“Hi, guys!~ It’s me, again. Finally after a long time. It was my birthday recently and I can happily say that it was the first birthday that was not depressing for me in a long time. And one of the main reasons that made my birthday better was going to Beast in Black’s concert in Cluj-Napoca.
I will tell you about the concert in another post. Today I want to make a similar post to the one I wrote two years ago. I received some reality checks this year that I want to share with you.
1. Until you put yourself first, nobody will
For a very long time I thought that the saying <<Unless you learn how to love yourself, no one else will>> was BS, but everything that happened this last year made me really think that this is true indeed. When you learn how to treat yourself, how to take care of yourself, and, especially, how to respect yourself, you won’t fall for superficial treatment or the bare minimum.
2. People change… they always change
You’d think that someone will be by your side no matter what. You’d think that they won’t ever leave you, there’s nothing that can come between you two. Then a third person appears and you’re just thrown away. Without any word. You just stop talking, they get irritated when you try to make plans with them, they’re always too tired to go out with you, but they ALWAYS have energy to go out with the other person. This reality check is a huge slap in the face.
But this really taught me one of the best lessons:
3. Your own company is the best company
I used to be scared to be left alone even for a few minutes. I was so dependent on other’s presence that I completely forgot that I can enjoy time alone. Your friends and family ladile always be by your side, they might even leave you when you least expect, and you can’t do anything about it. Let them go.
Take time for yourself, go on walks, go sightseeing, do anything you like without waiting for anyone to come with you. Your own silence can’t be compared with anything.
4. Go on dates with yourself! Spoil yourself!
Two or three months ago I was very upset, I can’t remember why, but I was. I didn’t have anyone to go out with so I decided to go watch a movie at the mall. I also went shopping, I bought two pairs of high heels and ate delicious food. My mood was so much better afterwards.
Whenever you feel like pampering yourself when you feel down, do it. If no one else does it, do it for yourself. After all, no one is more important than yourself.
5. Romantic relationships are way more difficult than they appear
I know that other people may think differently about this, but for now, this is how I see relationships: as a very difficult battle. Maybe I am not mature enough yet, or maybe I haven’t found the right person yet, but I don’t find it easy at all to be in a relationship… Even though I’ve never had one.
The moment I met that one guy that I hoped he was going to be my first boyfriend, I thought that being ready was enough. Tell you what, it is not. You think that just because you find it easy to communicate your needs, everything will go smoothly. Nope. Most of the times there will be one person who gives 90%, while the other gives little to nothing. It is so important for both parts to meet halfway. And if there’s no will to work things out, you’re better off, trust me. Because…
6. Bare minimum is never enough. Actions speak louder than words
I’ve always fallen for beautiful words and insignificant actions that were either misleading or they were made only in the beginning so it looked like those guys were the best out there. But when I hit rock bottom and I started to feel like I’m neglected by the one who said that he’ll be by my side no matter what, things turned 180 degrees. I suddenly became the one who’s too much, who’s too impatient, too demanding.
You should never expect less from someone who tells you that they like you. Also, you should never beg to be loved or appreciated the way you deserve.
7. That thing that you choose not to pay attention to when meeting someone will be the reason you’ll start to despise that person
When we fall in love, we tend to put the other on a higher pedestal, thinking that they can’t be better than this. But after some time passes and the butterflies start to fade away, you start to see their true face.
Honestly, we all see from the beginning the flaws of the person we fall in love with. We just choose to turn a blind eye, thinking that it can’t be so bad. But in the end? All those things we chose not to look at were the ones who made you break piece by piece.
8. Most of the times you won’t get the closure you need or deserve. And that’s okay
When any kind of relationship falls apart, you need answers, you’d even beg for them if possible. Truth is, most of the times you won’t get any kind of closure. You’ll either get some answers that will make you the villain, or nothing. There’s no in between.
I think it’s better not to get any answer, even though it hurts. You don’t need any other thing to destroy your self-confidence. Someone who doesn’t even have common sense to tell you what went wrong doesn’t deserve your attention.
9. Exercising can really make a difference when battling depression
I’ve recently started running in the evening and, man, how much it changed my lifestyle! The fact that I have no thoughts whatsoever when I’m working out and I’m just in a competition with my own motivation to continue is the best thing I chose to do for myself.
I feel much better every day, less stressed and anxious and I ADORE how my clothes look on me. I gained some weight as well and my self confidence increased a lot!
10. It’s okay to have more hobbies at the same time
For many years I felt stupid and depressed for doing many things at the same time. Of course, those were the words of people around me that told me <<You have to do ONE thing very well. You can’t do several things half-heartedly at the same time.>>
Well, Karen, I have to tell you that I can. And I love doing hundreds of things at the same time because this is how I work. Also, I’ve seen that men get very weirded out when they meet a woman with more passions than just make-up and shopping. One more reason to start another hobby, hehe.
11. Just because you choose different than the majority, doesn’t mean you are in the wrong
You can see everywhere around that most people follow the same rules, have the same goals, do the same things, and have the same beliefs. And while this usually turns the majority against the minority, let me tell you that the majority is not always right. Especially in nowadays world.
I’m seriously worried about the principles and morals some people accept nowadays and the way they try to shove it down our throats. For many years I was feeling guilty for not thinking like them so I chose to shut up and not say anything against anything for the fear of losing friends or being cancelled.
But now, honestly, I’m starting to feel sick of this spiral of silence. You don’t agree with something and find it wrong? You don’t have to accept it. Someone has a problem with that? Well it’s their problem honestly. If someone chooses to leave your side because of your different mindsets, they are free to go. It’s better for both parts.
12. You are the one who can change the way you see the world
This world can either be beautiful or a curse you wish would end. It depends on how you decide to see it. If you want your life and the world around you to be beautiful, you can find beauty even in the smallest things around: flowers, a sunset, the sound of rain falling at night.
When you stop worrying about things you can’t even control, you realize that life is really beautiful. And since we talked about things you can’t control,
13. The most useless and destructive thing you can do to yourself is worrying for things you can’t control and things others choose for themselves
Having no boundaries is like going skidiving without a parachute. Nothing brought me more stress and anxiety than things I could not control or bad decisions others made for themselves. No matter what happens or what someone does that goes against against your principles, it’s none of your business.
You can’t change someone. The only one you can change is yourself.
14. You don’t have to get into a conversation if you know you’ll be on the losing side
I always thought that, whenever I meet a conversation that tackles a topic I do not agree with, it is my responsibility to always come with an argument and support that argument no matter what. But that, honestly, only brings me stress and anxiety.
Also, most of the times, those who start a controversial discussion already have an opinion they are not willing to change. So what should you do in these cases? Ignore the conversation, leave the room, or distract yourself with anything. Controversies are not worth the effort.
15. Communication really is key to literally EVERYTHING
Communication can be the easiest or the hardest thing to do in a relationship. It’s the main factor that decides how any relationship goes. I can’t lie, it’s not easy to communicate when you have an ego like I have, when you are also a people pleaser, when you’re afraid to be left.
However, if you don’t talk about what upsets you, what makes you feel neglected, you hurt yourself as well as those around you. Talk it out!
16. Don’t live with other’s glasses on your nose
Living by following someone else’s principles and ideas about your life… I don’t think there’s something more damaging to your self-confidence. I’ve always stopped dreaming when I decided to ask someone’s opinion about certain things I wanted to do. <<You can’t do that. You’re not fit for this.>> I could do so many amazing things if I hadn’t asked so many people what they think about MY decisions.
Choosing to ask others for validation or opinion all the time is draining and tiring. Learn how to make you own decisions!
17. Having fun is not only about partying and drinking
I can’t with this trend. <<I can’t have fun if I don’t drink. What fund is that if you don’t go to clubs?>> Let me ask you where is the fun in drinking and clubbing? Being surrounded by drunk people, having to bear loud noises and annoying lights… not for me.
It’s sad that teenagers choose these sources of entertainment when there are so many other better alternatives: going to the cinema, doing sports, going on trips. But to each their own, I guess.
18. Having high standards is always the better choice
I recently decided that I want to meet new people and, why not, have a relationship if I find someone good. And what’s the easier option when it comes to dating if not dating apps? Well if dating apps were invented to drive away any excitement about dating, they do their job pretty well.
I mean, let me correct myself, it’s not the apps’ fault for driving away love, it’s the men… I really have to write an article about this experience. Ladies and gentlemen, but ladies especially, don’t settle for less… Just… don’t.
19. Forgiving is way healthier than getting revenge
Why trying everything you can to get revenge on someone who hurt you when you can just let them be? I know it’s not fun, but, trust me, getting revenge on someone will never make you feel better. Or even if it will make you feel well, it will only last a short period of time.
Hatred brings only negativity we don’t need in our lives. When getting revenge you’ll only hurt yourself and your mind even more than the person who hurt you. It’s not worth it. What goes around comes around all the time.
20. Let out your inner child and let them be happy for the smallest things
Those who have childhood trauma know how difficult it is to accept the fact that your inner child was not at fault for the things that happened to him/her and needs to be healed. Letting your inner child explore and enjoy things they couldn’t do in childhood is the best way to see the world in different colors.
If there’s something you wanted so bad to try when you were a child, but you couldn’t, why not trying now when you are an adult and can do whatever you want? Buy that toy car, go to the zoo, play in the puddles when it’s raining.
21. Fake it till you make it works sometimes
Lots of times it’s difficult to see the brighter side of things, especially when it seems like everything falls apart and nothing seems to go or better. I’ve been through this so many times and it’s anything but beautiful.
Not many people care about your struggles, and even if they do, you can’t have their support all the time. So you have to lift your chin up and act like nothing’s wrong. Even thought it may sound wrong, most of the times it’s better to keep some things to yourself and not share it with others. For your emotional safety, you know?
22. Adults are just children who learn how master hiding things
I used to think that adults are mature, confident and calm. The truth is, no matter what age you are, you always get confused about what to do and you just get experience from all the struggles you go through. The only difference between children and adults is the fact that adults that know how to hide things better.
Adults may look like they navigate life’s challenges with grace, but that’s just the polished exterior we develop after starting our lives.
So, next time you think an adult has it easier and doesn’t think like a child anymore, remember that beneath their confident exterior lies a child who has learned to conceal their struggles.
23. Not everyone is your friend, but some people deserve a second chance
It’s very difficult, almost impossible, to find true friends nowadays, and even those people you consider best-friends can turn their back on you in an instant. There may be friends who stay around you just so they can have someone to boost their ego, or there are people who only want to take advantage of you. There are so many examples of fake friends, that I don’t have enough words to write them all here. It’s okay if you don’t have many friends. It’s also okay if you don’t really have very close friends yet. It’s better to be your own best-friend; at least you can be sure that you won’t leave yourself when you need it most.
Also, there will always be people who will disappoint or hurt you. They’re humans too and humans are anything but perfect. Some of them deserve to be blocked from your live for eternity, but some of them deserve a second chance. You might be surprised how things can change for better.
24. There are people who know how to appreciate your worth
As I wrote above, not all your friends are true friends. But even if you don’t have a group of honest and loyal friends yet, don’t get discouraged. There are 8 billions people on this planet. You will find your group and the place you belong to.
You just need a little patience. Till then, enjoy your adventures with yourself. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find new things about you and you’ll be surprised.”
That was all she wrote!~
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