“Hello and welcome back.
I’ve been preparing this article for a long time and I didn’t really know when to publish it because I didn’t really feel like the time was right when I started it. But since I cope with my first ever break-up, I decided to write about a few red flags I encountered in all my interactions with boys and men. I can’t lie, I have a pretty big collection.
Red flags are always the things we use not to pay attention too much when we meet someone and fall in love with them. We also tend to put them on a high pedestal and choose not to pay attention to those little things that bother us, naively making ourselves believe that he’ll change because of our love.
It’s true that there are men who are self-aware and will choose to change their bad habits so that their relationship can work. But it’s not that easy to find such a man. Most of the times we encounter people who are so stuck in their bad habits that they can’t be saved by others but themselves.
Here are some red flags that you should avoid in men:
1. He drinks too much
This is probably my biggest turn-off when it comes to men. Drinking and being proud of it is a trend among nowadays men. They can’t do anything without drinking first: partying, having fun, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against drinking something when you go out. But don’t exaggerate with alcohol.
Alcohol abuse is not a red flag only in men, but also in women. And it’s very difficult to get rid of an alcohol addiction. Alcohol addiction can lead not only to serious health issues in the future, but it can also transform a good person into a violent one. Choose carefully what man you want to commit to.
2. He has no friends
Sounds like a stupid thing to put on this list? It isn’t. And you can come and tell me that there are people who’re on the introverted side and it’s more difficult for them to make friends. I agree. It’s difficult for introverts to make friends, but they do have friends.
If you meet a man who has little to no social life outside of his job and family, ask yourself the most important question: WHY?
Is he really so introverted that he can’t talk to people? No? Then there should be something else. Maybe…
3. He’s too arrogant and full of himself. He takes pleasure in looking down on people
You might not observe this at first since some people know how to play this card in their favor. You might also overlook those little “brutally honest” or “innocent” comments he throws here and there about other people.
Of course, we can’t like and stand all the people around us. But when someone can’t stop judging others and looking down on them… Try to think twice before starting a relationship with a man like that.
4. The only way he knows how to joke is by humiliating you
This goes hand in hand with the one I wrote above. And these two characteristics are strongly linked to a low self-esteem. It’s not necessary to feel inferior to everyone around you when you have a low self-esteem. There are people who actually start humiliating others just to create the false impression that they’re better than others.
Many men hide this under little jokes they make here and there, at first only hitting a tender spot, then continuing to intensify the inappropriate comments disguised in “jokes”. And, of course, when you tell them they hurt you, they’ll just shut your mouth with a simple “you have no sense of humour” or “I’m just joking. Why are you so serious?”
5. He’s not in a good relationship with his emotions
I’ve met a guy last year that chose to turn off his emotions any time he encountered a difficult time… And that was pretty much all the time. He chose, however, to get out all those negative emotions through heavy drinking or through activities that could put his life in danger. At some point I felt so uneasy around him, that I felt like I was sitting next to a timed bomb.
A man who can’t control his emotions and chooses to turn them off will always be a timed bomb and won’t have a feel of responsibility. And when he explodes, you will be the first victim. You are not a hospital for men with emotional problems. There are psychologists for that.
6. He love bombs you and then the next day he acts like you don’t exist
As many of us already know, love bombing is never a good sign. He tells you you’re beautiful from the first moment he sees you, he tells you how much you mean to him, how good you make him feel, he even starts making plans before putting a label on what’s happening between you two.
It’s very easy for you to fall into this trap and think that he is serious about you two, and that he’ll do all the things he says he will. Yes, we love a man who thinks about future plans with their partner… WHEN THEY’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. If you haven’t decided yet what kind of relationship you have but he already makes plans, run. Run as fast as you can. After he gets you, he won’t make efforts for you anymore.
7. “I can’t be in a relationship if I don’t know if we’re a good match sexually”
My first ever “almost-relationship” ended because of this single comment. In an era where body count and a large number of sexual partners is looked at as a thing to be proud of, telling someone you’re not willing to sleep with them from the first day you meet them can give you several reactions. Some may laugh, some may look down on you, some may even get angry.
I happened to get the third reaction. He was angry. And he got even more angry when I told him that I save myself for marriage. I got lots of comments about this principle I have.
Let me tell you. There’s no such thing as sexual compatibility that comes before anything else. This is just a lame excuse men use to manipulate you to get what they want and then leave without any remorse. And you can’t say anything because he will say “we were not compatible”. BS. If two people are compatible emotionally, everything else comes afterwards will become better the stronger their bond is.
8. He doesn’t want to do those little things that make you happy
I always told myself that if a man isn’t willing to do something little that makes you happy, he won’t do anything for you in the future. I always perceive small things and gestures as something more important than expensive gifts. For example, holding hands. All the guys I met before knew that holding hands is a very important thing for me, as well as keeping in touch as much as possible to make the bond stronger.
The last guy I met recently told me that holding hands in public makes him feel childish and that he doesn’t feel the need to show people that he’s in a relationship with someone. BEWARE, ladies. A man who is even just a tiny bit ashamed to be seen in public with you, or ashamed to hold your hand in public is not your man. He won’t be your man. Commitment and responsibility are not in his dictionary.
9. He doesn’t listen to ANY pieces of advice
Nobody has the obligation to listen to the advice someone else give them. There are people who have ill intentions when they give you a piece of advice, but that can be seen from a kilometer away. When you care about someone and you see that they have some habits that don’t give them anything good, you try to advice them to choose something healthier for their life. They can choose to do whatever they want.
But the story is different when the response they give you is I know better, I’m older, you know nothing, I don’t need your advice.
10. “Friends with couple benefits”
I told many people this and I will keep having this conversation at any hour: casual dating is the main reason relationships don’t work nowadays. And then we have the audacity to say that love hurts. No, babes. Love doesn’t hurt. Stupidity does. Friends with benefits will never be a good way to get attention and love. You either want a relationship or you stay single. You can’t have both and be happy too.
So when a guy tells you that he’s not ready for a relationship but he wants you two to act like a couple, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
So this is pretty much it. Of course there are more than just 10 red flags, but these are the ones that I often encountered in those men I met till now.
Look, I know I was harsh with many of the things I wrote here. I’m usually harsh when it comes to this stuff. But it’s not rocket science. You should feel safe, appreciated and calm in a relationship. When anxiety and confusion kick in, start to ask yourself some questions.”
That was all she wrote…
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