teachers that supported my choice and were even happy with the choice I made. That gave me a lot of encouragement for going further and not letting myself go just because of one failure. Hands down for teachers like this! They’re a blessing.

After some time passed, everything started to become gloomy and my optimism was just vanishing like the dust in the wind. I was feeling left out, like everyone was moving on with their lives and I just stopped and didn’t know how to continue. It’s been a difficult time but I can finally watch the sky with a smile on my face and look forward to what this life has prepared for me.

Even if I was feeling sad, I learned some pretty important lessons from this failure:

– You should always choose what you love, not what others think is good for you.

– Always consider other options, don’t get stuck on a single idea or choice, it isn’t always what is good for you.

– You won’t keep in touch with most of your mates in university. Don’t be sad if they ignore you after you choose another path. Some friendships aren’t meant to last after graduating.

– If you want to learn a language you really love, don’t study it in university. You’ll hate it. And also, there are high chances that you won’t have a good teacher to make learning likable. (I had four Chinese teachers and three of them were making the language lovely and they made me want to learn more, but the native teacher just destroyed everything. Thank you, Mr. Chen. I hate you.)

– You don’t like it? Change it. You shouldn’t be afraid of starting from scratch. Everyone has its own pace of moving in life and you shouldn’t be stressed because some people your age have already results. Your time to shine will come sooner or later.

– If you studied something for a long time, that doesn’t have to be your major in university. Try something new and challenging.

Don’t ever be afraid to make a mistake. We can’t know how life works if we don’t make mistakes. The best lessons in life come only from mistakes. Take everything as a blessing and use that lesson for the future.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and I really hope you enjoyed it!~ Don’t forget to come tomorrow for a new article. See you!~  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳ Bad thoughts and the truth behind them

“Hello and welcome back on my blog!~ I’m writing one of the last articles for this challenge and I’ll tackle a pretty sensitive topic today. (Oops I skipped a day, yikes…)

The question I have to ask myself for this article is “what is a thing you often tell yourself? Is it real?” and the funny thing is that while I was scrolling down on Pinterest, as I always do, I found lots of things regarding this subject.

There are lots of things that I tell myself, but I’m going to write about that one that triggers the others.

“I’m the one guilty for everything” is the thought that always stays hidden in a corner of my mind and has such a good clock that it always knows when to appear. What really is annoying is that I can’t say if this thing is true or not since I’ve got used to feeling like this.

I do know that everything that happens in this world and doesn’t involve me in any way is not my fault. When it comes to my life, well… I’m confused and don’t really know what to reply if someone asks me if I think that I should feel like that or not.

I’ve been living with guilt, like we were roommates, ever since I was a kid, and other people’s behavior towards that weren’t helping me at all. I am a person that prefers receiving a cold truth. I don’t like being lied to with the excuse of “protecting me from embarrassment”, or even worse, being treated with the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is my worst nightmare and that one thing that created all my fears I had as a children and later as a teenager and some people loved to take advantage of that. Some people that were and are still important in my life…

The results? I started to fear of doing anything that could make anyone angry, I couldn’t take decisions for myself, I couldn’t say no, I was following those that knew how to “rule” me and God forbid I don’t listen to them. I was constantly living with anxiety and stress. Whenever I would do something that some people didn’t agree with, I would be treated with the silent treatment so that I will start to feel guilty for something I didn’t even do wrong. To be honest, I was always starting to question my own innocence without even knowing the reason why the other person was upset or angry with me.

Thinking about this, it really sucks to have friends or even family members that do this. That’s controlling behavior and it shouldn’t exist in any kind of relationship.

When I finally got the courage to get out of some of those situations I could feel free. I could go wherever I wanted without fearing that I might lose my friends. It is true that I developed a strange fear of communicating and attaching to new people, but I overcame it somehow. I still learn.

I can’t tell myself that something isn’t real as long as other people make me feel like the exact opposite. All the things that happened to me till now (being single, losing friends, not keeping in touch with some old friends, and quitting university) make me feel guilty for not going well. Even if I try to convince myself that these things are not happening only because of me, I know that deep inside I still put myself in a corner, scolding myself for who knows what reasons.

I’ve met people that couldn’t stand me always apologizing for things maybe I didn’t know how to do properly or I was just too stressed to focus on that task. In the past I was always the one apologizing first because I was just too stressed and afraid of not losing those people. I didn’t even think about the reasons of those situations, I would just instantly apologize.

I can’t do something different since I’ve always been compared to others and criticized for all I did in the past, be it true or not. I grew up as a “problematic child” that was always the one who did wrong, the worst kid in the school and people took advantage of that whenever they had to conceal other’s wrongdoings. That’s how I lived in middle school: like a tennis ball, hit and going back an forth, and having a new label stuck with each strike. I can say I have a collection.

Now, as a newbie adult, how can I not feel like everything is my fault when all my life I was told that or it was suggested it in so many ways? I can’t help it. It is already a mechanism for me. I don’t know what to do so I can breathe without having that burden called “guilt” that already has skin on it.

How can I believe you when you’re telling me that I shouldn’t be like this, that I’m a good and talented person that can achieve great things in life and should stop compare myself? You, a person that used to throw rocks at me, showing me that I’m not good enough, that I have to be better than someone else, then accuse me of being too cocky in my race for the first place. How? Teach me. I have no resources left and no energy either.

Teach me how to fly after you broke my wings. I’ll wait for that.”

That was all she wrote!~

I only realized one thing after finishing this article. The biggest guilt I should ever feel is that I let people make me feel like that. That’s it. About the other things? I don’t know… Maybe I had a bit of fault in those, maybe not.

I only want to ask you one thing before I put an end to this thing: communicate with everyone around you. If they did something wrong, tell them. Stop using psychological punishments. It won’t make the other person realize what they did wrong. You’re just torturing them.

Spread the love and stay safe! See you later!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳A goal for April

“Hi there, my dears!~ What a wonderful evening to forget that I have to post on my blog. Ha ha… Sorry. I’ve been so stressed lately with my moody laptop that I tend to forget important things. I’m pretty sure that after I buy a new laptop, I’ll be more focused on this blog.

Anyway, I will start writing today’s topic. I know that the title is as stupid as possible because April is almost over. I don’t even know what was in my head when I put this article at the end of the challenge. It will remain a mystery I suppose.

Even though that there’s less than one week left of this month, I can still have wishes for these few days. It’s been already more than a month since this crisis exploded all around the world and we can already see that many countries slowly go back to their ordinary lives, but my country’s situation doesn’t seem to advance in a positive way. On the contrary, the level of stupidity and ignorance present all around Romania is growing each day with an astonishing speed.

At first, I wanted to write this article in Romanian, but when I thought about it, I realized that it was in vain and those people that really need to understand that this situation is not a joke will not even read all this “nonsense” I waste my time with. So since I know that those Romanians who are really interested in my posts also know English, I will write it like this.

I am skeptical when it comes to believing in miracles, but I really wish a miracle will happen in the next week and people will finally understand what responsibility they have towards doctors, people working in markets and also their family. I wish that they will stop believing all those stupid conspiracy theories, stop going out and start behaving like human beings…

I’m sick of seeing dumb creatures that are hospitalized because of this virus and they start spitting on the medical staff or if there are people that don’t have anything, they just go out and not listen to the authorities… Stay indoors, please.

I also wish that the government stopped being so close-minded. In these times we have to fight for making a good change, not taking advantage of the people, creating panic and useless things.

And if all these happen, I really wish that next month, in May, everything will start going back to normal. I want to see the kids go to school and be able to get out and play. It’s sad to see young people being stuck in their home for months on end, being depressed just because some people can’t understand that staying in house and behaving properly will put an end to this situation faster than doing the exact opposite.

I can’t wait for the days when the streets are full of people that are grateful for being out, caressed by the sunlight.

But more than anything, I wish that everyone will learn a lesson after this crisis ends: Nature can live much better without us, we are the real virus for this planet; Money, fame and material things can turn from something precious in something useless just in a blink of an eye; We can’t live without people, so we should learn to forgive everyone and leave aside the racist mindset, and last but not least: Our lives can vanish in a second… Be grateful for every minute you have, be it bad or good. You are alive, that’s a daily miracle we tend to forget about.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading my article!~ Stay safe, stay strong and see you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Men are annoying!

“Hi, my dears!~ I’m back with a new article that I didn’t actually planned to write today, but I can’t take it anymore so I decided to write about something more interesting than “how I feel today”. I can answer to that question too though: I feel irritated to the point of breaking something into pieces. Or someone…

Got your attention already? I hope so. I’m really sorry if this article seems aggressive, but I can’t help it… I just hope you will understand the way I feel.

As I said in the title, men are annoying…ly stupid. But before you start throwing rocks at me, let me tell you that I am not generalizing though. I know that there are good boys, guys, men, whatever in this world. I just think they are going extinct.

I don’t know if some of you remember, but a few articles ago I said that I recently started to receive a marriage proposal everyday. Did they stop? Unfortunately, nope. At first I was amused when I saw how desperate some of them are (one of them was even willing to send me all his documents, like ID etc., to show me that he’s a good match), but now I’m just fed up.

What makes you think that a girl will fall for someone that she doesn’t even know personally and just, out of the blue, proposes to her?

Really now, what are you thinking when you do this? No, let me rephrase it. DO YOU EVEN THINK?

I wish I could say that this happened only with international individuals, but unfortunately I started meeting more and more similar odd behaviors in my country as well. And that’s concerning on so many levels.

Saying “come on, I’m a good guy, I’m not creepy, I love you, let’s get married” will only prove the opposite of what you’re trying to say. This is not how you start a conversation. You don’t even say “hi”, you just start with” I saw your picture, you’re hot, I love you.” Okay…? What?

I can’t really say that creating tons of accounts for every block you receive from a woman is a normal way of thinking and acting either. Nor texting her from each of those accounts. Stalker much? Also, calling us “princess, baby girl” or other cliché adjectives won’t make any girl fall in your arms. I don’t know where you took your lessons for “giving compliments to girls”, but you missed some very important points, like having common sense.

I already have more than thirty guys blocked on facebook and if I have to add those from Instagram, I’m pretty sure they’re more than fifty creeps from different countries that share the same mindset.

Why is it so difficult to understand that “no” means “NO”?

source: huffpost.com

I have to admit that I was dumb enough to sometimes forget that there’s a block button on each social media site, and then, after just a few seconds, I just couldn’t get rid of endless “please, give me a chance” or “I love you so much”. You can’t even say that you’re not interested, you have a boyfriend or that you’re married because it seems like those words became miraculously invisible. Oh wait; Most of the times you just get those “smart” replies that sound like “oh, look at you, you’re hard to get”, “you’re playing cool but I know you love me.” Boy, what the actual heck? You just wrote to me two minutes ago…

If I said no, that means I’m not interested. Sending other “landscape” pictures won’t convince me.

That’s just… ew. Ew. Big ew. Keep those landscapes for yourself.

And last, but not least, those amazing lines all ladies receive if they still decline this amazing proposal or compliment or whatever these people call it: “You’re full of yourself, aren’t you?”, “Gosh, you’re impossible. Is there anyone that can stand you?”, “You have problems and you’ll die alone…”, and other “elegant” attributes you can give to a woman. And then you ask yourself why all women avoid you.

“You’ll die alone”. I’d better die alone than having to stand people who think like this… Only “meeting” men like this really makes me get sick already of relationships even if I never had one. I feel grateful for being single nowadays…

I don’t really know who has more problems in this situation and who needs more help. Get your act together and seek help if you need it…

And just think about this: whenever a woman starts getting angry or aggressive in any way, start to think what you’re doing wrong, don’t call her names, especially if you were the first texting to her and were using some of the lines I wrote here…”

That was all she wrote!~

Even though I know that I wrote these in vain and all those involved in this type of activities won’t see it or even worse, they will still think they’re right…

I am sorry again if I seemed aggressive with this post, I was really angry and fed up with all these people I can’t get rid of.

Thank you for reading, stay safe, stay healthy and see you all tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳We all have bad days…

“Hello, my dears!~ I’m glad to see that you came back on my blog to read a new article. To be honest, I wanted to skip today’s topic because lately feel strangely overwhelmed and I started to get bored with everything, and when I saw what I have to write today about I became even less motivated to write.

source: Wikipedia

However, I decided to write because I felt like this topic is very important for me and it may also come in handy for some of you. So, thanks to this movie called “My annoying brother”, I found my inspiration to write about how I cope with stressful and depressing days.

The movie’s topic isn’t really what I want to link to my article today, even if it has some similarities and things I could use to give some arguments to my words here. What is more important is how it affected me and why is it present on this page today.

Life is not pink at all. It is not black and white either. It is always a different shade of grey oscillating between dark and light from day to day. This is how this Marry go round called “life” works. The question is: how we manage to keep our mind as healthy as possible even when the clouds don’t seem to disappear anymore?

I am no psychologist and I don’t know how to talk about these things in a professional and complicated way. I just have experience that I want to share with you.

I’ll give you the one and most important rule that will help you a bit to have a less agitated life:

Whenever I have a stressful day, I DO NOT go to bed in that state, even if I have to stay awake till 3 A.M to get rid of those emotions.

While I was in university I was stressed and depressed 24/7 and that was because I always fell asleep feeling like that. Even if you may think that everything will go away when you wake up, there’s a huge possibility that you will develop bad habits that won’t be obvious in the beginning. In my case, my sleeping worsened each night or I couldn’t sleep at all and I couldn’t eat properly.

source: Todaysparent.com

My way of getting rid of stress is crying. That drains even the last drop of overthinking and panic in me. And because while I was living at the dorms I couldn’t be alone to let the rivers flow in peace, I was constantly angry and that anger lately turned into other things that really suck.

My advice for you is this one: find something that can somehow make you tired. Those things can be: going for a walk, going for a jog, exercising, yelling, crying, singing or even writing. Do anything that can help you get rid of all the toxic thoughts, not just hide them in a corner of your mind.

I know that it may sound odd, but I do recommend crying over any of those things I listed above. It is the most effective of them all. And when you feel like crying, but you can’t, movies come to help. If you need recommendations, just write me. I have a huge list of movies that can make you cry. * wink *

If in any kind of relationship with other people you shouldn’t go to sleep angry, this is what you have to do with your own person as well.

I know that is hard not to overthink and to analyze over and over everything that doesn’t go as planned in our life. It becomes a habit that it’s difficult to get rid of just like smoking or drinking. But your really should find and do anything possible to go to sleep feeling relieved and at peace.

If your way of relieving from stress is talking with someone you trust, do that too. We forget much easier about what troubles us when we share those things with someone. It makes the burden half as big.

And, last but not least, don’t forget this: You are never alone and you won’t ever be alone. And if it seems like everybody turned their back on you, look at the sky and then you’ll finally realize that you are not alone in this world.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article!~ I really hope you enjoyed it and it helped you somehow. Stay safe, stay healthy and see you tomorrow!~

➳Home is where…

“Hello to you all and welcome back! How are you, my dears? I hope you are all safe and staying at home isn’t difficult.

Even though I love to stay in my room months in a row, my inner photographer started to get frustrated lately with the beautiful weather outside… But since I can’t afford paying fines for going out, I have to find other ways to get rid of this boredom and frustration…

Home. This is a word full of comfort and peace, and this is the topic I’m going to talk about today.

To be honest… most of the times my own house doesn’t give me a feeling of “home”. There were also rare times, while I was in university, when I would come home and have that urge to say “I’m home finally” or “home sweet home”, maybe because I was coming home quite often so I didn’t have that much time to start missing it.

For me, home was always so many places and ideas. It doesn’t stick with just one building or person or something like that. You can say that I’m trying to say something similar to “home is where your heart is”. Well mine is in thousands of places.

Home to me is when…

… I’m watching my favorite movie of TV series. There are lots of times when I feel overwhelmed by my feelings, my room and the boredom and that’s the moment I start watching Pride and Prejudice or Hotel King, even if I watched them lots of times already. They give me a strong sense of comfort and familiarity so I can call those fictional universes and people “home”.

… I’m with my best friends. They’re just my favorite people on this planet and I feel so good when I’m around them even if we talk or stay silent. It’s just lovely to see how easily we can talk and laugh even if we don’t talk everyday to each other. Best-friends are a blessing in this world.

kobo.com

… I read my favorite novels or write my own stories. I am that kind of person that listens, reads or watches something hundreds times in a row if I like that thing very much and I can’t get tired of them. Especially with books (mine or others’), I get to know the characters so much that they somehow become like some old friends from a far place.

… I visit my high school and my teachers or thinking about the good old days in that building. “Those were the best days of my life” just like Bryan Adams said. I felt at ease and I felt like I was my best version back then. Thinking about my classmates and teachers makes me miss those days even more. I miss my mates so much…

huffpost.com

… I think about Cluj-Napoca. Even though I hated my days there because university turned everything into poison, I can’t help but feel excited and literally in love when I remember walking down the streets of this city. Walking back to the dorms in the evening after finishing my classes are some the best memories I have there and I can’t wait to go back to that place.

Home can be anything and we can find so many things that help us to escape the daily boredom and anger, especially these days when we can’t do too many things. Those four walls of our room can also start to overwhelm us and make us feel like we can’t breath anymore. I know that feeling.

Just think about what gives you a sense of relaxation and comfort. That’s another home to you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your pet, a movie or a building. Those things are the best escape from reality and a good medication for the soul. When your house doesn’t seem like a “home” anymore, start building one in your soul.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and I really hope you enjoyed it. Stay healthy, stay safe and don’t forget to come back again tomorrow for a new post!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳15 favorite songs

“Hello, my dears!~ A new week started and I’m back with a new article, but this one today won’t have so many words as my usual articles.

I’ll leave the words to get some rest today and I’m going to post 10 of my favorite songs from my playlist. Since I have more than 15 favorite songs, I will let K-pop music outside of this list and maybe I’ll make a list for those too.

1. Bed of roses- Bon Jovi

This is the song that deserves the no.1 spot in my heart. I can listen to it hundreds of times and I won’t get bored of it. An amazing love song sang by an amazing singer. That’s the perfect combo for me.

2. Fall into me- Brantley Gilbert

You won’t be shocked to see that most of my favorite songs are mostly rock or country, and I couldn’t just leave this song out from this list since it is one of my favorite love songs in this world. I would even play it at my wedding if I wanted to get married.

3. Simple – Florida Georgia Line

These two guys never disappoint me with their songs and it is extremely difficult for me to choose only one of them to put here. I chose this song because a day can’t pass without listening to this song at least three times. It is just lovely and the lyrics are so cute.

I have to make some honorable mentions: This is how we roll, Colorado, Cruise, Stay, H.O.L.Y and Take it out on me.

4. This is Us – Jimmie Allen, Noah Cyrus

Even if this is not really my type of country, I couldn’t resist putting it on repeat the moment I listened it for the first time. Before listening to this song, I didn’t know that much about Noah’s music, but now I’m stuck on her playlists.

5. Always remember you young – Thomas Rhett

Ever since this singer got married, all his songs touch my heart in one way or another. I love all his songs but his recent ones are just pure medicine for the soul. Just listen to this song and you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

6. Faithfully – Journey

Journey is my go-to band if I’m singing karaoke. It is also one of my favorite rock bands in history and their songs are pure gold. We can’t deny that Steve’s Perry voice is one of a kind and it goes so well with love songs.

7. More Hearts Than Mine – Ingrid Andress

This song speaks to me in ways not many songs do. I feel those lyrics like I wrote them myself. Ingrid is an amazing singer and I’m so glad I found her songs. This one is my favorite of all her songs and I plan on recording a cover for it too.

8. Alone – Heart

Love song, difficult melody and crazy high pitch notes? I’m in. I’ve been a fan of this band for a few years already and this is the song I can never get tired of. Looking at what I posted on this list till now… yeah… I’m a hopeless romantic living on music.

9. Only Teardrops – Emmelie De Forest

Maybe the only song I love from all Eurovision’s history. The instruments make this song a diamond. I’ll put here the live version so you can feel the chills of a perfect live performance.

10. Heroes Of The Dawn- Vision of Atlantis

I am amazed with rock music that has mythical stories. It is just like a musical fairy-tale. This band is not that famous nut I really want them to reach lots of people, because they’re songs are just too good to be left unknown.

11. Elan – Nightwish

Who doesn’t love Nightwish? Really now. It is impossible not to be moved by one of their songs. Even my mom, who hates rock music, was amazed by the melody of most of this band’s songs. Just as I said before, I love songs that have a bit of medieval or mystical vibe.

12. Heaven – Kane Brown

I love love love this guy’s voice and this song is one I could fall asleep on. I don’t even have words to describe how much I adore his low voice. I’ll let you see what I’m talking about and if you like this song, search for more of his music on youtube. You won’t be disappointed.

13. Start a Band – Brad Paisley and Keith Urban

As much as I like love songs, I adore happy, goofy songs too. Seeing Keith and Brad act like 10 year-old kids I can never ask for more in this life. Just look at them.

14. Fxxkin’ Perfect – Pink

I adore Pink mostly for the fact that most of her songs have a deep meaning and this one is a more or less friendly reminder that we all matter and we’re perfect just the way we are. Love you, Pink!

15. Everybody’s Got Somebody But Me – Hunter Hayes and Jason Mraz

Last but not least on my list is, of course, a goofy country song that is my anthem. And not mine only. Long live the single people! If you haven’t listened this song yet, here you are. I’m sure you’ll love it.

This was my list. I can’t really say that the top is accurate because it is difficult for me to be objective and put things in TOPs… But it doesn’t matter the number I gave them but the fact that they make my life colorful.

I’ll make another honorable mention because I love this song too much and I fell bad for not putting it here, so here you are.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for coming back on my blog today as well and I really hope you enjoyed all my music recommendations I put here. Stay happy, stay safe and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Weird habits I have

“Well hello, hello to all of you and welcome back on my blog!~ How are you, my beloved readers? I hope you are all relaxed, safe and ready to read a new article from me. So let’s get started.

I think this post is going to be funny for you and even more for me because I have to think about weird things I do and most of the time I don’t realize I do them. With the help of my mom, here is a list of weird habits I have:

I talk to myself often and I also put myself in different possible situations

I don’t know when it started but I know for sure that I used to do this when I was younger too. I remember playing outside alone and imagining other people around me and I was talking to them. Maybe I was crazy, maybe it was my imagination that can’t stay still at all. However I saw many people on the internet sharing this strange behavior like imagining and creating lines for a fight that happened a long time ago or for a discussion that’s going to happen. So I’m not that concerned about it.

I listen to music all the time and I started to measure the time in songs

While I was still in high school and then university I used to do this all the time. I wouldn’t look at the clock to see if I’m going to be on time at my classes or not. I would think “well I listened only to one song so that means I won’t be late at school.” I know I’m not the only one doing this.

I imagine scenarios so I can fall asleep

I started writing fiction thanks to this habit that I’ve had since I was in middle school. A year ago I started to have problems falling asleep and now I’m creating stuff more than I used to so that means much more ideas for my novels. This is my best medicine for “writer’s block”.

I can’t eat if I’m not sitting with my legs crossed or in the Asian squat position on my chair

source: pinterest

This is something I started to do only one or two years ago and I still don’t know why I’m doing this. I just sit like this on my chair and put my bowl or plate on my knees and eat like that. The funny part is when I go to a restaurant and I have the urge to cross my legs and I can’t. It is difficult only when I sit down, after my attention is distracted, I forget about that urge.

I can’t work if I sit down

This is a habit I developed when I started to go to kindergarten. Whenever we had a craft day, I couldn’t sit down while working for my little piece of… something. Today is the same. I can’t cook, I can’t draw most of the times, and I even can’t talk on the phone while sitting down. Anyway, most of the kitchen chores are the ones that I can’t do while sitting down.

When I’m angry, I clean the house

My best friend knows this better than anyone. When we were living together at the dorms, she knew when I was super stressed or angry because I was always standing on my bed, reorganizing my shelves with books and notebooks and I would also make changes in my wardrobe. This or eating KFC, but knowing that friend chicken isn’t healthy, cleaning the room was the best cure for university stress.

I eat some foods in odd ways

benjerry.com

When it comes to cakes, waffles or any food that has layers I always eat it layer by layer. When I eat and ice-cream with waffle cone, I always eat it from the bottom. I also make strange combinations like soup with pickles.

Other weird habits I have are: biting my nails when stressed or anxious, smelling the books (this is a guilty pleasure), scratching my head and moving my feet and fingers on the beat of the music.

I think these are all the odd things I do and if I have more, maybe I just haven’t realized yet.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for visiting my blog today. I really hope you enjoyed this article and don’t forget to come again tomorrow for a new topic!

Happy Easter, everyone!~  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Life before internet

“Hello, my dears, and happy Easter to you all! I hope you have some amazing holidays even though we can’t enjoy them like we used to.

I’m making another trip to my childhood, but this time we won’t witness anything sad. I’m going to tell you how my life was before I had internet connection, and that wasn’t that long ago.

I remember the day I got my first computer. I think I was 9 or 10. I received it from one of my cousins (who happens to have the same name as mine. Hi there if you’re reading this) and it was similar to this guy in the picture. Internet? I didn’t even know what that word meant back then. I just had hundreds of 2000’s songs and lots of miniclip games that I played everyday for an hour, because my mom wouldn’t let me stay longer in front of the screen.

I really get nostalgic when I remember how happy I was when I first turned on the computer and the image with “Windows 98” appeared on that screen. During that time I became a professional user of Microsoft Word, Powerpoint and Publisher. I remember creating a poster or an invitation everyday with a few pictures I had in my folders, most of them being photos of Hannah Montana or other Disney stars. Looking back now, I am extremely grateful that I didn’t have internet connection back then because I developed some skills that helped me a lot when I grew older and I also grew up being free both physically and mentally.

teleraph.com

I had a childhood full of joy and energy compared to how today’s children live. We didn’t have phones, tablets or fast internet. When touch-screen phones were launched on the market, only those kids that had parents with lots of money could afford buying one. But before these phones were a hit in the technology industry, every kid wished to have a blackberry phone. Facebook? I found out what facebook was only when I was 13 years-old.

All my best memories are linked to going out, running and playing with my friends, scratching our knees and elbows or even breaking some bones. It didn’t matter if it was sunny, cloudy, freezing-cold or raining heavily outside. The moment I finished my homework, I would run outside and play with my friends or even alone sometimes. There wasn’t anything that could keep me away from the world outside. This is one of the reasons I pity so much the younger generations that get born with all this technology around them. They don’t want to experiment running through the heavy rain in the summer or playing football with a half deflated ball. They just stay indoors with their eyes stuck to their phones… just like we all do…

I really miss those days… We were a bunch of girls in our neighborhood that always met to play hopscotch or any stupid game we could think of and during the summer we would take a blanket, and go out to play with our dolls. Oh how I used to cry whenever someone stole one of my doll’s dresses. Little girls nowadays won’t ever know the struggle of sewing clothes for the dolls or making a house out of card boxes. You can now buy a huge doll house with everything you can imagine and I can’t find anything more boring. It’s much more fun to go to a store and take a few boxes then start to cut the windows, a door and make even some stairs for your beloved dolls. Then you steal some medication boxes from your mom or grandma to make furniture.

Another thing we used to do during summer was making some kind of journals with different questions on each page and a “draw a memory” category, and we used to give that notebook to all our friends to write in it. My mom never let me make one, and whenever I asked her why she would tell me: “I’ll tell you when you grow older”. Now I realized I never asked her about this. I’m going to do that after finishing this article.

One of the memories I’m very fond of is being so loud while playing outside that there was always an old woman that started to yell at us to make us shut up. We were naughty kids so we weren’t listening to a word anyone told us. We would enjoy our games to the fullest.

I remember being so excited when my cousin (that I mentioned in the beginning) would come to my place to have fun. She was my favorite person back then and I couldn’t wait to see her. We were playing family or TV broadcast since she had a phone with a camera that seemed like an alien thing for me at that time. Oh my, we were having so much fun back then and look at us now. Time flied in a blink of an eye and now I’m getting sad that I can’t live those moments again.

When I changed my computer and had an internet cable, my lively childhood started to fade away slowly, but my soul is as young as it was back then. I can’t get bored of taking some of my toys out of the dusty boxes and play with them even if I’m 21. I still have my dolls too and I play with them whenever I have the time. Last year I bought two more dolls as a reward for finishing my exams.

Playing just like I used to when I was 6 or 7 always help me relax and forget about the tiresome days of my “adult life” I can’t get used to yet. It is very true that “we stop being children the moment we stop playing”, so I think we should all go back to our younger times and feel like a kid again. We have all the time we need now.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading today’s article and I really hope you enjoyed it!~ Stay safe, stay positive and see you tomorrow!~  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Privind înăuntru – îndrumar pentru vindecare

“Bine ați revenit, dragi cititori. A trecut ceva vreme de când am mai postat ceva în limba română. În cazul în care sunt persoane care nu cunosc atât de bine limba engleză, amintesc faptul că la începutul acestei luni m-am decis să accept o provocare de 30 de zile în care trebuie să postez zilnic un articol legat de o temă anume.

Astăzi revin pe blog cu ceva ce nu credeam vreodată că voi posta: o recenzie a unei cărți. De ce spun asta? Pentru că mereu mi-a fost teamă să îmi dau cu părerea despre o carte, având impresia că voi fi iremediabil pusă la colț de mințile mai citite și mai luminate. Dar nu pot să nu scriu despre cartea asta. Nu când știu că tot ce încerc să creez pe acest blog se învârte în jurul durerii, vindecării și încercării de a privi spre lumină.

Eu, ca și cititor, țin să spun că nu am o vastă enciclopedie de literatură în cap, dar nu îmi pare rău pentru asta. Vă voi explica și de ce. Am prins drag de lectură abia când am ajuns la liceu, dar și atunci nu orice adunătură de hârtii legate și prinse între două coperte îmi ajungea la inimă, poate și din cauză că aveam influențe în jur care nu mă lăsau să văd într-o carte ce voiam, ci îmi puneau o perdea în față prin care să văd doar ce voiau alții… Și încă încerc să mă scap de perdeaua aceea.

De ce spun că nu îmi pare rău că sunt “novice” în ale lecturii? Pentru că nu mi-am pierdut timpul cu tot felul de cărți care nu au nici un fel de valoare, cel puțin pentru mine. Îmi aleg cu foarte mare atenție cărțile pe care vreau să le am în bibliotecă.

Citesc și trăiesc după acest “motto”, dacă pot să îl numesc așa: mai multă încredere am într-un scriitor mai puțin cunoscut, decât în scriitorii de cărți “best-seller” care apar ca râmele după ploaie. M-am cam săturat să văd pe piață sute de cărți în care așa-zișii scriitori își vomită frustrările mai mult sau mai puțin ortodoxe. Sunt sigură că în momentul ăsta vă trec destule nume de autori și cărți prin minte. Nu trebuie să amintesc eu dintre ele.

Sunt un cititor mofturos, care nu se lasă înduplecat nici de clasici câteodată și puțini sunt scriitorii ale căror cărți le citesc pe toate cu aceeași plăcere.

petronelarotar.ro

De doamna Petronela Rotar am aflat datorită unor circumstanțe mai mult sau mai puțin comice. Dar nu asta contează. Anumite discuții cu alți oameni care au citit cărțile dumneaei, cât și propriile cuvinte ale autoarei mi-au captat atenția și curiozitatea îmi creștea din ce în ce mai mult, până când am decis să fac rost de câteva cărți și să încep să le citesc. Și nu puteam să fac o alegere mai bună.

Dacă vă așteptați la un roman abundând de metafore duse până la extrem, la o poveste de dragoste clișeică în care protagonista e mereu femeia puternică și independentă care la sfârșit își găsește dragostea vieții, aceasta nu e cartea pentru voi.

“Privind înăuntru” nu e o carte pe care să o citești în două-trei zile. Evident, se poate citi chiar și într-o zi, însă pentru a-i înțelege esența, chiar și un capitol pe zi citit rar și apoi digerat cum trebuie este destul.

Am început de câteva zile să urmăresc niște cursuri ale unor scriitori celebri, printre care se numără și Neil Gaiman. Acest scriitor englez a spus următoarele lucruri: trebuie să fii cât se poate de sincer în ceea ce scrii pentru că oamenii răspund la asta. Poți ajunge la ei, le poți vorbi prin ceea ce scrii atunci când ești mult prea sincer. Trebuie să te deschizi atât de mult până când nu te mai simți confortabil. Și ăsta e lucrul pe care doamna Petronela Rotar îl face, cu iscusință chiar.

Trăim într-o lume în care să vorbești despre problemele ce privesc sănătatea mentală este un taboo care trebuie ținut în suburbiile societății și închis într-un cufăr cu sute de lacăte. Ne expunem totuși corpul în moduri grotești, nu mai considerăm sexualitatea drept ceva care trebuie ținut departe de mass media sau literatură, dar trântim psihologia omului și bolile mentale într-un colț care are o etichetă mare și urâtă pe care scrie “neimportant.” De ce? Pentru că ne e frică. Ne e frică să recunoaștem că suntem o planetă plină de oameni bolnavi, cu sufletele prinse în niște colivii la care, culmea, avem cheile, dar nu vrem să le folosim. Ne e frică să fim sinceri cu noi înșine și tremurăm în fața ideii de a ieși din zona de confort și să începem să schimbăm ceva.

“Privind înăuntru” este o “oglindă” care îți pune în față otrava fără a o preschimba în ceva cu un ambalaj frumos. Ți-o întinde în fața ochilor și îți spune simplu “Uite, ăsta ești, asta sunt, ăștia suntem”. Pentru că în fața durerii și fricii, suntem toți la fel. Să poți să pui pe hârtie tot ce scrie această autoare necesită extrem de mult curaj. Scriind o astfel de carte într-o țară care nu vrea să audă nimic altceva decât bârfe ieftine sau amantlâcuri care se termină toate în același fel, reacțiile pot fi bune sau mai “exotice”. Nu tuturor le plac oamenii sinceri. Adevărul doare, dar e necesar, în special în literatură.

Totuși, ca persoană care aspiră să ajungă cândva un scriitor măcar jumătate la fel de bun precum doamna Petronela, acel curaj mi-e insuflat cu fiecare rând citit și nu pot să nu admir sinceritatea cu care a fost scris acest roman.

Ce îmi place în mod special e că, în timp ce citești, ți se pune în față o băltoacă neagră și neprietenoasă de ură, întuneric, regrete, frici și nesiguranțe, dar ți se oferă și antidotul. Poți vedea mereu lumina de la capătul tunelului. Echilibrul dintre întuneric și lumină care e prezent în permanență pe fiecare pagină, transformă această carte într-un ghid perfect pentru auto-terapie, care nu ar strica să fie prezent în biblioteca fiecăruia.

Înainte de a începe să citesc acest roman, undeva adânc în mintea mea bâzâia o teamă. Îmi făceam griji că nu voi înțelege cuvintele autoarei, că poate nu am destulă experiență de viață pentru a putea să diger bine tot ce e scris, însă, din păcate aș putea spune, m-am regăsit în acele cuvinte încă din primele pagini.

De fiecare dată când deschid cartea aceasta mă simt ca și cum eu, cea din viitor, am scris toate cuvintele puse pe pagini. Copilăria asemănătoare, familia, precum și felul în care simte autoarea durerea m-a făcut să mă regăsesc în multe din situațiile descrise. Ea m-a învățat să mă accept, să mă iert, să îi iert pe cei din jur, să am curajul să spun că sunt un om care trece prin greutăți și mai ales mi-a dat un imbold spre vindecare. M-a ajutat să privesc înăuntrul meu și să văd tot ce trebuie reparat și pus la locul lui și chiar dacă voi fi mereu un bibelou spart și apoi lipit, mi-a arătat că pot înfrumuseța acele crăpături și că pot să le privesc ca pe niște lucruri care m-au creat pe mine, omul de azi.

Nu vreau să mă leg de nimic din ce ține de tehnica de scris, limbajul folosit sau alte lucruri pe care criticii îi folosesc într-o recenzie, nici nu vreau să dau mai multe detalii legate de carte. Cel mai bun mod de a afla ce se întâmplă în acest roman este să îl aveți în mâini, să îl citiți și recitiți pentru că merită.”

That was all she wrote!~

Mulțumesc mult pentru că ați citit acest articol și chiar sper că v-am trezit curiozitatea de a citi acest roman. Mi-aș dori enorm ca acest îndrumar să ajungă în casele fiecărui om și să învețe câte ceva. Haideți să învățăm să fim curajoși! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳In 5 years I’ll be…

“Hello and welcome back on my blog, my lovely readers!~ I’m writing so late today, oopsie. To be honest, I wasn’t that excited with today’s topic because I’m always confused when it comes to the future and thinking about it I always get sad and anxious. I tried, however, to gather my thoughts and try to put some words here.

I used to be a person that loved to make plans and imagine what will happen in a far away future, but most of the times, I couldn’t do what I planned because either something else intervened or I would just quit on my own.

This is why I quit saying “I will do that next week, month or year” and replaced it with “How nice would it be if…” because if it’s meant to be, it will be.

It’s a long way till tomorrow, let alone next week or next year. I can only decide what I want to do the next day if I will have the blessing of getting out of bed again.

When thinking about five years from now on it is a long time and I have no idea what will happen till then, but I know one thing for sure: I want to be happy. I want to be able to take a breath easily without feeling my chest full of fears, pain and regrets. There’s nothing I wish more for myself than just being able to look back and not feel bad about all the things I’ve done or the decisions I made.

I wish I will have a job that can take me to all the places I want to go on my own or with my friends and I also want to feel that I finally am a responsible person. I want to be brave and optimistic more than I am now.

I also dream of being someone that can reach to lots of people, talk to them and help anyone that goes through difficult moments. That will make me feel like I didn’t just passed through this life without doing anything significant for this world.

I also wish that I will have my friends and family, if not beside me, at least close to me. I can’t imagine my life without them.

I think that these things I wrote are just enough for me. It’s difficult to think about what I want to be or what I want to have in the future because most of my thoughts are related to this planet, and other people more than myself.

It’s true that have lots of dreams I want to fulfill like: being a UNICEF volunteer, being someone that can help lots of organisations that deal with environment or animals problems, being a mayor in my hometown, just rebuild its medieval beauty.

If these are going to happen or not, it is not something I can decide because there’s Someone that has more power than me and know better what is good for me. I can just hope for the best and if things don’t go as I want, I’ll just look for another opportunity.

I do think that making plans is important because it shows that someone knows what they want, but it also not focusing only on fulfill all those plans is of great significance. Living in the past is pain, living in the future is anxiety, but living the moment is a joy we should learn how to cherish.

I think that this moments we’re going through showed us how a plan can disappear in a blink of an eye, and how little we are in this Universe. We can learn a huge life-lesson right now: we can spend our time with our family, with ourselves and with all the people we lost touch with because we were way too focused on things that weren’t that important.

Be grateful for each sunny day that greets you and let’s be happy and content with what we already have. We can never know how much we’re going to have these moments. Let’s not take the present for granted.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading my article and I hope you really enjoyed it!~ Stay safe, stay positive and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳You’re single. So what?

“Hello, amazing people and welcome back!~ I hope you’re feeling good today, and if you feel a bit down, don’t worry. There are better days coming! Today I’m going to write a guide and I’m pretty sure you already guessed what it’s going to be about after you read the title.

independent.co.uk

I’ve been single my whole life and I can say that this is the thing I’m best at, but even though I’m proud of this today I have to say that I had lots of moments when I felt sad, worthless and almost desperate because I was single. High school is usually the moment most teenagers start to feel sad because they don’t have a relationship… I don’t know why, but it gives them a sense of content just because they want to be like other kids. Tell me if I’m wrong, but that was what I was feeling back then.

Let me tell you a precious secret: those that didn’t/don’t have a relationship in high school are so lucky. Think what you want but I know pretty well how teenager’s feelings are and how unstable a relationship can be at that age with all those changes and puberty being at its peak. I don’t even know many relationships that started in high school and still go on today. They’re rare. Lovely, but rare.

When I was a teenager, whenever I tried to look for advice regarding this problem, I came across the same pattern from all the “relationship gurus” and sites: “Hot to get a boyfriend”, “It’s okay if you’re single now, you’ll find someone eventually”, “Get a relationship in 10 steps”, “Make someone fall in love with you using these techniques”. What I never found? A guide to tell you how to find yourself. Someone that tells you that it’s okay to be single without saying at the end “but don’t worry, you’ll find someone” or making you feel like you have some kind of incurable disease.

We should already accept the fact that a soulmate doesn’t always have to be our partner. A soulmate can be anyone: a friend, a family member, even an animal.

This is why I decided to choose this subject for my 15th article from my challenge. I will give you a guide to find yourself, to learn how to love yourself and how to live a happy life without a relationship.

Update: I just received my 10th marriage proposal today and I have to say that officially I’m sick of men, before even having a relationship. Yay single life!~

What are the perks of being single?

You save yourself from unnecessary drama

independent.co.uk

We can’t deny that most of the relationships nowadays are toxic and end dramatically. And if they don’t end, neither of the two people are happy and just torture themselves everyday. It is really difficult to find someone that’s not obnoxiously jealous, aggressive or a player in this society just because nobody is willing to change for the better and “recycle” their feelings. We just blame everyone else, then go to find a new person. And then we go round and round, changing our partners, wondering why nothing works in our love life.

Leave the drama for cinematography, you don’t need it in your life. Depending on how much silence you have both internally and externally your life is changed and you make better decisions.

You have more time to heal your wounds

I used to think that the saying “you can never love someone if you don’t learn to love yourself first” was wrong on many levels, but some time of meditation proved me wrong. I’ve been living with depression for some years already and whenever I had an episode of “I am a horrible person and nobody loves me” there was always a person to tell me: “You know what? If you found someone, you’ll feel much better.” Tell you what: you won’t. And I don’t need to be in a relationship to realize that. A relationship can make everything even worse and get an ugly turn. Let’s say that you feel good and your self-confidence comes back but then your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you…

When battling with depression and anxiety, a relationship can’t create anything else but an illusion that will disappear the moment something bad happens and you’ll be in the same situation you were in before… maybe even worse.

What you have to do is get to know yourself better and improve all the things you feel insecure about. When you have confidence, love can come too if you want. But if you continue to let yourself go and continue to talk to yourself like you’re garbage, no matter how much someone loves you, eventually they will get tired of your whining and you know what’s coming next.

Spend time with yourself and if needed, seek help from a therapist. You can start building your confidence and appreciation for your own person with the pace you feel most comfortable with. Being single will give you as much time as you need for healing without feeling pressured by a partner.

You can do things you always wanted and find new hobbies

This world is full of things we didn’t yet discover, so why not take the chance to learn a new skill or go to a place you always wanted to go? You have all the time you need. Take your friends, plan a trip or a meeting and spend time doing what you like. It will make you relaxed and happier and you won’t have to wonder “is he/she going to be jealous if I do this or that or if I’m talking to this or that person?”

Make lists with things you always wanted to learn or goals you never achieved and start working on them. A new skill comes in handy at the most unexpected moments.

You can do what you want anytime you want

A crazy idea came to your mind or want to make a trip the moment you think about it? You just have to pack your things and you’re on the plane. It is much easier to make unexpected decisions when you’re single and don’t have to plan everything months before. Also, you can explore all the things you want without having to compromise. You call it selfishness, I call it freedom.

Learn how to be self-reliant in moments of emergency. Putting yourself in situations you never were before will create experiences that will help you in the future so you won’t have to panic and seek for others’ help. Sometimes we won’t get the help so easily so the best person we can rely on is ourselves.

What I advice anyone that feels miserable for being single?

Ask yourself why you feel bad. Is it the fact that everyone is in a relationship and you’re not, that you’re too bored and want to fill those dead moments, or because you really want a relationship and sacrifice time, feelings and goals for it and you know that this will truly make you happy?

If it is one of the first two, you’re better off single, trust me. Those two mindsets are wrong and they will only bring you sadness and you won’t be able to make the other person happy either. There’s nothing worse than using someone to validate our ego.

You just have to look at the bright part of being single, get rid of all the society’s standards and expectations. Start looking for what you love doing and what creates a better version of you everyday. Knowing yourself better and finding new things you probably weren’t aware of will help you see the world with different eyes and it will also help you to choose someone you know is good for you if you want to take the next step in the future. You won’t waste a lot of time thinking “is he/she good for me?”, “is it going to work?” You’ll save yourself from stress and more work.

Try to learn the difference between feeling lonely or alone. They’re very different. When you learn that, you’ll feel different too.

If you don’t want to live your life with someone, that’s perfectly fine too. I can’t really stand some people’s attitude when they meet someone that’s content and proud with being single. We’re always taken as “pathetic creatures” that don’t have a choice than accept our “sad fate” and act like we are okay with it. We’re always the weak ones in people’s eyes because society can’t understand that not everyone needs a relationship to be joyful and love life.

Being single is not a disease, it is not an unusual thing either. Being single is a choice; you choose yourself and you start a relationship with your own qualities and flaws and learn how to love them. So stop with the whining and start loving yourself!”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this long article. I hope you liked it and if you want to know more about this subject, feel free to write to me in the comments. I can’t wait to read your messages!~ Stay safe and see you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Social media is bad…

“Heya!~ How are you, my dears? I write a bit late today, I’m sorry, but I had to record a new video for my youtube channel and I forgot about the time. But I’m ready to write a new interesting article for you.

I’m going to tackle a pretty “sensitive” subject, if I can say it like that. Today I’m talking about why social media is bad. Now I know that I may look like a hypocrite writing this, but I have to say that even though I used to be extremely active on social media a few years ago, I know what bad habits I developed because of it.

Since this pandemic locked us all inside our houses I really stopped using social media as much as I used to before. Why? Because when you can’t go out and the only escape for you is the internet, things can become toxic as heck. So now I only use it for educational purposes like webinars, tutorials or just to post my articles and songs. Nothing more, nothing less.

Why is social media bad?

We waste too much time and forget how to live or “talk” with people

Let’s face it. Many of us would be dramatic if they had to live without their phone only for one day. And don’t get angry after I tell you this: our phones are our drugs. Period. The “funny” thing is that we don’t really do something useful while scrolling down on Instagram, Facebook or other sites.

And since we’ve become so used to hide behind a screen, most of us forgot how it is to literally socialize when we’re face to face with our family or friends. Just think about this: how many times you became anxious when you had to go meet someone or call them and then you thought that it is easier to send them a text? Or how many times you felt uncomfortable when you had to talk to a person you just met? Social media transforms us in some creatures that forget how to be humans and how to express their feelings.

We start to believe everything we see, be it truth or a big lie

This phenomena is more obvious these days. Apparently there are lots of reporters appearing daily out of nowhere, having a strange hobby for creating dumb stories that only create more panic than necessary. That’s a huge boredom or mental problem if you ask me. It’s not like the news aren’t telling enough lies, we really need even more fake news to make people go crazy. Truth be told, many of the things that appear online are little or big lies, not only the news articles.

Self-esteem and also relationships are affected big time

It is quite sad that we evolved so much with technology and knowledge just to end up living for the views and likes on our pics. We got so obsessed with all those pictures of perfection (that most of the times have lots of photoshop and filters by the way) that we quit loving ourselves for what we are and accept all the things that make us unique. Then we just to do anything possible to make others love us. That’s not how it works, guys.

And I’ve seen quite a lot of relationships that started online and ended in the same place. I can’t help but think how pathetic we’ve become if we start a relationship through texting, we prefer texting over going on a date and then we end a relationship through a text. Let’s not call ourselves adults anymore. This is too childish for an adult.

Also, another problem I noticed is that many relationships get ruined because of the fairy-tale-like relationships that can be seen on any site: lovers being happy and seems like nothing goes wrong and their relationship is perfect. Do you want me to tell you something? That’s huge BS.

Why we don’t work for our relationships to be better instead of wanting what others “have”? I’m sorry to inform you, but a relationship doesn’t need social media to show that it’s a happy and healthy one. The real happy relationships are being kept away from the internet.

We expose ourselves a bit too much

I never understood the craving of posting everything we do during a day: how we eat our breakfast, how we exercise, what we eat at lunch and not only. I never was a fan of those posts similar to “I got married to…”, “I have a new baby”, “I got breast implants” etc.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be proud with these things. It’s just that posting them on social media makes them lose that level of intimacy and sentimental authenticity. Why do you think an old album full of pictures gives you shivers down your spine when you search through it? Because not everyone can see it and you can actually feel something when you look at them.

And another thing I am very concerned of is how much parents nowadays expose their little children. From any point of view, this is extremely dangerous, thinking how many creeps and crazy people are in this world. Keep your kids out of your posted photos, please.

Creepy people have a huge playground

Ladies know better than anyone that social media has become a “hunting” field for some desperate single men that just don’t know how to act with women. I also arrived at a sad age in my life when I receive marriage proposals almost everyday. I could have a harem at this point… This is the light part of this problem.

iStock.com

The bad part… well… It’s not something new to see young girls harassed and blackmailed everyday by some wicked men online that can easily create a fake identity, only to give them inappropriate photos and in worst cases, those girls even get kidnapped and God knows where taken. So, parents, keep your kids away from social media at least till they’re 16.

Most of us become shockingly aggressive or feel attacked easily

As dumb as I find this, I am ashamed to say that I was in this situation too and got in stupid comment-fights regarding even dumber subjects. Thanks to internet and social media, people easily forgot about the thing called “personal preferences” and just started bashing others when they do not agree with their opinion about anything. If you want to know what I’m talking about, just take a look at the fandoms of different bands or music groups. I can’t give you a better example.

Social media and internet can be good if they’re used for educational or creative purposes but you have to keep the balance all the time. What’s taken in huge doses, kills something. It is our job to choose if social media will be our friend or our enemy.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and I really hoped you liked it. I’m very curious about your opinion since this is a subject that can be talked about at a TEDtalk. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments section. Stay safe and see you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Make that bucket list

“Hello, guys, and welcome back on my blog!~ Today I’m going to write something fun again. I’m pretty sure you already saw that I have an obsession with lists of all kinds. I just love them. So today I’m going to make one again. But this time, a bucket list!~

I love to daydream about lots of things, especially about what I want to do in the future and sometimes I have some crazy ideas… too many I can say. Of course, I’m not going to write all of them here, I’m going to make a TOP 10.

10. Go to an orchestra concert

This has been one of my dreams ever since I started to play the piano, but unfortunately I didn’t have the opportunity because I either didn’t have the time or I just couldn’t afford a ticket. Some of the concerts I would love to attend are any of Andre Rieu’s concerts or The New Year’s concert in Vienna.

9. Go to a Bon Jovi concert

source: pinterest

I am still very disappointed that my parents didn’t want to let me go to his concert last year in Bucharest but I still have the hope that someday I will be able to go and maybe even meet him in person.

8. Publish a book

I’ve told myself every year, starting from 2014, that I’m going to finish that novel I’m still writing. Oops? I have the sketches ready, the first draft is half done, I just have to finish… Let’s hope for the best, what can I say?

7. Write a script and make it a movie

I have so so many ideas for scripts and short movies, I just don’t have the proper equipment for shootings. Maybe I’ll try doing something this summer. Wish me luck!

6. Ride an air balloon

I’m pretty sure many of us want to do this. And I really want to take my best friends with me and have fun while looking from above at all the things below us. Thank God I’m not afraid of heights. Someone make this virus disappear already! I want to fly!

5. Get my driver’s license

I am pretty sure that most of my friends and family are a bit afraid of this wish, thinking what a clumsy and careless person I am sometimes… okay, most of the times. But I really want to drive my own car and go places. I am still a bit afraid of making this dream come true, but hopefully it will happen one day.

4. Decorate my room as I want

I am obsessed with minimalism these days and I want to make my room as spacious as possible and get rid of my old habit of gathering too many useless things. My go-to colors? White, light grey and baby blue or light turquoise. I already started to purchase some things so this is going as planned! Yay!

3. Visit Greece

Thanks to my favorite book, “Out of the blue” by Belinda Jones, I want to go to Greece so bad and go to all the places I’ve read about. Maybe I’ll find myself a green-eyed Greek man *wink wink*. Who knows?

2. Compose some songs and record an album

As expected, music is present everywhere in my life. However, this goal still remains only a dream. I do not have that much confidence in my composing skills and I’m not good with lyrics at all.

1. Become a person that I would admire now

I think this is a thing that many of us should have on our bucket list and work everyday to achieve it. It is a goal that always changes its form but it has the same substance. Even if it seems like it is as far as the horizon, we’ll be able to touch it, and when we’ll look back, all the improvements and sacrifices will be much more obvious and we’ll feel the satisfaction.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading my article! Have a nice day, stay safe, and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

“Dear little Bia…”

“Welcome back on my blog, my dears!~ I hope you have a wonderful Sunday and you’re all safe. I’m going on a trip today, but it is not what you expect it: it’s not a place, it is a time from the past.

I’m going to go back to my childhood and I’m taking you all with me. But before we go, I challenge you to do the same: Write a letter to your younger self and tell them everything you want to. I read lots of articles regarding this technique used in therapy and it really helps you to find new things and fix your broken pieces. It is not easy, I know. I am kind of scared too right now because I do not like to be vulnerable.

But I’ve recently learned something from a book: the more you try to hide your monsters and think that they do not exist, the more they break you. On the other hand, if you face all your flaws and past mistakes and learn to accept them, it will be easier to get over them and forgive yourself. So let’s write a letter together!

“Dear younger self,

It’s me, I mean you, but from the future. You’re confused? Yeah, I know, but don’t worry, I’m not better than you at this point. I am just as confused as you are. But not because of the same reason.

I’m writing to you because I know you don’t have someone that can give you good advice and be sincere about it. Well, not yet.

It’s hard, isn’t it? All the pressure and misunderstandings thrown and stuck on your shoulders… I wish I could tell you “you’d better learn how to do that and that”, but I can’t… Even now I have no idea how I can get rid of all the burden that’s not even been made only with my own hands.

But I don’t blame you anymore, because you’re not guilty for what other people made you think about yourself. You’re not guilty for being a human that made mistakes and most importantly, you can’t be blamed for not wanting to be a picture of perfection as all the people around you wanted you to be.

I wish that you could change your mindset and not give a sh*t about what others want you to be or what they think about your own life. Why? Because all those things will haunt you for a very long time without even you knowing. And believe me, it’s not worth it. Don’t try so much to be first at everything, because it’s impossible and you’ll be tired enough from all the pressure. Don’t put more pressure on yourself too. You’re not going to be good at math and you won’t even follow any path that works with numbers, trust me. So slow down. You’re an artist. You don’t need all those useless things. You can do so much better than just staying inside your room and study till your eyes fall.

I can’t lie, you won’t be okay. You won’t have silence and you’ll be stressed even after you graduate high school. Everyone will continue to compare you to that person. All the time. The worst part? You’ll compare yourself too. Because that’s what you were taught to do. You’ll find out all the things that were destroying you piece by piece only at 21 years-old. You’ll make lots of mistakes and people will always wait for you to look vulnerable and good for nothing. You’ll be blamed for things you didn’t do or didn’t say. You’ll lose friends, you’ll make some difficult decisions and you’ll quit some things that were making you somehow happy. You won’t have an easy life.

But don’t be sad. Have patience. Your life will be a bit better when you go to high school. You will have a new start and it will be better than before. You’ll finally feel like you are in a place you wanted to be. You won’t be happy and relaxed 24/7, but you’ll be able to get rid of all those labels that were stuck for eight years on your back. Cherish the high school years… You won’t have any moments as lovely as those, at least till you’re turning 21. I don’t know what will happen in the future. I’m confused and scared when thinking about it. But I’m a bit of what you dream of becoming. I’m making improvements day by day.

I have kinda good news though… You’ll have the courage to get out of different toxic situations, will get over some heartbreaks easily and you’ll be more mature than many others your age because you’ll have enough experience with pain.

Just wait till you meet our best friends. Not the ones you have now, those are just yours. You’ll meet “our” best-friends. Those people that will be by your side no matter what, and will support everything you start to do – and you’ll do lots of things. And you won’t have only one or two of them, you’ll have quite a lot of people around you that will appreciate you as broken as you are. They will even help you to put your pieces back together.

I wish I could tell you how to choose your friends. Because you made some bad choices. You chose some people that were too controlling and that made you scared of being alone and also made you think you are worthless if you’re not around them. This is, however, a lesson you should learn on your own. You’ll have to get used to not attaching too early and too much and not get clingy, especially not with the wrong people…

I wish you could learn to love yourself when others didn’t (or even if they loved you, they didn’t show it), but you will hate yourself so much that your depression and anxiety will overwhelm you. At least you won’t do the thing you’ll think of. You’ll stay alive and you’ll continue to fight more or less.

I know I used to hate you and tell you that you were never good enough, that you were ugly and stupid. I’m sorry. I really am. You… you are perfect just the way you are. You can’t learn to love yourself now, but I’m going to love you. I’m going to hug you and say that everything is going to be okay. I’ll start believing that for you. I forgive you for everything you did or say.

You’re just a kid. You should be happy and loved. I’m not going to throw rocks at you anymore. So please forgive me too. Let’s heal together!

Love you the most,

your 21 year-old self.”

That was all she wrote…

➳Am I a qualified Pisces?

“Hello, hello and happy Saturday to all of you! I am back with another article for you and I’m going to tackle a subject that many people like: zodiac signs, more precisely Pisces – my sign, and together we will see if the traits of this sign fit my personality or not.

I found this idea very interesting when I decided to take this challenge and I think it will be fun to write about some facts. I have to write a disclaimer though: I do not believe in the horoscope. I do not read it, I don’t believe in its premonitions and any stupid things. The only thing that I find accurate is each sign’s features.

Am I a true Pisces or not?

Let’s look at the positive traits of a Pisces and it they fit my personality:

Empathetic and friendly ✔

Both attributes describe me very well. I am a person that can easily share the same emotion as the person I’m talking with and sadness is the emotion that I feel strongly when someone suffers. I am that person that worries even for people I never met.

I can not live without people around me and it’s impossible not to make a new friend wherever I go. I love talking to people and hearing their stories and sharing mine with them as well. The funny thing is that I tend to be an introvert as much as I am an extrovert so I am a bit of everything. You can’t get bored with me around. *wink*

Strong artistic sense, lively imagination ✔

Art is not just a category in the hobbies field. Art is life for me and everything that surrounds me is pure art. And when it comes to imagination, I wrote in one of my previous articles, I can’t stop my brain from creating any kind of things. I can say that us, Pisces, are at risk with our imagination because we often crave for escaping reality and if we’re not paying attention, we’ll start living in a fantasy.

Extremely emotional ✔

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I could say ‘way too emotional’, and I don’t know why I found this on a list for positive traits. I am that type of person that cries even when watching a comedy… Let’s not even talk about tragic movies. Whenever I try to convince someone that I’m not emotional, I suddenly remember when I went to the cinema with my friends to watch Avengers: End Game and I started crying when they were showing the “In case of emergency” video. I quit the “convincing game” after that.

Selfless and generous ✔

Selflessness is a complex situation for me. When it comes to relationships I am rather selfish than selfless, but when it comes to friends and even people that did wrong to me, I can’t hold a grudge, I forgive and forget easily. Most of the time I’m the one feeling guilty for things I didn’t even do. This is why I can’t really call “selflessness” a good quality.

When it comes to generosity, I can say that I started to improve this trait only after I grew up and became more mature. I was a dumb kid, don’t judge me. The important thing is that now I’ve changed. I don’t really like to think about something or someone that needs help and just keeping my hands in my pockets and turn away.

Strong intuition ✔

This is the thing I love the most about myself and I’m really proud of it. Intuition is my best non-human friend and it never disappointed me. I tend to doubt it from time to time, especially when a person I meet changes their behavior for a period of time, but in the end it always proves me that I was wrong not trusting it. This is my 6th sense and I adore it so much.

Hopeless romantics and good advisers ✔

Hopeless… couldn’t find a more suitable word. I am a person that takes love and romantic ideas seriously and I really don’t like the way today’s relationships look like because not too many people want to “afford” being romantic and that’s sad. It’s not difficult to be romantic. I think you just have to be careful not to pass the line between romantic and cheesy.

And another thing that makes me, as a Pisces, hopeless is that I have high standards… extraordinarily high standards. Maybe I’ll die alone, who knows.

Let’s see now the negative characteristics:

Fearful and often depressed ✔

I don’t even have to elaborate these. I am afraid of many things, especially the future. I like to know everything and be prepared for everything and this is when I become depressed. There aren’t many times when I’m not depressed. He he.

Overly trusting and can be a victim ✔✘

This is a yes & no situation because lately I don’t trust people that easily so this depends on the person I meet, but when talking about being a victim or sacrificing for others, I can’t lie… I do that. And guess who suffers in the end? You guessed it.

Easy to upset and scary when angry ✔

Well, I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but I am irritable as heck and I’ve been like this ever since I was born. I don’t wish anyone to see me when I have an episode of explosive anger.

So as not to make this article too long, I also found some things Pisces like or don’t like and they fit me perfectly.

Pisces love:

• being alone
• sleeping
• swimming
• spiritual themes

Pisces hate:

• know-it-all’s
• being criticized
• the past coming back to haunt
• cruelty of any kind

I know that most of these things I written here are generalized traits that not all Pisces have because personality makes things different but it is funny to see so many facts that describe me perfectly.

My fellow Pisces, did you find yourself in these traits?”

That was all she wrote!~ Thank you for reading this article. I really hope you enjoyed it and don’t forget to visit me tomorrow as well!~ XOXO (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Marvelous places I want to visit ASAP

“Hello and welcome back on my blog! 9 days of my challenge have been completed and today I’m writing my 10th article.

Seeing how sunny the weather is outside I have the urge to go out and explore new places, but because I don’t want to put my life and others’ at risk, I’ll have to behave and stay indoors.

Today we’re going to explore together some of the places I fell in love with and want to visit in the near future. But before starting, I have to tell you that I’m not attracted to famous places like Paris, Hawaii or New York but to those less popular cities or villages in different countries around the world.

The Peleș Castle

Artandcraft.ro

Before talking about international beauties, I don’t want to leave out the treasures in my own country and this castle is one of the places in Romania I uncontrollably fell in love with.

It was built in 1883 by the first king of Romania, Carol I, and it is the residence of the royal family. It is located in the Carpathian Mountains, near Sinaia, a very popular skiing resort. It is just a photographer’s ideal place for taking photos.

I wanted to visit this place on my birthday but because of the present situation I had to postpone my visit for later this year.

Budapest

I don’t have enough words to express my love for this city and its beauty. Just seeing how Danube river is decorated with architectural masterpieces makes me want to go there in this moment.

All the pictures I saw of this city made me feel like Budapest is on another planet. It has everything a beauty lover can wish for. I even made a list for places to visit there: Halászbástya (Fisherman’s Bastion), Az Országház (House of the Nation), Széchenyi Fürdő (Széchenyi Bath & Spa), Dohány Utcai Zsinagóga (Dohány Street Synagogue) and all the churches existing there.

Switzerland’s mountains

I mean, how can you not fall in love with such magnificent landscapes?

I’ve always loved the mountains, even though I am not a huge fan of hiking or cold weather, but I can’t help but cry in amazement when I see this amazing art of the nature. I really started thinking about my best-friend’s suggestion as well: going there, maybe buying a cow or two and living in peace for the rest of our lives. It doesn’t sound bad at all.

Besides hiking and breaking my legs in the mountains, Lake Geneva, Abbey of Saint Gall and Kapellbrücke are on my list as well.

Iceland

Two things made me fall in love with this country: waterfalls and Northern Lights. Capturing Aurora Borealis with my camera is one of the top things on my bucket list, even if I know that I’m going to freeze to death if I’ll ever have the opportunity to go there. But I think dying for art is worth it, right?

All the waterfalls, national parks and places with no people are already on my list. If I write about the next places I think I’m going to cry of frustration.

Nashville

While others want to live the American dream while visiting cities like New York, Las Vegas or L.A., my heart dreams of going to country music’s capital city, Nashville. Ever since I discovered Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, a trip to Nashville was already a must-have for me. If I were to become a full-time singer, I would choose the country music at any hour. I’m still 21, I can never know what the future has prepared for me. So I should buy a cowboy hat just in case.

Quebec

Going North from USA, we arrive in this beautiful city I fell in love with after watching a Korean drama named Goblin. Yes, I’m that pathetic.

I can include this city in the category named “cities from another world” because that’s how amazing Quebec is. Le Château Frontenac is maybe the first place I’ll go and photograph (because I’d be too broke to stay there even for one night) and then just daydream on that hill and watch the sunset. Guys, I think I’m really going to cry now, help me.

The only thing that will be a bit difficult for me is trying to talk in French… That would be funny and sad at the same time.

South Korea

To be honest, I lost a lot of interest in South Korea recently, this is why I put it on the last place here (even though I didn’t make this article as a top list), but I would lie if I said that I don’t want to visit this country.

I know that many people that go to South Korea are dying to visit Seoul, but for me, I’m sick of this city even if I’ve never been there before. The reason is that there are so many foreigners in Seoul that this city lost its attraction and authenticity in my eyes. Just seeing how Gyeongbok Palace is crowded with so many people everyday, it makes me bored and not as interested anymore.

If I had the opportunity to visit this country though I would visit Busan first. It is the second most populated city in Korea with as many attractions as Seoul. And you can go to the beach! Other places that are on my list are Andong, Suwon and as many villages as possible.

I am soooo sorry for writing such a long article. At first I wanted to write about only five places but I ended up putting two more on the list. Oopsie.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you for traveling with me today, even if not literally but I hope you enjoyed this trip. See you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳”The only difference between a crazy man and Dalí is very simple…”

“…Dalí is not crazy at all!” And he really wasn’t.

Welcome back, my dears! Today I started my routine much earlier than usual. I woke up at 3:30 AM… me… the human version of a Koala bear. Can you believe it? Me neither. Of course, I had a reason: I wanted to attend one of Irene Rudnyk’s webinars about photography and it was worth it. Anyway, let’s get to work!

What do you think I’m going to write today about? You got it right: I’m going to tell you about how much Salvador Dalí inspires me everyday, even if many people still think that he was a crazy man. They couldn’t be more wrong.

Who is Salvador Dalí?

source: Pinterest

Before he was an amazing artist, he was a kid that had anything he could ever wish for: the excessive attention and care of his parents and other relatives. That made him difficult to talk with since he was so spoiled and that affected his social life while he was in school. Not only his personality was different from any other kid his age, but the way he was dressed made him stand out too. And you know how children act in these kind of situations: they start to pick on the different kids. Dalí was not an exception from this rule either.

Not even the teachers had a different opinion about Dalí , labeling him as a lazy student just because he wasn’t willing to memorize everything that was taught in school. He was a very curious boy and wanted to literally learn new things, not memorize them like a parrot. So Dalí wasn’t a straight “A” student, but he didn’t seem to care too much about that. Things changed when he started to go to an art school. He was the best in his class.

When he was a teenager, his rebellious side was even more obvious, just seeing how he was doing the exact opposite of what his art teacher was telling him to do. This personality of his often brought him trouble (he was even expelled from the academy). But this is how he created new drawing and painting techniques and became an art genius after all.

Dalí started making friends only after his academy pals saw him painting in his studio. He wasn’t the type of person that shared his art ideas and philosophies with other people and that’s why everyone thought that he was a creep or a crazy person that happened to be eccentric as well. Only when he started to be understood by the people around him he became a more opened person that could do dumb things with his friends and everything a young person should or shouldn’t do.

Why is Salvador Dalí such an inspiration for me?

I “met” Dalí while I was still in middle school and I fell in love with his paintings just because they were different, not something you see at any other painter from his time. His imagination was no joke. He could transform any living creature or object into something new and shocking.

Dalí inspires me because I see myself in him. He wrote in one of his autobiographies that he portrays himself as a tortured teenager without friends or anything resembling a normal social life. I was very similar to him while I was a little kid: I didn’t really have any friends, everybody couldn’t wait to see me making a mistake and pick on me, I was often misunderstood and I was labeled as a problem-child. And I still live with that label today. Not because it’s true, but because others don’t want to accept anything different about me – this is how Dalí lived a part of his life as well.

And just like this amazing artist, drawing and art in general was the thing that changed my life and helped me create a world only for me.

He’s one of my huge role models because he just decided not to give a damn about what others thought about him and that brought him huge success.

I always hear these stupid words: “Oh, you artists. You can never be understood and you all tend to be a bit strange.” Let me spill some tea for you: We are strange and misunderstood just because no one really wants to understand us and just creates an image that doesn’t necessarily represent our true form.

Also, being told that we’re “crazy” or “strange” all the time, it makes us believe that at some point and we act and do only what our labels allow us to.

Society makes artists crazy because they don’t want to follow all the rules and paths everyone choose and they just see everything from another point of view. And by doing this, we become just some wicked aliens that use another language and everyone avoids us. AND OF COURSE THAT THIS MAKES US SAD AND DEPRESSED.

Artists are not strange, not crazy and not depressed all the time, as many people believe. Yes, we have a different mindset and level of intensity when it comes to our emotions, but we’re as normal as you. We just want you to listen to us and you’ll see that we’re not that different.

And also, an artist doesn’t have to feel sad or emo all the time to be called an “artist”. I remember that someone once told me this: “You don’t really look like an artist. You’re way too energetic and happy.” Can we stop doing this, please? It is already enough hearing that we’ll die of hunger because we won’t have a decent income, or that our dreams are just “useless”.

Artists can be happy, they can be fearless, they can be introverted, less confident or scared. No matter what their personality is, at the end of the day, an artist is an artist.

source: Amazon.com

Also, this is for the teachers and parents: Do not force the children to be the best at math, languages or the things that the society accepts as “appropriate for a future career”! And don’t get upset if they don’t have good grades at those subjects either. Just look carefully and maybe you’ll find a good musician, photographer, writer, poet or athlete in that kid. Just look at Dalí: he had the lowest grades in school but he was the top in his class at the art academy. Life can’t work only with math, science and philosophy… you need art too.

Appreciate the artists for what they are, not for what you want them to be. It is sad thinking that many of the huge artists that lived in this world were not appreciated while they were alive, but soon after they died they became geniuses and everybody would pay millions of dollars to have one of their paintings… But when they were alive, nobody wanted to give a damn on their work. Just… let’s stop doing this and start supporting the artists while they’re still breathing. They need the money, the support and the encouragement now, not when they can’t use them anymore.

Let’s try to be less shallow and then we’ll see all the people around us in different colors.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and if you enjoyed it, you can give it a like!~ I’ll leave you a lovely song here for you to listen to. See you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳What is making me sad? How does it affect my life?

“Hello and happy Tuesday to you all!~ I really hope you have/had a nice day and you are safe. Today I’m going to end the first week of my daily writing challenge.

Yesterday I made a list of ten things that make me happy and it was shockingly difficult to do that. Today I’ll write about things that make me feel the opposite. To be honest, I could write so many things that make me feel sad. I could fill a whole book.

But I decided to follow this motto: “You either get bitter, or you get better. You either take what’s been dealt to you and allow it to make you better, or you allow it to tear you down.” I have two choices to make: to try to count my blessings everyday and be happy or just thinking about sadness and allow it to rule my life.

This is why I will try to choose only five things to put on this list:

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My birthday – I know that this should be a happy day in anyone’s life but for me it is just depressing. You can say I act like the people in their early 50’s, ha. Of course, it wasn’t always like this. I think I started hating this day when I turned 16 or 17. I have many reasons for feeling like that, but I will not give too many details here. There’s another article I want to write and I will elaborate this topic there.

Thinking I’m not good enough or not important – Whenever I have an episode of “depression time” (and I’m pretty sure many people feel the same as I do), my mind tends to make me feel like nobody cares about me and that I’m not good enough to be listened to. And if I happen to write to someone, not necessarily close to me, and they don’t answer for a period of time it’s a K.O and it is awfully annoying because I’m literally not able to think logically at that moment. I realize that everyone has a personal life and problems only after some time passes.

What I do to prevent this: Whenever I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown, I immediately start doing something I like. I usually listen to music or read my favorite book so my attention is distracted. The most important part: I do not text to old school friends or university friends that have a busy schedule so as not to give myself the impression that they ignore me. If I can’t help it, I write to myself, it’s making me feel much better.

Thinking about my school/ high school days – I hated my life while I was in middle school and whenever something triggers some of my memories about that time, my mood is ruined. On the other hand, when I remember about high school… gosh, I really miss those moments. I can say I had a high school life just like the ones in movies. I had lots friends, I was present at any activity and I was sincerely happy. I always feel nostalgic when I remember my classmates, all the stupid things we did and all the beautiful memories we have. I always watch a video I made for our graduation day when I want to go back to those days.

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When I see abandoned or sick animals – I love animals more than I love humans. There it is. I spilled the tea! I hate to see any kind of animal abuse. Just… How can you make an innocent animal suffer? Why? Too bad that I live in an apartment. If I lived in a house, I would have lots of adopted cats, dogs, raccoons, koalas and so many other cuties. They deserve all the love in this world.

Realizing that this world is not pink at all, and the good people are going extinct – Let’s face it… This world is crazy, scary and there are so many bad things happening nowadays that we can’t even imagine. I think that the memory that left a huge mark in my soul was the day I realized that not everyone is as good and kind as I think, and that there are more people with bad intentions in this world than those who want to make a good change. This sudden cold shower is shocking for a 7-year-old. What happens right now in this world is not only making me sad, it turns everything to fear.

What can we do about it? Make a change. Start changing your life and mindset so it becomes a source of hope and positivity for other people. Romanians have a saying: “Spring doesn’t come with just one flower” and it is one of the quotes I hate the most because it is not true. Even if you feel like fighting with the strong wind on your own, and it seems like nobody wants to fight together with you, don’t lose hope. You will see the results. Humans are creatures that love to copy. You just have to be strong, patient and kind.

We’re too selfish nowadays and we don’t realize that selfishness and our constant focus on money, beauty standards or other fleeting things are the main reason why we’re feeling empty and sad. Try smiling for your family and friends or help someone you know is in need. Happiness comes not only from little things, but from kindness too.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading today’s article and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳I am happy when…

“…I’m writing here! Hello, my dears and welcome back on my blog!~ A new week has started and I’m coming with a new article for my daily challenge. It’s already the 6th day and I’m as excited as ever to write something you’d find interesting and I’m pretty sure that, at the end of this month, you’ll know more things about me.

I’ve been writing many things about myself, and today I want to tell you about ten things or moments that make me feel happy.

To be honest, this article is a bit of a challenge (no pun intended) for me because I’m usually not a very happy person, even if I look like one. So I decided to struggle a bit to find not only one, but ten things that make me less stressed or frustrated (which for me is equal with being happy).

I am happy when…

…I write – It doesn’t matter what kind of writing is (writing stories, on my blog or in my diary), anything that comes with words gives me a sense of accomplishment.

…I take photos – I think it is that one hobby that makes me happy, excited, frustrated and sad at the same time. For me, photography is a very complex and fascinating field, but since I have some problems with my self-confidence, it is a bit difficult to always be positive about my future as a photographer. However, I cannot help but smile from ear to ear when I hold my camera in my hands.

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...I watch photography tutorials on youtube – Internet nowadays offers everything for everyone and the photography field is not left aside. There are so many photographers that post amazing content and even show you how they take photos.

Some of the photographers I follow are Jessica Whitaker, Manny Ortiz and my favorite among all, Irene Rudnyk. Irene is my role model in photography and I admire her so so much that I really wish I will be able to be as good as she is. Her videos always give me an appetite for going out with my camera. Watch this video to see why, and if you like her work, you can subscribe to her youtube channel and also follow her on instagram: @irenerudnykphoto.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkuqaHz3WWM2oUgFh3H9q9w

…I make someone laugh – I like to think about myself as a funny person, and fortunately, many of my friends agree on this. My face is extremely expressive and I can animate a discussion without even knowing. When I see someone smile or even laugh at my stupid faces or jokes, I am so happy. I just realized that making others happy is more important for me than my own happiness.

…I watch a football match – This sport makes my heart race more than anything, and makes me so excited that I even annoy my parents. I become louder than usual and live the match like I’m the one on the field. When my favorite teams play… it’s even worse for the people around. I don’t even know how to express my love for this sport.

…I have deep conversations with my mom or my best-friends – I am not a person that hides all their emotions and just go by with their life while trying to solve all the problems on their own and I’m extremely grateful to my mom for this. No matter what my mood is, if something good or bad happened, I always talk with my mom or my best-friends about everything. Talking about your ups and downs with someone you trust will make your bond even stronger and you can find solutions to your problems more quickly.

…I listen to the music or when I sing – Music has always been my doctor. It heals broken hearts, calms a troubled mind and makes you fall in love with everything around you. When I sing, I am in a different world, I feel at ease and I feel strong. I can’t do anything without listening to music and singing.

Recently, I created my own youtube channel where I post covers every Tuesday. Feel free to visit it and listen to the songs I sing there.

…I watch my favorite TV shows and movies – I truly love staying in bed watching lots of movies and all my friends know that I’m obsessed with Korean dramas. I won’t talk about Pride & Prejudice again, because I’m sure you already got the idea that I am a Jane Austen freak.

…I draw – I can’t say I’m very good at it since I’ve been in an on and off relationship with drawing for a long time, but I enjoy drawing something from time to time. I usually draw portraits (this made me follow the photography path), but recently I started learning how to draw manga characters.

...I buy or make presents for my dear ones – I have to admit that when it comes to buying something for me, I need a lot of time to decide if it’s worth buying that new thing or not (I’m extremely stingy with my own money), but when it comes to buying something for my friends or my parents, I can spend all the money I have. Buying something that I know someone would like, gives me a peculiar excitement in comparison to buying something for me. Just as said before: making someone else happy is enough for me. I need nothing else.

This was my list of ten things that give me a nice feeling of accomplishment and relaxation. What makes you happy? If you don’t know yet, try to have some alone time and think about the times you felt joyful and try to find the reasons. You’ll be shocked to see how many things you’ll find.”

That was all she wrote!~ Thank you so much for reading my article. If you liked it and want me to write about something in particular, feel free to tell me in the comments section or just tell me what you think about today’s post!~

See you tomorrow!~  (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳Stop looking for Prince Charming!

“Start looking for a Mr. Darcy. I’ll tell you why in just a few moments.

Welcome back, my dears! It’s such a lovely day here in my town and it is so warm outside that I just want to go out for a walk and write in the woods somewhere. But I do not have internet connection there. Hehe. This is the 5th day of my writing challenge and I thought about writing about a relaxing topic.

Today I’m going to talk about the thing that changed my perspective when it comes to love and relationships; that is “Pride and Prejudice”. This is the only movie that made me read the book too and I can declare that they both are lovely. I already read the book two times and I’ve watched the movie more than 20 times already.

This is my asylum in those times when I feel very lonely and need to see some good and healthy romance.

First, a few words about the movie:

Pride & Prejudice is a romantic movie released in 2005, directed by Joe Wright and based on Jane Austen’s 1813 novel with the same name. The main characters are played by Keira Knightley, Matthew Macfayden, Rosamund Pike, Simon Woods and many others.

The story revolves around a middle-class English family with five daughters: Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty and Lydia. They all live in a rural society and since there’s no son in their family, their estate is destined to be inherited by their father’s cousin, Mr Collins. On the other hand, Mrs. Bennet is willing to marry all of her daughters as soon as possible so they have a safe future no matter what it takes.

Everything changes when Mr. Bingley, a wealthy bachelor, moves into Netherfiled, a nearby estate. Mrs. Bennet takes the lead as a matchmaker and does everything she can so that the one of her daughters will catch the eye of the rich boy. The “new face” gets introduced to the others at an assembly ball and it doesn’t take long till Jane, the oldest among the sisters, becomes the only girl in Mr. Bingley’s eyes.

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The rich bachelor isn’t alone though. He brought his sister, Caroline, and his friend, Mr Darcy, a rich and handsome man that looks extremely aloof and proud. Elizabeth is maybe the one that takes an instant dislike to Darcy, especially because he made some rude remarks about her. That was the moment she decided to refuse to think that Mr. Darcy could be more than just a rich and shallow person with an ego to match.

Mrs Bennet’s arrangements for Jane go as planned and when the militia comes in the town, she quickly takes action to look for a good match for the rest of her daughters. Mr. Collins appears in the picture too, looking for a future wife and Jane is the first one that he chooses. Later, when he finds out that Jane is soon to be engaged, Mr. Collins changes his mind. To Elizabeth’s horror, she starts to get pursued by Mr. Collins. Meanwhile, another charming face appears and that is Lieutenant Wickham that quickly attracts Elizabeth’s attention and she later finds out that he and Darcy had connections since infancy, but they were not on good terms. Hearing Wickham’s sad life-story, Elizabeth’s opinion about Darcy becomes even darker than before and she even confronts him at the ball Mr. Bingley holds at Netherfield.

Just the next day, Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth and she is quickly to refuse him, to her mother’s shock and anger. Mr. Bingley leaves for London unexpectedly and Jane is left heartbroken, but goes to find him in London. Not too many days pass when Elizabeth gets shocking news from her best-friend, Charlotte: she is marrying Mr. Collins. After some time, Elizabeth visits her best-friend’s new house near Lady Catherine’s manor estate.

When the newly-wed couple is invited to dine with Lady Catherine, Elizabeth goes with them and she has an unexpected meeting with Mr. Darcy who turns out to be Lady Catherine’s nephew. Here we see a changed and warmer Mr. Darcy that acts friendly with Lizzy.

At church the next day, Mr. Darcy’s friend starts to tell Lizzy what a loyal friend Darcy is to Mr. Bingley, unaware that Jane is her sister, and mentions that Darcy recently separated Bingley from an “undesirable” match. You can imagine what happens next: Elizabeth is raging with anger. And if it wasn’t enough, Mr. Darcy confesses his love for her shortly after she hears about the tragic truth about her sister’s sadness. His confession is, however, filled with wrong words such as “inferior rank”, “unsuitable family” etc. What were you thinking, boy?

Elizabeth then says one of my favorite lines in the movie:

“From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry”

Only after Darcy writes a letter to Elizabeth to explain everything about his actions towards Jane and Mr. Bingley and even towards Mr. Wickham, Lizzy starts to realize that he misunderstood him all the time.

Her opinion about Mr. Darcy changes completely after he saves her family’s reputation that’s been destroyed by Lydia’s runaway with Mr. Wickham and finally agrees that Darcy is not what her prejudices were telling. And guess what happens in the end: they get married. I will leave the rest of the details to you when you watch the movie.

And now you may think “You adore a movie with a main character that’s a huge jerk.” Oh yeah, he is indeed a jerk because he’s so superficial regarding everything that’s below his high rank. His pride is so huge that even when he’s confessing his love to Elizabeth he can’t let go of his thoughts about her family’s situation and her parents’ inappropriate behavior.

Mr. Darcy is not a Prince Charming. Yeah, he’s rich and handsome but that’s not the reason many girls, including me, have Mr. Darcy as their ideal type of man. This movie teaches us some very important lessons: money and ranks are nothing if your attitude is horrible, and when it comes to love, pride and prejudices should be left aside.

Mr. Darcy had all the reasons to be hated by Elizabeth, but she wasn’t also perfect, seeing how her attitude was towards him. They both knew nothing about each other at first and weren’t willing to find out what each of them were like. They just saw what they wanted to.

Pride is one of the main reasons many relationships fail nowadays. Nobody wants to change their habits, even if they are toxic, and eventually the two people will go their separate ways. What makes this story charming and lovely is the fact that both characters are willing to change completely for the better, even if they have flaws. That’s harmony, balance and true love.

So stop looking for that Prince Charming in shining armor because you’ll probably just find a fool in aluminum foil, stuck in a tree or something. Start looking for a true man who is mature enough.

Why is Mr. Darcy such a good model?

He listens to Lizzy’s every word, even if she teases him or treats him with sarcasm. And he does not only listen. He understands too. Show me a woman who hates an understanding man.

He is also honest, maybe too honest at times, but would you prefer a beautiful liar or a mature, honest man that you can grow together with?

He is a gentleman! The way he acts after being refused says everything. He’s calm, mannered and doesn’t get angry or rude.

He’s a “taciturn” but he’s a man of action and also humble. Everything he does for Lizzy, he does it without wanting to be praised.

And finally, he’s willing to change his bad habits for his loved one.

I am already so sick of those movies in which the bad guy always gets the good girl but he doesn’t really change his behavior till the end of the story. I love Pride & Prejudice for the fact that both characters are similar in attitude and flaws and their story looks much more real than many others.

I really hope that every girl in this world will find their own Mr. Darcy or even a Mr. Bingley. They’re both cute!~”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this long article and I really hope you liked it. I really can’t wait to know what you think about this article and I will also leave a link to watch this lovely masterpiece if you haven’t watched it yet. ^^ See you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

https://moviehdz.com/movies/pride-prejudice-2005/

➳Five current goals

“Welcome back on my blog, my dears!~ I really hope that while you read my words, you and all your loved ones are safe. We go through some difficult times and the future doesn’t seem too bright for now. But I’m pretty sure that everything will eventually come back to normal.

Anyway, while this situation still persists I will try to do my best to provide interesting content for you so you don’t get bored too much!~ Before I start writing today’s article, I would like to ask you what you think about my blog so far and what you would like me to write about, so feel free to use the comments section down below!~

Today I’m going to talk about my five current goals and I’m pretty excited to share them with you.

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1. Going to university is my main and most important goal I have at the moment.

Since I quit my previous university I changed my focus on full-time photography and cinematic universe. I do not have a very clear image of what I want to do after graduation, but the major I want to choose has pretty much everything I need (photography, journalism, special effects etc). So wish me luck. I really hope that admissions will be held at least in autumn despite the current situation.

My second goal is buying another camera and lay the foundations of my little photography business.

I’ve been into the photography field for almost four years already and I feel like I should take everything to the next level. I really want to get into the fashion photography industry. It is one of my biggest dreams to travel the world and work with different studios and take photos of many many people. Till then, I’ll have to gain more experience and learn new things.

Finishing my novel and then publish it is my third goal.

The cover for one of my novels

You know that one thing you write for your New Year’s resolutions but you never get to do it? Well this novel I write is the same for me. I started writing it in 2012 or 2013 and I wasn’t able to finish it.

♫You’d say I’m lazy, ‘cuz you just think I don’t want to write, but when I try to write it, another plot comes to my mind♫

As you see in my lyrics above, what really makes me write so slow is not the fact that I have the writer’s block or I’m lazy. The big problem is that my imagination can’t stop working and, out of the blue, I come up with new ideas for other novels or stories. But this year, I’ll try to finish my first draft and start editing.

I am pretty fond of this story since it revolves around photography and a bit of K-pop so I really want it to have as many readers as possible.

Going somewhere abroad is still a beautiful dream

Look at this beauty.
source: TripSavvy.com

As you may saw in my previous posts and in this article too, I love the idea of traveling but I never got the chance to go to another country and that upsets me a little… okay, a little more. I really wanted to go to Budapest this year since I’m staying home but then this shitty virus happened and here I am, stuck at home. I really hope that I will be able to visit that city. That place is so pretty and I can’t wait to take pictures there.

The final goal on my list here is seeing people being helped and reassured by my words on this blog.

Ever since I started to write this blog I had one thing in mind “I want to help myself get out of my depressed state and also help others”. That’s why I gave my blog the name “art journal”; I will not talk only about art stuff, I will also try to tackle some subjects that are still considered inappropriate, especially when it comes to mental health.

I really wish I can help lots of people because we are not alone in this world. We shouldn’t be selfish when it comes to others’ suffering or pain. So please give my blog lots of love!~

This was my article for today! I really hope you enjoyed it and if you have a suggestion for a future article, feel free to tell me in the comments. I can’t wait to see your ideas!”

That was all she wrote!~ Thank you for your visit here and see you tomorrow! (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➸My fears

“Well hello again!~ Did you miss me? I came back with my 3rd blog from my daily challenge. Today I’m going to talk about five fears I have.

We all have fears, right? Some of them are big, some of them are little, but each of us perceive these with different emotions and intensity.

I do have lots of fears too. And many of them can’t be seen easily, but they’re there, somewhere hidden in my subconscious. I will list some of them but not in an intensity order.

Spiders

I was too afraid to search for real spider pictures, so here you have Lucas the spider.

I have goosebumps and chills go down my spine only by writing this word. I don’t remember when and why this phobia of mine started. But I either yell my lungs out or just stop breathing and moving for a few moments when I see a spider that’s bigger than my fingernails. The panic increases directly with the size of the spider and if it moves too I paralyze. And I’m not even exaggerating.

I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if someone showed me a tarantula or similar beasts like that. I think that the happiest scenario is me fainting. But then I’ll wake up quickly because I don’t want it to climb on me.

The future

This is something I started to be afraid of since senior year in high school. Lots of things happened during that time, I was often stressed and frustrated and I arrived at a crossroad, not knowing what to do, especially because all the things I thought I liked were starting to look less good for my future.

I was just 13 years old when I decided what road I’ll choose after I finished high school and I was concentrated on achieving that. But when I turned 19, things were getting blurry and everything before my eyes was just heavy fog. Not having someone to give me a good piece of advice made the things even worse.

I still have this fear. It haunts me even when I’m writing these words. But I’m working on trying to focus on the present because I either live in the past too much or I just worry about my future and that is a huge “no-no”.

Relationships

Yeah, you read it correctly. I’m afraid of relationships more than the future to be honest.

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I never had a relationship and I don’t know how is like to love someone that’s not mom and dad. What scares me more than the relationship itself is meeting the wrong person and not knowing that before it’s too late. I’ve seen enough examples of toxic and failed relationships that make me think twice before saying “how nice would it be if…”, and I also had some (not really dramatic) experiences that just put me in a place that it’s difficult to get out of. In other words, I’m a very good wall-builder.

On the other hand though, I am also afraid of:

Dying alone

I’m a living paradox, what can I do? All the people around me know already that I’m a very sociable person and I can’t live without having other human beings around me.

So yeah, I’m afraid of relationships but I also don’t want to die alone. Maybe I’ll get a cat, or two. Or maybe two dogs.

Failure and disappointment

I’m pretty sure that many of us live with this fear of not being able to achieve our goals and disappointing ourselves or other people.

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This fear has been my “friend” for a long time already and it seems like we have a “love-hate” relationship. (And I said I’m afraid of those, ha.) I’ve always lived trying to fulfill others’ high expectations and only a little wrong step could create a chaos in my universe. And disappointment, once it comes to me, it never leaves. Other people’s disappointment in me becomes my disappointment too and the final stage is low self-esteem and hating myself.

This fear is a bit difficult for me to cope with since it became a mechanism that works without me knowing and it doesn’t need “fuel”. It’s just there, waiting for a time when all those overwhelming feelings can be triggered.

Writing all these made me realize that it is not something unusual to have fears. The only important thing is how we work to improve ourselves to get rid of them or just reduce their power and their influence in our life.

I’m pretty sure that if each of us will try to see the better side of the picture, we will eventually see that those giants called “fears” are just the shadows of some dwarfs that want attention. I really hope that you will be able to get over them in time. You know that saying: “fear is something that lives only in our mind”. Is our job to see everything different and change our mindset.”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading this article and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

➳My favorite quote

“Hello, my dear art lovers!~ Day two of my 30 days blog challenge. Yay! I saw that many of you liked my previous article and it made me really happy to see the number of views for something I thought that would not be that interesting for other people. So thank you!

Today I’m going to talk about some words of wisdom that helped me in difficult times and I can say that they became a guide in my life.

When I started to be a K-pop fan, I used to love a song very much because of its lyrics. The song was Bang Yongguk and Zelo’s “Never give up” and its lyrics were talking about South Korea’s educational system.

“Taking thousand dollars private lessons
This system that emphasizes grades over friendships
This pressure called exams, this burden called college
The stress that are building up, would my parents know?”

But what really caught my attention was one of the few English lines in the song that were saying “do what you like, love what you do”. Now I know that they may not sound that interesting or deep, but since I grew up in some situations where I often had to do what others wanted me to and live up to other people’s expectations, those words came to me like a helping hand.

Later, when I grew up, I found a similar quote and that was the moment I decided to live by having this quote as my “mantra”.

Why do I love this quote so much?

Ever since I started to become aware of my own existence there were lots of times when I heard: “No, that’s not for you. No, you won’t be able to do that. You’ll die of hunger with that job. You won’t be able to go there. You want too many things.”

Whenever I came with a new idea for my future, there was always someone that was ready to destroy all my dreams with a short “Haha, you can’t, it’s going to be too difficult for you” and I grew up thinking that I can’t make decisions by myself, that I can only live by being told what to do and eventually I started thinking I’m dumb and incapable of doing anything great.

Music came to rescue me and it gave me much more courage for many things. So I started doing everything I wanted to. I started to write, to learn to play guitar, to sing, to draw and started learning photography. And I was finally more content with my life than before. Of course, it was difficult at first. Those people didn’t stop to try to wreck everything and there were lots of times when I would feel down because I was accepting a bit too easily all the bad things people were making me believe.

When you have lots of hobbies you can’t really master only one and if you are a messy person like me there will be lots of times when you’ll feel stressed and frustrated.

But after you learn a bit of time management, everything will be fine and you’ll know how to use your creativity to do everything with your own pace and results will be much more obvious in time.

It is so sad that many kids these days don’t have opportunities to find other people that can help them and give them a good piece of advice and society most of the times tries to trample on any sign of optimism and hope.

I want you to know that you can do anything you want. If you have the ambition and the passion, you already made the first steps. Try not to think “Oh no, what will they think? What if they will hate me?”

Who cares what others think? Other people’s opinion about you is not your business. You just have to concentrate on what makes you happy and makes a better version of you everyday. Do what you love, love what you do! You can move the mountains!”

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you all for reading my article and see you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

20 facts about me

“Hello, my dears and happy April fools’ day!~ I know that many of you don’t have the mood for jokes or things like that, me neither. But yesterday I thought that I should pay more attention to my blog and not forget the main reason I started writing here, so I started to look for some writing challenges. In the end, I created a personal list and for 30 days I will write an article about different things.

Today I will talk about 20 facts about me.

1. I am 21 years old and I do not feel more different than a 12 year-old, left aside the back and knees pain and the depression.
2. I was a student at a languages university but I quit and I could never make a better decision.
3. I am usually a very friendly person and I like to make new friends everywhere I go.
4. My favorite dessert is Kinder Bueno. It is also my guilty pleasure.
5. My favorite colors are maroon, carmine and many shades of blue.
6. I have lots of hobbies: photography, drawing, singing, playing instruments, crafting, reading, watching Korean series and dancing.
7. I am very good at giving relationship advice (or any kind of advice). It is the only thing I admit I’m good at. On the opposite, I am very bad at following my own advice. Oops.
8. My favorite movie is “Pride and Prejudice” and I’ve watched it more than twenty times already.
9. My favorite music genre is Country, 80’s rock ballads and K-pop. I’ve been listening K-pop music for 10 years already.
10. My favorite band in this world is Bon Jovi and I wish I could meet him someday.
11. I am extremely allergic to dust.
12. I have arachnophobia.
13. When talking about pet peeves I can list: being too confident talking about something but not knowing anything accurate/ being racist / being interrupted while I talk.
14. I am a huge football/soccer fan. I inherited this passion from my mom and even though I used to watch and like it when was 8 or 9, I became a real fan only two years ago. One of the reasons is that my dad hates football and I couldn’t watch or get too excited about matches so I wasn’t exposed to that world too much.
15. The sports I hate watching are: hockey, American football, rugby, boxing and wrestling. And all these have a common treat that makes me hate them: they’re too violent.
16. When I was little I wanted to become a gymnast or a professional skater.
17. The word that irritates me the most in this world is serendipity. I don’t hate its meaning. I just got sick of it since in 2019 everyone was using it as a description for everything posted on social media. And when a certain song with this title was released it was decided. I hate that word.
18. The most stressful thing for me is trying to concentrate on something but being interrupted by something or somebody.
19. I can speak Romanian and English fluently. I am currently studying Korean and Chinese.
20. I am obsessed with skin-care and make-up these days.

These are some of the things I thought about sharing with you. I have more, but they go better with other subjects I will write about in the next days.

This article was very fun to write and you found out some new things about me. “

That was all she wrote!~

Thank you so much for reading my article and I hope you liked it. ^^ See you tomorrow!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Să înțelegem fotografii

“Bună, iubitori de frumos. Inaugurez în sfârșit și această categorie într-o perioadă mai înnorată. Sunt sigură că mulți dintre voi caută acum surse de inspirație sau relaxare în domeniul online, așa că vin și eu în ajutor cu un micuț articol, care sper să vă fie util.

Chiar îmi stătea acest articol în ciorne de foarte multă vreme pentru că nu știam cum să abordez situațiile pe care le voi prezenta mai jos. Inițial mă gândeam să scriu totul sub formă de pamflet, dar e subțire granița dintre amuzant și sarcastic și nu vreau să par impertinentă. Însă unele incidente recente m-au făcut să schimb tonul articolului și să iau în serios toată treaba.

Am ajuns într-o perioadă în care tehnologia atinge în fiecare zi cote noi și de asemenea, domeniul fotografiei nu este “iertat” de aceste noi recorduri. Așa că și fotografii încep să fie prezenți la tot mai multe evenimente, nu doar cele mai speciale (nunți, botezuri etc). Însă am observat că, din păcate, oamenii nu prea înțeleg ce înseamnă întreaga denumire de “fotograf”.

Acum, înainte de a începe să intru mai adânc în subiect, vreau să precizez că nu fac nici un fel de atac la persoană și știu că multe dintre situații au loc din necunoștiință de cauză; și e de înțeles… până la un punct. Așa că voi începe să enumăr câteva lucruri pe care nu ar trebui să i le faceți unui fotograf.

Un mic secret: Oricat de bună ar fi
camera unui telefon, nu poate
concura niciodată cu un aparat.

“Ce e așa mare scofală? Doar apeși un buton. Același lucru pot să îl fac și eu cu telefonul.”

Asta e una din cele mai proaste replici de “agățat” fotografi. Eu asta o aud de cele mai multe ori atunci când prezint prețul cuiva și acel cineva încearcă să obțină o reducere. Dragii mei, fotografia nu înseamnă doar să apeși un buton. Când faci poze, da, dar nu e la fel și în cazul fotografiei.

Ca să vă fac o idee despre ce înseamnă “fotografie” vs “o simplă apăsare de buton”, precizez că fotografii se împart în următoarele categorii: fotografi amatori (cum sunt turiștii sau cei care fac poze ca mijloc de relaxare), fotografi obișuiți (care fac puțin din orice, pe o sumă modestă de bani, în plus față de ocupația principală) și fotografii profesioniști (care din asta își câștigă traiul). Ar mai fi și fotograful “impostor”, dar nu are rost să detaliez categoria asta și să intru în polemici, că nu aș mai termina articolul ăsta veci. Cu toate că poate voi scrie ceva despre asta într-o zi.

Un fotograf, înainte să apese un buton ia în considerare o mulțime de lucruri: cum cade lumina, din ce unghi, compoziția și multe alte lucruri pentru ca rezultatele să fie mulțumitoare pentru ambele părți. Iar apoi vine editatul care înseamnă timp, muncă și răbdare.

“Suntem neamuri/vecini/prieteni de n-șpe ani, nu îmi faci poze gratis? Îți fac reclamă.”

Să primești servicii gratis e mișto, știu. Recunosc că și eu aveam tendința de a gândi asta. Și da, sunt o mulțime de fotografi care muncesc gratis, însă asta nu durează până la nesfârșit. Toți fotografii fac muncă voluntară la început (sau chiar și mai des) pentru a căpăta experiență și puțin renume.

Dacă se întâmplă să aveți un fotograf în cercul de prieteni și ați vrea să îi folosiți serviciile, întrebați-l mereu dacă percepe o taxă. Mulți dintre fotografi, chiar dacă nu fac gratis fotografii, fac reduceri pentru familie sau prieteni. Iar dacă nu o fac, nu-i scoateți ochii cu arborele genealogic. Până la urmă aparatura se cumpără cu bani, nu cu reclamă.

Pentru un fotograf contează destul de mult felul în care cei apropiați îi abordează și respectă serviciile. Dacă prietenii și familia nu îi respectă timpul, răbdarea și munca, plătind o sumă fie ea cât de mare sau mică, atunci cine altcineva să o facă? (Și cam doare când cineva apropiat se folosește de relația voastră pentru a primi ceva gratis.)

” X-ulescu mi-a promis atâtea poze, dar mult mai ieftine/ are mai multă experiență și aparatură performantă și nu cere atât.”

Ah, faimoasa tehnică de a face rost de reducere. Dragii noștri, fotografii (majoritatea, cel puțin) nu se sperie și nici nu se simt mai motivați să scadă din prețul serviciilor după ce aud replica aceasta și nici nu rămân fără ocupație dacă nu îl alegeți. Și până la urmă, dacă vi s-a oferit o ofertă mai bună, de ce mai veniți la noi, “ăștia scumpi”? Mereu va eixsta cineva care va lucra mai ieftin, însă și rezultatele vor fi pe măsură.

În ceea ce privește aparatura și experiența, aici e cu poveste. Aceste două lucruri nu pot fi o asigurare că un fotograf e bun și face fotografii bune. Sunt mulți care au aparate scumpe și nu știu să le folosească.

Ne rugați să vă dăm fotografiile needitate la puțin timp după ședința foto/eveniment.

Un fotograf care se respectă își rezervă timp pentru selecționarea și procesarea fotografiilor și nu oferă niciodată clientului produsul brut (decât cu mici excepții); acesta trebuie procesat și finisat, iar asta poate dura chiar și o lună, în funcție de eveniment. Rezultatul trebuie să fie conform așteptărilor. Știm că sunteți nerăbdători să vedeți pozele cât mai repede, însă răbdarea din partea clientului are ca rezultat niște fotografii frumos procesate.

Dacă fotograful vă trimite imaginile neprocesate pentru a alege dumneavoastră care să fie editate (sau doar pentru că a făcut un compromis datorită nerăbdării dumneavoastră), dar cu precizarea: “să nu fie postate online“, respectați cererea acestuia. Dacă veți posta fotografiile needitate și mai și etichetați autorul acestora, asta va aduce mai mult reclamă proastă fotografului.

Același lucru e și în cazul fotografiilor gata editate cărora le puneți alte filtre sau modificări în plus (care de cele mai multe ori deteriorează produsul inițial, nu-l îmbunătățește). Vă rugăm să ne respectați munca și să nu vă faceți pielea inutil de portocalie în photoshop.

Nu oferiți feedback după primirea fotografiilor.

Asta e ceva subiectiv, recunosc. Nu toți ținem cont de asta. Eu una, însă, știu că mi-am terminat treaba în momentul în care clientul își exprimă mulțumirile sau nemulțumirile față de munca mea. Feedback-ul nu e important doar pentru fotografi; este unul dintre sursele de îmbunătățire și corectare a unor greșeli, deci ar fi ideal dacă, după primirea fotografiilor, ne-ați spune părerea dumneavoastră. Ne e mereu de mare ajutor.

Programați o ședință foto, nu mai veniți, nu anunțați sau dați scuze penibile.

A murit “bunica” sau “pisica”, ne e plin podul de minciunele din astea. Se poate întâmpla oricând ceva neprevăzut și putem înțelege asta, nu trebuie să ne ignorați când vă sunăm pentru a vă întreba dacă mai veniți sau nu.

Iar în cazul în care e posibil să anunțați dinainte că anulați ședința sau vreți să o amânați, indiferent de motiv, spuneți-ne. Nu ne supărăm (așa tare). Ne supărăm când folosiți minciuni gogonate precum: “mi-a mâncat câinele tema”.

Schimbați de nenumărate ori ora ședinței/ evenimentului sau chiar cu câteva ore înainte.

Unul dintre cele mai stresante si frustrante lucruri pe care puteți să i le faceți unui fotograf. Așa cum fiecare om are un program mai mult sau mai puțin ocupat, așa sunt și fotografii. Și nu toți au un program felxibil ca să poată fi schimbat la fiecare 20 de minute.

Ne spuneți cum să ne facem treaba/ vreți să vă facem poze și cu telefonul.

Știm că vreți ca totul să fie perfect, perfect, perfect. Și apreciem că aveți idei și inspirație. Însă de multe ori, se pune problema într-un mod foarte greșit. De obicei când angajați un fotograf acesta știe deja ce trebuie să facă. Iar când vine vorba de telefon… haideți să îl lăsăm să se odihnească până se folosește un aparat.

De asemenea, este deranjant și nu prea politicos atunci când cineva se bagă în fața fotografului la nuntă, botez ca să fotografieze mirii, copilul etc.

Un alt lucru care se mai întâmplă e să aveți deja poze salvate de pe internet și vreți să fie imitate la perfecție. Fotografia e o meserie frumoasă pentru faptul că nu poți imita sau reda un moment care a trecut. Și ce e original e mereu mai frumos.

Ne atingeți aparatura fără acordul nostru.

Cutia Pandorei nu trebuie atinsă.

Știu că multe dintre lucrurile ce le-am enumerat mai sus nu sunt cunoscute tuturor. Așa cum munca unui instalator, zugrav si al oricărui meșter este importantă pentru el însuși, la fel este și pentru fotografi. Nu e o meserie ușoară așa cum cred mulți. Este stresantă și trebuie să fii mereu creativ și prietenos, chiar dacă nu ai dormit de nopți întregi. Acestea sunt doar câteva dintre lucrurile pe care nu ar trebui să le faceți sau să le spuneți fotografilor. Din păcate, sunt mulți oameni care cunosc aceste lucruri și tot rămân nepăsători, dar poate, poate am reușit să lămuresc niște enigme și lucrurile vor sta altfel.”

That was all she wrote~

Sper ca v-a placut articolul acesta si va mulțumesc că l-ați citit. (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

“The notebook” – True love story or sugar-coated disaster?

“Here I am, back again with a new post, this time another movie review. Did you missed me? I know you did. No? Okay.

I’m sure that many of you saw already that I’m not looking to nitpick the mistakes in the production of a movie or how things should have been written to be better (even though there are sooo many silly mistakes in this movie that it cracks me up). But till I start being something closer to a real “critique”, I will expose the deep meanings of a movie or its stupid story. So here we have it:

source: Amazon.com

“The notebook”. The movie that broke a lot of hearts and made lots of eyes cry (because of the ending or just because they realized they had lost 2 hours and 4 minutes of their life in vain).

Now I know that I’ll hear lots of things after I publish this, especially since this movie is a lot of people’s favorite romantic movie. And before I start writing about it, I want to ask all of you who prefer this movie over others: WHY?

I made some efforts and watched this movie again to be able to write this without missing any important things and at some point I just pressed the ‘pause’ button and thought about a possibility that I start to believe it is really true.

I’m pretty sure that this movie was a psychological experiment and the writer and director of the movie tried to see if people are getting attached to a toxic relationship but don’t eventually care about it just because the ending is sentimental and sad. If I’m right, then their experiment was a success. People don’t really care about the shitty and toxic “love” story. Even worse, the romanticize the whole situation. But then I read some things about the author of the book this movie was made after. And then I got it.

I’m not saying this movie is bad… Okay. I’m lying. It is. It’s actually really bad and it is even more disappointing that it was and still is ridiculously successful.

Now, let’s get more deep into the movie. Okay? You can throw rocks later.

PopSugar.com

From the beginning, we meet a man and a woman, both living in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s that evolves into dementia and he is often reading her a story about two lovers and those two lovers were the two elders. I know you already knew this, I know.

Traveling in the past, we can see that lots of things go wrong from the beginning. And I’m not talking about the shitty CGI that tried to make some white birds look “real” while flying above that lake (we will forgive this part because it is a 2004 movie and it has more superficial mistakes than this). No, no. I’m talking about the first moment the two “love-birds” meet.

Allie has some kind of a double date while going to an amusement park, Noah sees her and bam! Love at first sight. That’s the moment he starts to follow her like crazy. Stalker much? Now you tell me, girls, if you would fall for a guy, you don’t know at all, that just randomly comes to you and asks you to dance… while you are at a date. I mean, it is very exciting to have a creep following you around, right? It’s so romantic. He doesn’t even tell you his name, if he’s sane or not, he just asks you to dance… Is this not a strong enough sign that this “love” story is crazy? Okay. Here you have the next thing.

The Mary Sue.com

Allie and her date decide to take a ride on the big wheel and how do you think Noah plans to get the girl? ‘Let’s just put our life on the line and threaten her that I’m going to kill myself is she doesn’t go out with me. I’m sure she’ll fall in love with that. Maybe I can even make her shout to convince me not to kill myself.’ What a creative and lovely idea. I’m sure many of us, girls, will love to hear something like this. We’ll be head over heels for a suicidal/stalker guy. Starting from here, Allie, and us too, should already see that Noah is an obsessed freak.

He even puts her life in danger in that famous scene when they lie on a ROAD where CARS pass. But because they start dancing in the middle of the road makes everyone forget that they could just die a few seconds before just because Noah thought it would be fun and it would show Allie how is like to be ‘free’. Should I mention the fact that they start dating without even knowing much about each other? I mean, Noah’s dad makes a better job at helping Allie to find some things about her boyfriend. And even with that help, she doesn’t get to know much.

thenotebookprojectt.blogspot.com

Their relationship is so unhealthy and toxic it just makes me sick. They are always arguing (Allie is extremely violent as well) and don’t even try to solve their problems by talking about it. No. They just make out or sleep together and then act like nothing happened. Little did they know that those things will add up and explode at some point. But who cares, right? It’s love.

Allie has some good intuition. She knows Noah is trouble and you can see that she realizes something is not okay when they almost sleep together for the first time. Then her parents calls the police to find her and here comes the first huge fight between the lovers and what really annoys me is when Allie is even willing to give up on her education just to be with Noah. Girl, NO GUY IS WORTH YOU LEAVING YOUR EDUCATION FOR HIM. Especially not an obsessed one. Period.

They both have some problems up there (yeah, I’m talking about their head). He is obsessed and not really in love with her as he thinks he is and she is abusive and also bipolar. She starts hitting Noah out of the blue, shouting that she hates him but then cries for him not to leave because she loves him. Can you decide already, girl?

Lots of things happen, years pass and finally Allie meets a good guy that really makes her feel happy and loves her truly. Noah doesn’t love Allie. You can see that just by the way he acts with his wife having Alzheimer’s: he’s not stressed, nor angry that his wife can’t recognize him. He just calmly waits for a miracle, comforting himself that his love will help her remember everything.

And I really like Lon more than I like Noah. I didn’t like Noah from the beginning and the fact that Ryan Gosling plays the main character was the cherry on top for me. Lon is not only rich and handsome (which isn’t that important after all), he has manners, he’s calm and has such a good personality. And what does Allie do with this guy after getting engaged to him? She just cheats on him with Noah. Now this is a good influence for the public. She goes back at Noah so easily and she doesn’t even care about hurting the feelings of a guy that (kind of) knew what was going on but trusted her so much and understood her. Why? Because he loved her. That’s true love. Lon even let her go just because he loved her so much that he wanted her to be happy. Are you already as frustrated as I am with this movie?

Vix.com

Allie and Noah don’t really love each other and they didn’t even grow up while they were apart, seeing how their relationship is only guided by passion and how they mistake it for love even when they aren’t teenagers anymore. Their strange “love” for fighting all the time and just brush it off with some kisses didn’t disappear as well.

But all these mad things are hidden under a sugar coat which is the fact that the old Allie finally remembers everything. And BOOM! You forgot all the toxicity with just a few “aww”‘s and some tears just because she’s lucid for a few minutes, but then she goes mad, some other things happen and they die together. What a lovely story… or not.

It is very disturbing to see that not only “The notebook” has become a huge hit in the cinematography, but many other movies, with similar unhealthy types of relationships start to appear more and more on the screens but nobody seems to care about this. Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey, Suicide Squad, and sadly, even Beauty and the Beast are some of those toxic relationships that were way too romanticized and people are fine with the idea. I won’t even try to say that “everyone is free to watch what they want” because this is extremely wrong.

Why do we hate the idea of meeting a bad/obsessed/violent person that tries to persuade us to be in a relationship with them but we adore it when we see it on the screen and even wish we had that kind of “love” (if I can call it like that)?

I don’t know if you can see this or not but these movies, even if they don’t seem to influence the audience’s lives in a negative way, they change the way one sees the world. Romanticizing a relationship where abuse (be it physical or emotional) is present will make some people think it’s okay to be like that or make others think that it’s okay to be treated this way since so many movies, TV series and even books portray these relationships as being a “must-have”.

I know this is not just a 21st century problem. It has been present for so many years already… but I think it’s time directors, writers and producers started to change their mindset about these problems. Relationships nowadays are already difficult, we don’t need art objects to make us think that BAD= GOOD.”

That was all she wrote.

Thank you so much for reading this article. I know it is long, but I really wanted to tackle this subject in a long time and I’m very happy that I finally had the time to finish writing about it. I’m very curious about what you think about it.

See you next time!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

De ce am renunțat la facultate și de ce ar trebui să o faci și tu (concluzii)

“Bună, bună, dragii mei cititori. Scriu această ultimă parte a trilogiei de articole legate de viața mea la facultate cu mult extaz. Nici nu știți ce bucurie m-a inundat când am primit atâtea mesaje de la voi, răspunzând la articolul anterior pe care l-am publicat. Chiar m-am simțit bine să văd că aceste cuvinte pe care le scriu aici pentru voi au efectul dorit și îi consolează pe mulți care cred că sunt singuri în această situație. Nimeni nu e singur. Însă societatea în care trăim ne-a obișnuit prea mult să ne închidă gura atunci când vrem să ne descărcăm sau să mai lăsăm deoparte măștile de oameni “fericiți”, ascunzându-ne în balonașele noastre de săpun, mințindu-ne singuri că e bine oricum.

Știu că titlul acestor articole pare controversat. Și poate pentru unii din voi va fi controversat până la ultimul punct pe care îl voi pune aici. Însă vreau să vă ajut să ieșiți din zona de impas în care vă aflați, să căutați noi orizonturi și să închei acest articol într-o notă pozitivă și optimistă.

Poate vă mai amintiți când v-am spus că unul din motivele pentru care nu mi-a mers nimic bine la facultatea aceasta a fost faptul că nu am luat în calcul alte opțiuni. Să ai ochelari de cal, în orice situație, este un lucru atât de trist care te poate aduce la auto-distrugere.

Mi-am pus ceva în cap, nu m-am mai uitat în dreapta și în stânga, orice altă idee mi s-a părut inutilă, și asta din cauză că am cerut, probabil, prea mult părerea celor din jurul meu, fără să îmi pese, de fapt, de ceea ce simțeam eu că e bine pentru mine. Și atunci când auzi replici asemănătoare cu: “Doctor? Hm, nu prea ți s-ar potrivi. Ai putea învăța atât? Și va trebui să lucrezi non-stop. Avocat? Tu știi ce greu e să înveți atâtea legi și ce ticăloși sunt oamenii? Artist? Vrei să mori de foame?” ți se cam reduce raza vizuală și începi să crezi că exiști degeaba pe lumea asta.

Dar știți ce? Aș fi putut fi oricare din acele profesii enumerate mai sus, sau poate nu. Puteam însă să încerc, chiar dacă nu îmi reușea. Dar din cauză că am fost trântită la pământ de nesiguranțele altor oameni, am ajuns să cred că nimic nu mi se potrivește, chiar dacă aveam nenumărate îndemânări.

Așa am început și eu să spun: “Nu, dom’le, eu altceva în afară de litere nu pot să fac. Că nu-s bună de nimic. Filologie am făcut în liceu, cu aia merg înainte…” și am continuat așa până când am dat de pământ și m-am trezit la realitate. Și chiar și atunci când mi-am dat seama că nu mai merge și că nu e ceea ce vreau, tot am șovăit.

Ca să vă dați seama ce ochelari de cal aveam, abia în semestrul doi am aflat de specializări la alte facultăți de care nici nu auzisem, pentru că nu m-am deranjat să mă interesez. Acela a fost momentul când mi-am dat seama ce vreau să fac și ce îmi place. Și de aici a început o perioadă de confuzie și frustrări.

8Tracks.com

Toată vacanța de vară am stat închisă în propria cameră, neștiind ce să fac. Multe persoane mă presau să îmi continui studiile la aceeași facultate pentru că: “ai început, continui. De îți place, de nu, continui…”, iar asta nu mă ajuta în niciun fel să pot lua o decizie. Știam că nu mai pot și știam că până la urmă voi ajunge să plec de acolo, iar gândul renunțării îmi dădea un aer de relaxare și liniște, mai ales că puteam mai apoi să mă ocup de lucruri care îmi dădeau satisfacție.

După o perioadă lungă, au ajuns și părinții mei la aceeași idee cu mine: nu mai puteam continua. Iar asta a venit în urma unei căderi nervoase destul de urâte: Era sfârșit de septembrie, moment în care sunt publicate listele pentru sutdenții admiși în cămin. Nu intrasem deoarece aveam două restanțe pe anul I, dar mi-am spus că voi continua studiile dacă voi intra la cămin după redistriburi (CU TOATE CĂ ȘTIAM CĂ MĂ VOI TORTURA SINGURĂ ÎNCĂ UN AN). Și am intrat.

În momentul ăla mi s-au amestecat atât de tare sentimentele încât nici nu știam ce simt așa că am început să plâng. Mama se îngrijorase și nu știa ce să facă.

Toată imaginea aceea era bună de pus într-o comedie proastă. Plângeam din cauză că eram supărată de faptul că intrasem la cămin și că trebuia să mă întorc acolo. Pe de altă parte, nu voiam să renunț de frica a ce vor spune rudele, profesorii și alți oameni care și-au pus încrederea în mine. Eram atât de debusolată încât mama a fost cea care a pus punct și mi-a sugerat să renunț. Și așa am și făcut.

Chiar dacă tot procesul de lichidare m-a secat de nervi (din cauza unui personal mai puțin prietenos în anumite părți) și m-a pus pe drumuri două zile la rând, momentul în care m-am văzut cu dosarul în mână am putut să respir ușurată pentru prima oară după mai mult de trei ani. Așa s-a terminat și scurta mea poveste la Facultatea de Litere.

Acum ajungem și la ceea ce am vrut să spun cu toate aceste cuvinte înșirate în trei părți: Dacă nu ești mulțumit de alegerea făcută, nu îți place, simți că nu e pentru tine și mai ales ȘTII că nu vrei să îți construiești viitorul în jurul acelui lucru, nu rămâne facultatea aceea.

Știu că la noi în țară, să ai o facultate nu e ceva obligatoriu și că mulți o fac din obligație sau pentru a fi “în rând cu lumea”. Și mai știu că tot sistemul de învățământ este dat peste cap, de la cel primar până inclusiv la cel universitar. Toate scârțâie. Dar nu pe asta vreau să mă concentrez acum, chiar dacă nemulțumiri în ceea ce privește locul unde mi-am pierdut, practic, timpul un an de zile sunt cu carul.

Când alegi ceva în viață, mai ales la vârsta de 18 ani, e o adevărată bătaie de cap și poate fi stresant și frustrant, mai ales dacă nu poți primi sfaturi și sprijin din nici o parte. Am fost în aceeași situație și eu.

Vreau acum să înșir câteva sfaturi pentru cei care au trecut sau poate încă trec prin situații asemănătoare cu a mea:

Nu ești pregătit pentru facultate încă? Stai un an acasă – Poate unii veți strâmba nasul când auziți asta. Dar cunosc foarte multe cazuri de elevi proaspeți absolvenți de liceu care nu s-au putut decide în același an ce vor să facă și au rămas un an acasă. E un bun mod de a te relaxa și a te canaliza pe anumite hobby-uri pe care vrei să le dezvolți, poți să te angajezi și să încerci diferite lucruri noi, dar mai ales ai o grămadă de vreme să te interesezi bine de fiecare facultate în parte. Nu te zorește nimeni. Singura condiție, însă, e să ai timpul mereu ocupat. Voi spune mai jos și de ce.

Alege ceea ce crezi TU că e bine pentru tine – se poate să nu nimerești unde trebuie, se poate să îți dai seama că nu îți place, dar faci tu alegerea și înveți din greșeli. Iar dacă faci o alegere grozavă din prima? Nici nu se poate mai bine. Vei munci cu mult mai multă motivație, chiar dacă e greu uneori. Nu alege facultatea sau locul de muncă doar pentru că cineva îți spune că acolo trebuie să te duci.

eFinancialCareers.com

Nu îți fie frică să renunți la ceva ce nu îți place și nu vrei să urmezi – Aceasta e o decizie pe cât de grea, pe atât de sănătoasă pentru pishicul și fizicul tău. Și nu se rezumă doar la facultate. La fel e și cu locurile de muncă, relațiile sau prieteniile toxice etc. E greu să ieși din zona de confort, fie ea bună sau rea, dar atât de ușurat te vei simți după ce scapi de acel stres. Atunci când e vorba de viața ta și de viitorul tău, nu asculți ce zice unul sau altul. Asculți ceea ce spui tu și numai tu… Nu te forța să stai trei sau nu știu câți ani într-o facultate, doar ca să absolvi și să îți dai seama că în timpul ăla puteai face ceva mai bun. Serios… nu merită. Gândește-te numai la câte lucruri faine poți să faci… chiar și la o altă facultate.

Dacă te-ai decis să renunți, nu trage de timp – Greșeala asta m-a costat un an oarecum pierdut. Am tras de timp până în a doua săptămână de la începerea noului an universitar și nu am mai avut cum să mă înscriu la altă facultate. Dar mă gândisem că măcar cu ocazia asta îmi voi reveni cu moralul și voi avea timp să fac ce îmi place… Partea proastă? Moralul mi-e mai la pământ ca de obicei. Cum nu mai am persoane de vârsta mea în jur, mă simt singură și ca picată din plop și am ajuns chiar să mă auto-izolez. De asta spun că ar fi mai bine ca, dacă vrei să renunți (din motive întemeiate), să o faci ori după primul semestru, ori după ce se încheie sesiunea de vară și să prinzi direct admiterile din lunile iulie și septembrie. E mai bine să menții ritmul învățatului chiar dacă ai plecat de la o facultate. Dar dacă vrei să rămâi un an acasă și să te odihnești sau să te vindeci din diferite puncte de vedere GĂSEȘTE-ȚI CEVA CU CARE SĂ ÎȚI OCUPI TIMPUL ȘI NU STA ÎN CASĂ!

Niciodată nu e prea târziu pentru nimic – Nu sună neapărat a sfat, însă e un lucru care mie îmi dă un imbold de speranță și motivație. Trăiam mereu cu teama că, vai mie, dacă încep încă o facultate, nu voi mai fi așa tânără când absolv, nu voi mai putea să îmi ating scopurile etc. Dar asta e cea mai mare prostie. Niciodată nu e prea târziu să o iei de la capăt, să încerci ceva nou și să ai succes. Sunt atâtea exemple de personalități care au ajuns unde și-au dorit chiar și la 50, 60 de ani. Nu te lăsa influențat de faptul că cineva are succes la 23 sau la 18 ani. Fiecare avem ritmul nostru de a evolua și fiecare persoană va ajunge unde își dorește până la urmă. Nu te forța și mergi în ritmul tău. Împlinirea va fi pe măsura așteptărilor.

Dacă ai probleme cu motivația, stima de sine, sau alte probleme mai mari, consultă neapărat un doctor sau psiholog – nici nu cred că trebuie să menționez de ce acest lucru îți va fi benefic. “

That was all she wrote!~

Vă mulțumesc mult pentru că ați citit aceste rânduri și mulțumesc sincer pentru susținerea acordată!~

Pe data viitoare!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

De ce am renunțat la facultate și de ce ar trebui să o faci și tu (2)

“Bine ai revenit! Am decis în sfârșit să continui acest articol că, iată-mă în 2020 și eu tot nu am scris nimic încă pe blog. Ups…

În prima parte a acestei “povești” de viață v-am povestit puțin rezumatul scurtei mele aventuri în cadrul facultății, iar acum vă voi povesti mai pe larg toate detaliile și toate motivele care m-au făcut să plec de la facultatea aceasta mâncând pământul.

expatro.blogspot.com

Primele săptămâni la Cluj au fost de vis. M-am îndrăgostit de orașul ăsta încă din ziua în care am mers pentru prima dată la pregătirile pentru admitere. Nu știu dacă au mai avut și alții sentimentul acesta, dar atunci când ajungi pe dealul Feleacului și vezi imaginea Clujului întinzându-se ca o plăcintă în fața ochilor, zici că ai ajuns pe altă planetă.

Și într-adevăr te simți ca pe altă planetă. Totul e așa divers, oamenii sunt așa de faini, ai atâtea oportunități de care să profiți, dar ce m-a șocat cel mai tare era că nu se uită nimeni la tine pe stradă ca la semafor dacă ești îmbrăcat în vreun fel anume.

Urma să trăiesc o viață interesantă în cămin (adevărata viață de student, cum se spune), să cunosc oameni noi și tot tacâmul. Și în primele săptămâni chiar am ajuns să cred că m-am îngrijorat degeaba. Nu era foarte ușor, dar nici extrem de greu ca să spun că muream încet (sau poate entuziasmul bobocului mai atenua din simptome, nu știu) și colectivul din grupa de chineză era atât de grozav, încât chiar ajunsem să îmi pară rău că plec de la facultate știind că nu voi mai avea așa oameni faini în jur.

Sinceră să fiu, orarul cam anapoda, cursurile suprapuse și schimbările de ambient m-au luat puțin pe sus și mi-a luat ceva să îmi găsesc echilibrul, mai ales fiind obișnuită să merg 5 minute pe jos și să fiu deja la școală. Acum lucrurile erau puțin mai diferite.

Momentul când am început să îmi pierd din entuziasm cu o viteză mare a fost atunci când am început să cunosc mai bine profesorii și stilul lor de predare. Și vă spun foarte serios și fără să exagerez, am fost destul de dezamăgită de unele atitudini… Ca să o spun elegant, energiile unora nu se potriveau cu energiile mele. Puteam număra pe degete cursurile care erau într-adevăr plăcute. Dar fiind un bobocel naiv și speriat, mă duceam la toate cursurile fără să chiulesc de la vreunul, chiar dacă asta însemna să nu mănânc aproape nimic într-o zi, neavând o pauză de masă bine definită…

Ceea ce simțisem, însă, în momentul în care mă înscrisesem la facultate, am început să simt din ce în ce mai mult după nici o lună de când începusem cursurile: Nu îmi găseam locul și nu înțelegeam ce caut acolo. Mă simțeam ca și cum eram într-un labirint și nu mai găseam ieșirea.

Poate știți, poate nu știți, în evantaiul de materii pe care le studiezi la specializările pe care le-ai ales la litere, să spunem că 50% dintre ele se bazează pe literatură, filozofie (sau “inteligență seculară” cum îmi place mie să o numesc) și alte elemente mai mici sau mai mari care sunt cuprinse în materiile de trunchi comun.

Țin să vă spun că am o gândire destul de simplă și realistă. Nu văd rostul filozofiei (în special cea contemporană) în viață. Și nu o spun ca să jignesc preferințele cuiva. Nu, nici gând. Doar că eu prefer să iau totul așa cum e, fără să complic prea mult ceea ce mi se dă. Însă această gândire a mea, incapabilă de a procesa unele idei mai “abstracte”, a ajuns să mă facă să mă simt ca o proastă. Părea că toată lumea din jurul meu înțelegea tot și doar eu am picat ca o fraieră în mijlocul unor oameni care vorbesc o limbă complet diferită de cea pe care o vorbesc eu. Iar atitudinea unora ca răspuns la panica mea, mi-a confirmat ceea ce simțeam.

Tind să cred că studenții din acea facultate sunt împărțiți în două părți: cei care știu ce vor și le place ce au ales și cei care habar n-au ce caută acolo. Corectați-mă dacă greșesc. Eu făceam parte din a doua categorie.

Mindful.org

Încet, încet materia se aduna tot mai mult și nu știam cum să mă organizez, iar cerințele începeau să fie puțin cam exagerate din unele părți și nu aveam timp să țin pasul cu ambele limbi străine. Așa că am început să cedez nervos din ce în ce mai des. Ajunsem chiar să plâng în fiecare seară când mă întorceam la cămin și mă ascundeam pe nu știu unde ca să nu mă vadă nimeni. Și e cam jalnic să povestesc asta, dar ăsta e adevărul.

Cred că faptul că am avut-o pe prietena mea cea mai bună în aceeași cameră a fost și este principalul motiv pentru care am putut rezista atâta timp acolo. Și încă sunt recunoscătoare pentru asta.

Știu că sunt multe persoane care se descurcă bine cu programul facultății acesteia și cărora le place ceea ce fac. Nici nu știu cum să le spun cât de mult le admir, dar vreau să subliniez din nou faptul că nu încerc să fac reclama proastă nimănui. Doar vreau să prezint punctul meu de vedere.

Prima sesiune mi-a adus și prima dezamăgire, o restanță frumușică, la o materie pe cât de grea, pe atât de inutilă… Și na… nici restanța n-am luat-o, am luat-o în schimb pe derdelușul dezamăgirii și mergeam în jos de credeam că nu mă mai pot opri. Dar m-a consolat gândul că primul hop a trecut și că de acum încolo urma să fie mai bine.

Din păcate totul a început să meargă și mai rău. În semestrul doi am dat de alte greutăți, motivația și stima de sine îmi erau la pământ și de-a dreptul am ajuns să nu mă mai duc la aproape nici un curs, ci doar să stau acasă și să dorm (sau să plâng). Unii profesori chiar au crezut la un moment dat că am renunțat la facultate. Cred că pot să spun fără să îmi fie jenă că semnele depresiei ce se ascundeau de câțiva ani în mine, au ieșit mai mult la suprafață.

Și partea cea mai urâtă din toate aceste evenimente era că aveam remușcări imense din cauză că devenisem o leneșă de ultimă clasă. Sufeream mult din cauză că nu aveam timp să fac ceva ce îmi place, ceva care să îmi aducă satisfacție. Stătea aparatul foto în dulap și mi-era oarecum să ies să fotografiez ceva din cauză că mă simțeam prost că nu îmi termin ce am de învățat pentru facultate, dar pe de altă parte îmi era silă să învăț toate acele lucruri care nu mă mai interesau nici măcar un pic. Așa s-a creat un cerc vicios al frustrărilor mele care mă țineau doar în vârful patului fără să fac nimic productiv.

Sesiunea de vară… a fost un chin. Și acum am impresia că perioada aceea a durat mai mult de o lună. Parcă durase patru luni. Căldura nu ne lăsa să ne odihnim cum trebuie, fiind la ultimul etaj al căminului, iar peste zi era și mai rău. Nu te puteai concentra nicicum ca să înveți. Iar eu, pe atunci, eram deja și indiferentă situației, dar și agitată pe de altă parte din cauza examenelor. Nu mă așteptasem la rezultate bune și nici nu le-am primit. Deja simțeam că acelea aveau să fie ultimele momente ale mele în acea facultate…”

That was all she wrote!~

Mulțumesc pentru că ați citit acest articol și rămâneți pe fază pentru următoarea parte. Până atunci, va îmbrățișez pe toți!

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

DO’s and DON’Ts for a healthy voice (II)

Welcome back, my dears. I couldn’t wait to write the second part of this article, so here it is. Enjoy.

In the previous article I told you some things you have to do and what you shouldn’t drink and eat, today I’ll write about some bad habits that can end your career as a future singer.

But before talking about that you have to know that you should:

Avoid eating spicy foods, especially in the evening

 Yes, I’m talking about eating again. And I understand that this is a frustrating thing about singing. I am a huge fan of spicy flavors and foods and this one was a bit difficult for me to get rid of. Even though I don’t have problems with my stomach, extremely spicy foods eaten often and in huge amounts create that thing when you burp and you feel like some acidulous liquid comes back.  (I’m not a doctor, don’t judge me.) That affects the vocal chords and can lead to inflammation and irritation or even worse problems. Fat foods are also associated with spicy food and, again, produces lots of phlegm…

 At the end of this article you may ask me “So, Bianca, what should I eat? Am I going to starve?” No, no, don’t worry, salads and fruits with high percentage of water will forever be your friends. #BFF

Don’t sing when you have a flu

source: BioSpace.com

 If your throat is irritated and you have all those symptoms of painful and irritated throat, you shouldn’t sing at all. It will only make your voice even more irritated and it can cause damage. Get some rest and drink lots of hot drinks like tea with lemon or honey. 

Don’t clear your throat

I found this recently and I was dumbfounded because it is something I do ALL THE TIME, especially when it’s raining outside or the humidity level is high. And if you think more about it, it’s no wonder it is bad for your voice.  And it is not even helping at all. The more you clear your throat, the more phlegm your body produces. So try to resist the temptation! You can do it! From now on, you can only “ahem” in writing.

 There is, however, an alternative that is “voice-friendly”. Go check this video out and say thanks to Freya Casey for showing this to us!

Let that sneeze out

We’ve all been there, in a silent situation and out of the blue, a sneeze tries to sneak out. Let it out. Closing your mouth while sneezing just because you don’t want to make a sound not only has a bad impact on your brain, it puts a huge pressure on your vocal chords and it may cause inflammation.

Learn how to sing without tension in your voice

 We’ve all been there. We were nervous because of a future performance or we just don’t have a proper technique to use while singing and that leads to some tense muscles in your throat that don’t do anything good to you, it just strangles your vocal chords and gives you a hard time and pain while singing. I can’t tell you how you can do this because, as I said, I’m not a professional, but you can ask some teacher about this or just check this youtube video:

Don’t shout/whisper

 Shouting while talking or singing puts a huge pressure on your vocal chords and that can lead to serious problems like vocal nodules and you can get rid of those only by surgery. Auch. We don’t want that.

 Whispering is what we do when we try to “protect” our voices. Guess what, it will damage your voice even more than normal speaking. Why? Because when a singer does that they are “squeezing their vocal chords together more tightly to produce the whisper, which is more traumatic” as Dr. Adam D. Rubin said in a study. 

Don’t force your voice if it’s not a “proper” day for singing

 This comes from me. I don’t know if you can find this kind of advice on the internet, but maybe this will help you. If you feel like something’s not okay when you sing and you can’t concentrate on your breathing and singing is painful, don’t continue to force it even more. Even if you do warming exercises first. I used to do that and now I have some work to do to repair what I destroyed. It’s not worth it.

 Also, if you are angry and you know you can’t relax while singing, don’t even think about it. Don’t sing, don’t do anything music related. Let’s make some musical math here (okay, this sounds stupid) to show you why you should not sing if you are a huge volcano:

  You are angry + You start singing= You sing with tension

  You sing with tension + You can’t concentrate on proper and healthy technique = You become even angrier.

 You become angrier + Your voice isn’t “listening” to you = You get revenge by shouting (am I the only one doing this?)

 And the final result is: ERROR 404:  VOICE NOT FOUND… for several days…

Just… don’t… really. Have mercy on your voice and leave it alone when you’re angry.

Don’t force yourself with difficult songs without proper warming and singing techniques

  I know we all want to be a Celine Dion, Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston at some point… or at least half of them. It isn’t impossible. But if you try to achieve their vocal range and ability without proper technique and without even warming your voice first (WHICH IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. You always do some warming exercises before singing. It’s a MUST)… you’re not going to reach there ever.

 Find songs that suit your vocal range so as not to shout and strangle your voice while trying to sing those alien-high or lava-low notes (what am I writing here? Someone just take my laptop, these people will think I’m insane).  Start with easier songs and only with small steps choose some high level songs. Patience can lead you to places you won’t believe.

Last but not least, even if you think that this was enough or not, but you want to learn more and you really want to take the microphone in your hands and hear the standing ovations on the stage or in your house, Take some singing classes because a professional knows better than anyone what it is okay for your voice.  It is the best option for an aspiring singer.  A teacher studied a lot to help others so they know everything that can happen in the process of mastering the art of singing.

 You can also try those online lessons you see promoted on platforms, but, to be honest, I’m a bit skeptical about how much a person 3000 km away can help you improve your skills. Face-to-face singing lessons may be a bit more expensive but at least you’ll now that your voice is in good hands and there’s no chance of destroying it even more. You can go to a music academy or arts school and I’m pretty sure you can find qualified teachers that can help you a lot.

  Good luck, my artists and thank you for reading this article! May your voice have a great mood every day!”

That was all she wrote.~

I really hope this article helped you and I can’t wait to see what you think about it!~

Hugs and kisses!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

DO’s and DON’Ts for a healthy voice (I)

“Hey, guys! It’s been a while since I wrote something on my blog and also since I sang, but because today my voice wasn’t in the “mood” for singing, here I am, writing a new article for you. These words weren’t planned to be written (especially not today) but when the light bulb lights up, I have to start writing.

 As I said, my voice isn’t in shape lately and that’s because it’s been more than a month since I sang more than just two songs and I just thought that maybe some of you would like to know some tips for having a healthy voice… things that I learned the hard way, unfortunately, and I still learn.

Anyway, I have to say that I am not a professional singer nor a vocal coach but what I’m writing here it’s a bunch of things I heard from music teachers, singers and vocal coaches.

  So here is my “little” list of DO’s and DON’Ts for a healthy voice.

Sing every single day.

 Vocal chords are muscles and just like you have to go to gym often to stay in shape, you have to sing every day, for at least 30 minutes, not to lose it. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose your range and ability to do runs and other… you know… singing things.

Sleep a lot and be well-rested

source: sciencenordic.com

 Sleep is essential not only for your brain and body to function properly but for your voice too. I always have a hoarse voice if I don’t sleep enough or I feel like there’s gravel in my voice. (Rihanna reference, got that? hehe) But I tend to sleep a lot. I mean… I can sleep for 5 or 15 hours; there’s no in between. So if you want to rock the stage, take a long trip to the Land of Dreams first.

Drink water and drink water

This is funny. And you know why? Because I tell you, guys, that you have to drink a lot of water but for me there can be two days in a row of not drinking anything. In this case I am an example of “Don’t try it at home”. Your brain and kidneys need water and if your body is hydrated, your voice is happy and ready for work. Many people suggest that the first thing you should do in the morning after you wake up is to drink a big glass of water because it will give you a bit of energy. And you’ll be amazed to see that it is true.

Try to avoid drinking too much coffee, alcohol or carbonated drinks

Coffee, the magic potion that drives (some) people crazy and makes them irremediably fall in love with it… weeeell, it’s not good for your voice. Sorry to make you “depresso”… I have to quit making this bad jokes…

Coffee not only affects your heart and your nervous system, making you more anxious and agitated, it leads to dehydration. You can search online to see how caffeine affects your health and how many things can improve in your lifestyle if you drink it less often or not at all. (But I can say that you’ll sleep better so you’ll do well one of the things up on the list. You’re welcome.)

Alcohol makes your muscles in your throat contract and this may badly affect your vocal range and you already know that carbonated drinks create a discomfort while drinking them. So you may think again if you want to say “wine not?”.

Smoke and drugs are a big NO-NO

Do you want to hear a funny story? I almost died intoxicated with cigarettes’ smoke… Okay this is a little too dramatic, but I almost lost consciousness because of it. And not because I tried smoking… Maybe I’ll die for real if I do that. I happened to be in a place where all the people around me were smoking a lot. (Imagine a huge curtain of smoke and somewhere, in a corner, me, coughing and running for my life out of the room.) If you think about it now, it is not a very funny story, is it? I don’t know how you all react to the smell of smoke, but even if it is just a bit of it around me, I instantly start coughing, my throat stings like someone is trying to cut it from the inside and if I inhale a lot of smoke, I temporarily lose my voice.

 No matter what others say about the use of any kind of cigarettes (classic, electronic or whatever the kind have been invented till now), cigarettes WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOUR VOICE. It is true that some singers smoke to make their voice sound husky but even if you try to “control” your smoking “schedule”, it will still affect your voice (especially your vocal range and breathing ability) and health in a negative way. Of course, you have the right to do whatever you want, but why risking losing your voice 20 years earlier when you can just enjoy singing? Just saying. ^^

 I think I don’t have to say why drugs aren’t good, right? Okay, you got it, next.

Keep the balance between moist and dry air

I know this sounds like it’s a caprice rich people are talking about when they meet to drink some tea in a fancy restaurant, but it is not.

I used to have a very hoarse voice in the morning (and sometimes I could feel a little bit of painful discomfort around my vocal chords) because the air in my room was too dry and I sometimes sleep laying on my back, and, of course, involuntarily, I sleep with my mouth open and in the morning Sahara desert has a party in my throat. Yay…

 This Christmas, though, my mom bought me a humidifier and, trust me, it is miraculous. I strongly suggest you buy one too. It is not expensive, you can find lots of humidifiers with different designs, sizes and colors that can suit your taste and it will be a good friend to your voice. ^^

Be careful with milk

Milk is a huge enemy for singers, especially before singing. In my case, it makes my voice slip like skates on ice. I always feel like something gets stuck on my vocal chords and I just can’t get rid of it. Milk stresses your vocal chords and it also produces huge amounts of phlegm that won’t let you sing high notes easily. Avoid drinking milk, eating butter, cheese, ice cream and even bananas before a performance or rehearsal.  You’ll save a lot of time so you can sing and practice more instead of trying to reverse the effects milk has on your vocal chords. Sweets like chocolate also produce lots of phlegm.

So this is the first part. I though that it is better to write this in two parts because if I just say everything in one article it would be too much (or boring) and if you see how many things you shouldn’t really eat and drink, you’ll think that I’m making you, guys, go on a diet.

Okay, enough with all the words, Bianca, you’ll lose your readers if you talk too much. ^^”

That was all she wrote!~

See you next time, and thanks a lot for reading this. I love you all and I hope you had and still have an amazing Christmas holiday!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Hello, world!

“This is me, extremely excited about this new project I’ve just launched.

My name is Bianca Chiș, and I am an aspiring writer and photographer based in Sighișoara, Romania.

I usually don’t really like to introduce myself, I don’t know why, but it is not really my hobby to do so.

I really like to sing and draw and… long story short, I am an art freak.

I am an university student, I study languages in Cluj-Napoca and since my first year of this new crazy ride, I decided to launch a personal project to help me get out of my comfort zone. I’ve made little steps but till now, I’ve seen some quite interesting results. And this is another step I want to make.

So I thought: Why shouldn’t I help others while I help myself too?

I am a very complicated person (I mean, we all are, right?) and I want to develop myself more with each day that passes.

And that was the moment when it hit me (and this was only 30 minutes before I started writing this): I will help others cope with everyday life, problems and any other things that make our lives less fun, while I help myself grow too. So we all will start this journey together.

We will talk about art, problems, everything you guys want to know and we’ll have fun!~

I just have to warn you… I don’t know how to use less than 100 words. I’ll work on this. “

That was all she wrote~

Till next time, have a wonderful time!~ (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

Fugă spre nicăieri

“Bună seara, dragi cititori!~ Iaca scriu după ani de zile și în limba română, că ne mai si obosesc toate englezismele astea.

Astăzi nu vă povestesc nimic despre mine, ci vreau să împart cu voi o lucrare pe care am scris-o acum câteva zile. Am încercat pentru prima dată să scriu, în mod serios, o poveste folosindu-mă de o fotografie și veți vedea mai jos ce a ieșit. Lectură plăcută!~

În urma noastră se auzi o bubuitură puternică care făcu să se zguduie pământul sub picioarele tuturor celor care încercau din greu să scape de pericol. Inima-mi se zbătea violent în piept și toată făptura mea părea că arde în cele mai cumplite focuri, însă mintea îmi era amorțită cum nu credeam că va fi vreodată. Izbiturile grenadelor continuau să se audă din ce în ce mai afundat, precum și țipetele disperate ale mamei mele și a celorlalți zeci de oameni din urma noastră care căutau scăparea.

Mă uitam mereu în spate. La fiecare zece pași șchiopătați, acompaniați de plânsete și respirații sacadate, mă uitam înapoi. Căutam disperat cu privirea, prin mulțimea de oameni înghesuiți, pe tatăl și pe sora mea mai mică. În iadul acela nu mai aveam nici un reper temporal. Părea că alergam de ore întregi și că nu i-am mai văzut pe tatăl și sora mea de câteva zile.

Speranța că îi voi revedea îmi pierea cu fiecare clipă, dar continuam să mă uit în spate, în ciuda suspinelor disperate ale mamei care mă îndemna să continui fuga. Preț de o clipă, ochii mi se opriră asupra privirii ei. Ochii ei care continuau să verse lacrimi… dar nu de frica morții sau a faptului că nu se va putea salva. În acei ochi împăinejeniți de durere zăcea doar teama pentru mine. În acel moment în care toți oamenii se gândesc cum să își salveze propria-și piele, ea se îngrijora ca eu să nu rămân în urmă, să nu fiu rănit. Cât de mult altruism există în inima unei mamei, ca să poată privi moartea în ochi, îngrijorându-se în continuare de bunăstarea copiilor ei…            

Toată amorțeala dispăru in acel moment și simțeam cum sute de cuțite îmi săgetau pieptul. Începusem să gem precum o fiară, iuțind pasul și apucând încheietura firavă a mamei cu putere, trăgând-o după mine. Trebuia… trebuia cu orice preț să o salvez… să nu îi arăt că aproape am renunțat la această bătălie.

Țipetele se întețiră atunci când o clădire începuse a se prăbuși în spatele nostru și brusc se opriră, la fel și fuga noastră oarbă. Nu voiam să mă uit în spate. Nu voiam ca gândul straniu ce îmi trecuse prin cap ca un fulger să fie dovedit drept adevăr. Însă vântul rece, plin de praf, care ne învălui precum o ceață groasă fu martorul unui eveniment  cutremurător care lăsă în urmă și mai mult amar. Nu mai vedeam nimic în urma noastră, însă faptul că ne-am înjumătățit în doar câteva secunde mă făcea să tremur.

Pașii grei ai soldaților ne împietriseră pe toți, o liniște ca de mormând stăpânindu-ne preț de câteva minute. Niște urlete cadențate și grave spărgeau tăcerea, iar eu, împreună cu alți câțiva oameni, m-am trântit pe genunchi. Se căutau supraviețuitori. Însă nu pentru a-i salva. Nu erau buni samariteni. Erau cei care de ani de zile tulburau inimile tuturor celor care trăiau în țara asta. Cei care au înlocuit personajele antagoniste din poveștile pentru copii cu bestii însetate de sângele și suferința celor fără apărare. Și pentru ce? Pentru mândria conducătorilor acestor sălbatici cu mască de civilizați, decorați cu cât mai multe tinichele și lăudați pentru nimicirea a mii de vieți. Pentru săturarea poftei de moarte a celor ce și-au trădat frații și s-au răzvrătit împotriva propriilor mame și care acum trăiesc mai rău ca animalele. Iar noi? Noi suntem doar pionii care sunt mișcați de colo-colo și nimiciți precum insectele. Fără să ne putem proteja. Fără a avea un cuvânt de zis. 

M-am aplecat tot mai mult, palma mea simțind ceva moale în acea groapă de moloz care ne camufla. Am apucat acel obiect moale cu palma și l-am tras încet spre mine. Era o păpușă făcută din cârpe. O păpușă care zăcea pe un pat de cartușe goale… nu pe un pat de paie și iarbă uscată, așa cum surioara mea obișnuia să își adoarmă păpușile ce i le făceam în zilele când mă întorceam de la câmp. Tot pământul cât puteai vedea cu ochii era acoperit de gloanțe și cartușe ce formau un model amețitor prin mărimile și culoarea lor de un aur murdar.

Ăsta  era drumul pe care îl lăsam copiilor. O cale plină de sânge, gloanțe și amărăciune. Nu soare, nu iarbă verde și cântece. Doar lungi dâre ale unor ruine ce aveau cândva forma unui destin luminos… Am distrus și ultima fărâmă de speranță pentru ei. Am șters viața și am înlocuit-o cu un coșmar care părea că nu se va mai termina niciodată. Am strâns păpușa aceea la piept și lacrimi au început să îmi curgă pe obraz, ajungându-mi pe zgârieturile de pe față.

Am strâns din pumni, am pus păpușa în ce a mai rămas din buzunarul de la piept și am continuat drumul. Nu mai vedeam nimic în fața ochilor, dar știam că trebuie să izbutesc a scăpa din iadul ăsta. Pentru mama… pentru noi toți.

Începea a se însera iar frigul făcea ca durerea să fie și mai usturătoare. Vântul nemilos tăia pielea plină de zgârieturi și răni adânci, iar înaintarea devenea din ce în ce mai dificilă.

Chiar când credeam că nu mai e nici o speranță, un șuierat lung fulgeră orizontul. Ne-am uitat în toate părțile și apoi am văzut scăparea. Trenul. Era o minune! Un licăr de lumină în negura acestor zile… Eram salvați!

Am strâns-o și mai puternic pe mama de mână. Nici unul dintre cei rămași nu mai avea putere de a continua, însă la vederea acelei fărâme de speranță, parcă am primit forțe supranaturale. Am început din nou să fugim pentru a putea urca în vagoanele acelui marfar cât de repede cu putință, iar spre mirarea mea, trenul nu părea că vrea să pornească. Bucuria continua să îmi crească la fiecare pas făcut spre izbândă.

Încet, trenul începu să se pună în mișcare, iar în noi se cuibări din nou teama. Am alergat cât mai repede până ce eu și alți câțiva bărbați am reușit să ne suim în unul din vagoanele goale, ca mai apoi să îi putem ajuta și pe ceilalți. Pe fața mamei se întinse un zâmbet timid care păli pe cât de repede apăruse.

Ochii mei rămăseseră pironiți la schimbarea feței ei, acompaniată de un zgomot scurt care o făcuse pe mama să cadă la pământ. Am strigat cât m-au ținut plămânii, fiind pregătit să sar din tren, dar mama, cu ultima picătură de putere, îmi făcu semn cu mâna să rămân acolo. Nici unul din cei rămași nu mai apucaseră să se salveze. Au căzut cu toții la pământ, secerați de armele rebelilor.

Am rămas cu capul aplecat spre șine… Nu mai avea rost… Am eșuat în a o salva pe mama… Am fost atât de egoist încât să o las în urmă… Priveam în gol cum iarba forma linii lungi în mișcarea tot mai rapidă a trenului. Ajunserăm pe un pod înalt, iar eu m-am ridicat în capul oaselor, privind orizontul întunecat. M-am apropiat de marginea vagonului, fiind pregătit să devin pierdut. O mână puternică însă mă trase în spate și mă trânti la pământ.

„Trăiește măcar pentru cei morți!” au fost cuvintele pe care le-am auzit de la cel care mă trase înapoi. Am răcnit cu putere și m-am ridicat, năpustindu-mă asupra acelui individ și apucându-l de gulerul cămășii sale rupte. Pumnii îmi erau încleștați și eram pregătit să îl distrug în bătaie pentru că mă salvase. M-am calmat, însă, și m-am ridicat, uitându-mă pe rând la fețele speriate ale celorlalți patru bărbați care se uitau lung la mine. M-am depărtat de ei și, precum o tornadă, m-am îndreptat spre un alt vagon, urcându-mă apoi de acoperișul acestuia. M-am uitat lung la cerul care se întindea deasupra mea. Un cer atât de calm în comparație cu atrocitățile care au zdruncinat liniștea tuturor.

M-am întins pe spate și am scos păpușa din buzunar. Cred că începusem să am halucinații. Aveam impresia că simt miros de scorțișoară arsă. Exact același miros precum lumânările pe care le primeam de Crăciun de la misionarii care veneau până odinioară la noi în țară, aducându-ne tot felul de lucruri nemaivăzute de noi până atunci. De la ei am primit prima mea bonetă de o culoare albastră precum cobaltul, iar mama câteva lumânări cu miros de mere și scorțișoară pe care le aprindea doar la ocazii speciale, pentru a nu le consuma prea devreme.

Am oftat adânc și am strâns păpușa la piept. Am închis ochii și am văzut-o pe mama, iar cu imaginea ei adormisem.

Zgomotul asurzitor al gloanțelor mă făcură să tresar, însă nu mă puteam mișca. Rebelii ajunseră la tren, ucigând probabil și ultimii supraviețuitori care se ascundeau prin vagoane. Trenul încă se mișca, iar eu rămăsesem tot neclintit, încerând să îmi controlez respirația pentru a nu mă da de gol. Cred că au trecut câteva momente bune până am avut curajul de a mă ridica în șezut, după ce mă asigurasem că nu mai era nimeni. Și chiar nu mai era nimeni prin jur. Am rămas singur… singur călătorind spre un loc necunoscut.

Soarele începea să lumineze încet cerul, o ceață groasă așternându-se ca o cortină înfiorătoare peste pajiștea în care mă aflam. Nu puteam vedea nimic… nu mă puteam aștepta la nimic. Am lăsat în urmă moartea și mă îndreptam spre cine știe ce alte ținuturi întunecate de blestemul războiului. Ce putea fi mai rău ca moartea în momentul ăsta? Ce putea distruge un om mai mult decât vina care îi roade oasele și i le sfărâmă puțin câte puțin, mușcând din carne, făcând sângele să zvâcnească în vene și corpul să se frângă până la disperare?

Moartea mai era singura oază de liniște din acea lume… Și totuși nu puteam să îndrăznesc să mă uit spre șinele trenului sau spre vreun ochi de apă în care să mă pot arunca și să mă fac pulbere. Voiam doar să plâng. Să plâng și să zbier până îmi dau ultima suflare. Până când sunetul disperat al vocii mele face ca și pământul să tremure și să acopere ruinele acestei lumi… Dar am început să cânt cu o voce gravă și stinsă.

Să cânt un cântec care probabil va muri odată cu mine… Un cântec pentru a-mi aminti ce s-a întâmplat… Un cântec pentru a uita…“

That was all she wrote…

Cindy’s travel journal

“Hello, my dear readers. I know you couldn’t wait for me to post something new on my blog. He he. Today I’m posting one of the articles I’ve been preparing for some time and I am very happy I can finally share it with you.

I don’t know if some of you remember, but I said in my previous articles that I am terrified of the idea of new places and traveling alone. Some time ago I had a long talk with my best-friend about this fear we both have. That was the moment the idea for this article popped in my head. But I had a problem… How can I help others like me get over this fear if I never went overseas myself? Then I remembered a good friend of mine that loves traveling and she’s been to so many places.

So I texted this friend of mine and asked her if she could give us some advice to cure this fear and she was happy to share with us her experiences.

Source: Cindy’s personal colletion

Meet Cindy Ong! She’s a travel lover from Singapore and I met her a few years ago during an English Camp I was a volunteer at in my hometown. We bonded so quickly and we’ve been in touch ever since, even if we’re thousands of kilometers apart.

Her firends describe her as independent, free-spirited, daring, adventurous and fun. I have to add that she is also a great friend and so, so lovely.

Cindy visited lots of places and made friends everywhere, so I was very curious to know how her first traveling experience was and how she coped with possible difficult situations.

She told me that her first trip overseas was in 2008 when she went on a six-week Europe trip with a friend of hers. They were in Paris at some point and one morning her friend decided to spend the day on her own and told Cindy to do the same so they can have some alone time.

source: Cindy’s personal collection

The idea was frightening for my friend, as she told me: “Frankly, I felt a little hurt as I thought I must be such a lousy company that she needed time away from me, and so I consented with a smile so as to give her space. Inside me, I was lost; not exactly petrified but certainly scared.“

Imagine being alone in a foreign land, miles away from home and no idea what to do. That was what Cindy thought as well… but eventually she mustered up her courage and started to plan her day. She marched toward her battle, armed with the best weapon: a tourist map. She visited some places and since that moment, her life changed.

All this new experience helped her see travelling alone from a very different point of view. She now loves the freedom of coming and going anywhere as she pleases and also she can enjoy any opportunity that comes along her way.

Since she’s been visiting so many countries I asked her what are the pros and cons of traveling alone. She told me one of the main advantage is that everything is on her terms and schedule: she visits anything she wants to see, she goes where she wants to, and eats what she wants to. In other words, she can do anything she thinks of without having to consider another person’s preferences.

source: Cindy’s personal collection

She’s not really alone though. Her friendly personality helps her find new friends anywhere she goes.

The disadvantage is that you sometimes eat alone, even though she doesn’t necessarily thinks of it as a bad thing since she can create priceless memories with strangers she won’t ever see again or she can create beautiful friendships that last.

As we all know, anything related to traveling comes with unexpected events or funny situations, especially when we talk about the “first” trip. So I asked Cindy what was the most memorable experience she had. She told me there were so many since every place she went to holds special memories in her heart, but one of them was like taken out of a novel.

On that same Europe trip in 2008, after the solo adventure she had in Paris, she was already in love with traveling on her own, so after she and her friend visited Croatia, she decided to stay there longer and meet her friend a few days later in Budapest.

She traveled the East Coast of Croatia, did some yachting, kayaking and enjoyed the amazing food and landscapes… so much that she lost her purse with all her money and bank cards and also her boat ticket back to the mainland. She could also miss her upcoming flight to Budapest if it hadn’t been for the kind people that helped her a lot to get through that mess.

That was the moment she developed a soft spot for Croatians as she told me: “They may have a hard exterior but they are totally reliable good people. And this got me even more hooked on travelling.”

In the end, I asked her what she would advice someone who is afraid of the unknown and traveling alone to do and she gave me the best answer:

“Start small. Go somewhere nearby, on a weekend trip or like myself get lost for a few hours to test the waters. Solo travelling may not be for everyone and it is okay if it is not your cuppa tea. After all we are all made different and unique.”

Reading this little traveling guide Cindy gave us, I realized something. Being scared will keep you home. Getting out of your box will take you places.

Thank you so much Cindy for helping me write this article. I am pretty sure this will help many people. For me, at least, your advice really gave me more courage to try new things.

Thank you, guys, for reading this article and see you soon. Down below you can see more pictures from Cindy’s trips. ^^”

That was all she wrote!~

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Cover image source: sostravel.com